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Perspective please!

  • 23-09-2009 12:14am
    #1
    Zip_zap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭


    Hi,

    I've been with my bf for a year now. For the most we're really happy together, I really think he could be the 'one' for me. He's a really great fella, funny, intelligent and very affectionate.

    My problem is I feel like our relationship orbits him and his life...I really like his friends and family...but I spend loads of time with them, he has no real interest in getting to know mine. I'm genuinely interested in the details of his day (I'm like this with my friends too, I love details) where as he often would forget to even ask about how mine was. There are alot of other seemingly petty things like the above that go on with us which result in me feeling subordinate/taken for granted (I'm trying not to get in to too much of a moan). The issue is that he is (and this is said as a fact not a critism) selfish and I'm very empathetic and despite my efforts, I end up expecting him to get as involved with my life/friends/interests as I do him.

    I'm quite independant and don't need him to be uber supportive but the problem is I end up expecting him to be. We have a lot of rows over me being upset about this stuff, I just feel I'm being stiffled. Any advice on how I can get this to work? Am I being unfair here? Any advice iwould be greatly appreciated!


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP
    I recently got back with my OH after a 4 month split,we were together 4 years last week. We were finished for a month,got back for 3 weeks and finished again for the 4 months.During that time I realised he really didn't make an effort with my family,never asked me much about them even if he knew someone was sick for instance! Wouldn't ask me much about what was going on with me etc.. basically like the things you've mentioned. I have always made a huge effort with his family so they love me where as mine feel they barely know him.
    So whe we got back I made these things clear to him that he'll have to make an effort and show an interest in my life and he has so far.
    You need to speak to you OH because in all honesty he may see nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't expect my OH to hang out with my friends and I because we're your typical bunch of girls and when we get together no fella would be able to listen to us!! But i do expect him to be friendly and chat to them when he meets them.
    I would say to you though try to get him to get to know your family, I am really hoping my OH will get to know mine more now because they are very important to me and so is he so I want the people I know most to get on great!! Just sit him down and explain it to him


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