Is this unfair

LegacyUser

ok to cut a long story short i went through a bad relationship for two years with a guy and we broke up a few weeks ago. I have no problem admitting i was in absolute bits and my friends were amazing. I loved this man with every bone of me and he let me down.
Now i got a phone call on sunday morning from his mother and then one from his best friend telling me he had been in a horrific accident and was in hospital and kept asking where i was. The part of me that loved him and probably always will nearly screamed and in i went to the hospital to sit by his bed, he cried when he saw me.
Anyways the point is now NONE of my girfirends will speak to me because i went into see him?? Im so lost i have no one to turn to
Im not by any stretch saying we will get back together. This man has been a huge part of my life for a long time and he is in a very serious condition. Does anyone else think its wrong that my so called 'friends' are doing this?

ogriofa

Hi there,
yeah, I think your friends have judged you there.
Not cool Im afraid.

I have a pal that married a guy that none of her pals liked. I wasnt much of a fan, but when we met (for her to tell me she was engaged) I was just "there" for her. She didnt need every friend turning on her. Your pals, of some of them, should just be there for you.
I've no idea about wether or not you should be with him, thats a tough one!

Keep you mind open

& good luck

Wibbs

I think your mates are being silly. I can understand why they might do it if you agreed to meet him for drinks, but in this case? They sound young or naive and like to deal in absolutes. I would put it out of your mind. They're over reacting and hopefully they see this in time.

Oryx

Yes, your friends are being unfair. You are showing heart here, and compassion. Its natural. Perhaps your friends dont understand the seriousness of the situation, or think you will be suckered into a relationship with this man again.

Meet up with one or two of your closest mates, and explain to them why you went. Hear out their fears and concerns for you (as I hope thats what is behind this). If they were so wonderful when you needed them before, surely they will listen to you now? If they dont, however, you will just have to chalk it up to experience and move on. As Wibbs said, they are being too simplistic about affairs of the heart and life, if they think you would refuse to see a seriously ill man that you once loved.

If they do talk about what they fear for you, and why they feel so strongly, then listen to them, they know you and they know this situation, they can probably see it clearer than you can, as you are emotionally involved. They may have some valid points for you to hear.

LadyJ

You were together for 2 years and you only broke up a few weeks ago. No matter what the circumstances of the breakup, of course you are going to be worried and scared that something terrible has happened to him and I think it's not only unfair of your friends to judge you but it shows real ignorance and childishness with regard to personal relationships.

You owe no loyalty to anyone here but yourself. If you are doing what you feel is right then that's all you need to worry about.

hornyfemale

Yes your friends are being unfair but they are probably concerned that he only wants you back because something horrible has happened and he needs someone to lean on. I'm not saying this is the situation but it just might be how your friends see it.
I would just tell them that you are still broken up but you can't just switch off caring for someone and that you intend to be there for him, the same way if anything happened to any of them.
Hope he recovers and your friends see sense.

Best of luck

draward

Someting similer happend to a friend of mine about 10 or 11 years ago. Be very care full on the way you handle this you split up. My friend ended up looking after her ex bf for monts and when he got better he simply up and left she was in bits for about a year, He just said that he needed someone that he could thrust.

opinion guy

Wow OP this is a tough one.

i think first thing - major major respect to you for being brave enough to put aside your own pain to be there for this man when he is in a desperate situation. Not only are you being there for him, you are being there for his mum, for his friend. I think desperate situations sometimes demand selflessness that normally would be out of the question.

That being said, you had a bad relationship with the guy. So by all means be there for him in his time of need, but be VERY VERY aware of boundaries. Now this is complicated - I guess if he was asking for you like that, its possible he has had a head injury and is confused or something. So I think you need to be VERY VERY clear that you guys are just friends now (maybe not friends in the long run, but for now in this crisis - friends). Is his mum sensible ? If she is and things are relatively stable and drama levels are not too high, you might consider talking with mum and saying something like 'I'm here to help as a friend but we are not together anymore and i need that to be clear'. OP I have no doubt you are a caring person, but i think you also must protect yourself. (This all being said - its entirely possible this whole experience might change that guy hugely - but thats a whole other story).

As to your friends. They are not talking to you ? Seriously ? Thats dispicable. OP your friends are supposed to support you in a time of need. And right now you need. In your ex's time of need, you are being there for him and his family - you don't have to by any means but you are choosing to. True friends should support that. I think you either need to redefine your defintion of friends, or else give your friends a serious, SERIOUS talking to.

Moomoo1

hornyfemale wrote: »

Yes your friends are being unfair but they are probably concerned

not talking to someone is a funny way of being concerned...

OP, no one has ever said that talking to your exes was in any way bad or reprehensible. And people who try to say that are just stupid. You are visiting him in hospital, not walking up the aisle with him FFS.