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Rut or wreckage?

  • 23-09-2009 8:03pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi Advice givers,

    I am currently having a bit of boyfriend troubles at the moment. I don’t know how to put this so I’m going to write it all down more to get it clear in my head but I really need advice or opinion you have on the situation too, please.

    I have been seeing this lad since just after Christmas last year. At the start I was the one that kind of did the chasing but he is the one that initiated a proper, commited relationship not me. Everything was going great up until about a month or two ago. I am quite confident, outgoing and attractive (to give you a little inside on myself). But little details have started to get bigger and my own insecurities have grown tenfold or reasons listed below.

    He is constantly checking out and flirting with other girls around me. His friends are quite known for their reputations with the ladies too. He goes out and doesn’t invite me even when it’s not just a lad’s night. He also is always planning things and whenever I mention to go away or to go out he never seems that interested. He never goes out of his way to see me.

    He is always putting me down. Only ever small things but they have all added up to make me really self conscious lately.

    He hasn’t said to me he loves me yet. Okay I’m not in love, I don’t think, but I haven’t allowed myself because I’m so afraid of getting hurt. Lately sex has become less frequent too it seems I’m always the one to initiate it.

    I’m beginning to think the only reason he is in a relationship with me is out of boredom or want of a relationship rather than because he actually likes me. It is really getting me down. Should I just end it now to stop me feeling so worthless or is it just a rut? But all I really want is him to like me too because I don’t want my heart broken :(


Comments

  • #2
    dirtydress
    Closed Accounts Posts: 356 ✭✭dirtydress


    Boyfriendbother wrote: »
    He is always putting me down. Only ever small things but they have all added up to make me really self conscious lately.

    This would be the deal breaker for me. It's not a relationship if there isnt mutual respect and clearly there isn't here. It sounds like you would be better off without him OP.


  • #3
    ladymarmalade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭ladymarmalade


    Hi OP seems like you are putting in more than you are getting out of this relationship. Sometimes men ( a small majority) like to be in a relationship but are emotionally unavailable to their partner. They manipulate situations and plans to suit themselves, they dis respect the person they are with by snide comments and flirting/checking out other women. Sometimes they don't even know they are doing it.

    I have been with someone like this so I recognise the signs. If it's making you feel bad you need to walk away, even though it's hard to do. All the best with it xxxx


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