how to deal with family treating husband like ****

celtic-chick · 22-09-2009 8:45am #1

hi everyone,
this is my first post so i hope this is in the right section.i'm looking for some advice.my husband & i are decient people(i think so).the trouble is my husband has been snubbed by my sisters fiance on his stags.i think this is disrespectfull.my husband gets on well with her fiance but still didnt get an invite.when confronted he said it was last minute but some people were invited nearly a week in advance.the thing is if hes not welcme at the stags then hes not welcome at the wedding(actions speak louder than words),therefore neither am i.what do you think am i right or is it to harsh.you have to understand if we go to the wedding my husband will feel really uncomfortable knowing hes not welcome

Maple · 22-09-2009 8:50am

Moved from TLL.

ifah · 22-09-2009 8:57am

stag nights are for close friends and family - why would your husband expect an invite ? I certainly wouldn't if I was twice removed from the groom. big difference between getting on well and being a significant part of the grooms life up to now. I wouldn't want to bring some one who I only know through my wifes sister on a weekend away.

shellyboo · 22-09-2009 9:15am

celtic-chick wrote: »

the thing is if hes not welcme at the stags then hes not welcome at the wedding(actions speak louder than words),therefore neither am i.

I don't think that's true at all. Stags and hens are for close friends, weddings are for extended family - and that's what your husband is to this guy, extended family. In fact, he's not even family yet! You're being too harsh.

kmick · 22-09-2009 9:37am

shellyboo wrote: »

I don't think that's true at all. Stags and hens are for close friends, weddings are for extended family - and that's what your husband is to this guy, extended family. In fact, he's not even family yet! You're being too harsh.

+1 - does your husband even really want to go or is it you being sensitive on his part.

dogbert27 · 22-09-2009 9:41am

I agree that you're being too sensitive. My dad and I weren't invited to my brother in laws stag and we weren't expecting to be invited. A stag is for his friends and his dad/brothers to celebrate his last days of freedom! You don't want anybody from the future in-laws there to see what you get up to or what your friends end up doing to you! :eek:

seahorse · 22-09-2009 9:44am

Have to agree with Ifah and Shellyboo here. It's up to an individual who they invite to their hen/stag night; being related or attached in some way does not entitle a person to be there!

Obviously this has knocked your nose right out of joint and I can see why it would (I'd hate to see my OH feel excluded, so I feel for you there) but I think you need to put the shoe on the other foot and imagine how you'd feel about anyone fuming over not getting an invite to your hen night.

I'm taking the line Shellyboo highlighted to mean that you are intending to boycott the wedding! If so Celtic-Chic, sorry but I don’t just think that's harsh; I think it's taking affront to new levels – nutso levels!

LauraLoo · 22-09-2009 9:45am

i agree he's being too sensitive- my fiance gets on well with my bro-in-law but they dont have much in common and i dont think either of them would particularly enjoy a night out together other than when they meet at family events.

also its a night where he'll want to let his hair down... imagine thinking your wifes sisters husband is there ready to report back to the sister who in turn reports back to the wife and in turn gets him in trouble because his stupid friends organised a stripper or that he got really drunk and then got arrested when he was caught streaking across the ha'penny bridge or something...

SecondTime · 22-09-2009 11:02am

Hi Celtic-chick. I can't help wondering if this is just the final straw for you and your husband re things that have happened with your family??? Otherwise it seems that you are over-reacting to what isn't really a big deal.
Unless the groom has very few male family and friends of his own or if he was friends with the bride's brothers (ie that's how they met/got together), I can't see why he'd want to invite his future in-laws to his stag.
Hope you can both see it as not a problem and go to the wedding with good feelings and enjoy the day

Pherekydes · 22-09-2009 11:14am

I'm in a fairly similar situation, except from the groom's POV. My partner's sister's husband wants to know when the Stag is on, and even wants to organise it, but he's not my friend, so I wouldn't be inviting him. If I do have a Stag, I'll invite whoever I want to be there. I won't have my future sister-in-law dictating to me who to invite. If I invited him I'd have to invite his son, too, and sure why not his brothers? And the son's friends? Well, we wouldn't want the son to feel left out on his own.

To be frank about it, who your future brother-in-law invites to his stag is none of your business.

For the record, I won't be having a stag, as it's not my cup of tea.

celtic-chick · 22-09-2009 12:25pm

I can't help wondering if this is just the final straw for you and your husband re things that have happened with your family???

hi second time.thanks for your reply.yes your right it is the final straw of a long list of things.i think i've just had enough

abceire · 22-09-2009 12:27pm

its a bit weird having say your future wifes dad or family at your stags, its the mans last blow out,i was at a mates stags and yes we went to some lapdancing place, i was best man, the groom is a very nice guy, he d never do anything to hurt his wife, but yes he got lapdances that we paid for,the grooms future father inlaw came for the meal and then went home,thank god,he s a nice man and all but dont think he should be at stags,but then the groom future brotherinlaw stayed out with us, and while he s young and didnt mind all the lapdancing and all,he got dances too, i just felt a bit weird, i was invited on my brother in lwas stag but said know, i d feel out of place, he again is really nice guy, but he needs his night to have a wild one,wild one doesnt include sleeping or kissing girls i might add
so its fine if your husband doesnt get an invite,

SecondTime · 22-09-2009 12:39pm

I thought that must be the case alright.
IMO this is not the time or the "thing" to make a big stand/point of principle about. You are annoyed/hurt by your family's treatment of your husband.
It would seem to me to be using the Groom's stag as the event that allows you to let off steam or make a stand by boycotting the wedding, dontcha think??
You don't want to give your family any excuses for treating your husband or you badly - ie you don't want to be blamed for ruining the wedding or creating a bad atmosphere. And the groom's family shouldn't have their day ruined by "tensions" on the bride's side.
When it's all over you could try talking to your sister or some other family member about how hurt you are by the family's treatment of your husband. They may not realise they're doing anything??? Or they may know exactly what they're doing but feel they have a good reason for it and maybe haven't told you. In my experience families usually only treat an in-law poorly because they're taking offence/umbrage on behalf of their loved one;)

seahorse · 22-09-2009 1:06pm

celtic-chick wrote: »

hi second time.thanks for your reply.yes your right it is the final straw of a long list of things.i think i've just had enough

Well that definitely changes matters. Do you want to tell us what the other incidences were?

Anti · 22-09-2009 1:08pm

When my other halfs brother was getting married, i wasn't invited to his stag, why ? Because im his sisters boyfriend, im not one of his mates or anything like that. I didn't take it personally at all. I think you and your husband are blowing this waaaaaaaaaay out of proportion. Unless he has been told "no your not comming to the wedding" then you need to chillax a bit.

LegacyUser · 22-09-2009 2:37pm

My friend went through a similar drama earlir this year:

He is married to the Bride's sister & he didn't get an invite to the stag, yet the Bride's Brother & Father were invited. So the arguement made by most of these guys on here about "not inviting the in-laws" doesn't apply to this case. As we're not sure about the details surrounding your case, in the case of my friend, he & his wife (the Bride's sister) were not impressed that the Bride's Brother & Father were invited & that he was blanked. Especially as he had gotten on very well with the groom. The Bride's Brother & the groom had a very turbulent start to their relationship - they just didn't get along.

This is a touchy subject & I agree that the groom has the right to chose his guests for his stag, but if the Father & Brother-in-law (to be) were invited then I can't see why my friend wasn't? I can understand why my friend's wife was offended. BTW, my friend wasn't as upset as his wife was!

In your case if no in-law's were invited, then it's really no big deal! You guys may just be a little too sensitive. However, if any other in-law's were invited, then I can truly understand your arguement.

Also, is there any reason(s) why your husband wouldn't be welcome? Is he difficult to get along with? Argumentative? Trouble? - Sorry, but had to ask.. ;-)

Regardless of the situation, you may want to think hard before deciding against attending the wedding. If you're upset, or offended then perhaps you should sit down with your sister & clear the air, if there is anything to clear? Family issues can be tough ones! Best of luck..

celtic-chick · 22-09-2009 4:13pm

hi everyone,i just want to thank everybody for their replies.sorry for not getting back earlier to to do this while the boss has his turned.
ifah he was orinignally invited & nobody could decide where to go,then all of a sudden they chose a pub & didnt let him know what was going on.
secondtime your right about it not being the place to make a stand & be the bad guy.thanks a million for all your replys seems i might be over reacting,but i had to get another opion:)

celtic-chick · 22-09-2009 4:35pm

hi suferdude,the inlaws where invited(father inlaw & brother inlaw).my husband is not a trouble maker or hard to get along with.hes just a no nonsense guy he'll tell it straight.hes never had any bad words with the groom to be.

Overheal · 22-09-2009 4:53pm

Stags are for close friends only imo. Weddings are another matter. IT all just comes down to what relationship they have. That guy whos dating my sister? He's a nice guy but i dont know him well at all. would i want him at my stag? no.

bSlick · 22-09-2009 5:36pm

Is this for real???!? Your husband is upset at nothing getting invited to his wife's sister's fiance's stag? Stags are for close friends and family, you don't invite people you don't really know. I thought that would have been obvious.

LegacyUser · 24-09-2009 12:57pm

Your right for being a bit put out especially if your fella was originally invited & then not told in the end. It's not that big of a deal. Would your hubby really have wanted to go? Are you guys even close to your sister's fella? There's something missing here? There's obviously more to the story than your telling, especially if you guys were upset at all? In the end, be very careful about any decision you make. You don't want to be the villain in this situation. Besides this way you don't need to feel guilty if you forget to invite them to parties, events, etc. in the future. No biggie, just chill....

how to deal with family treating husband like ****

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