College problem advice much appreciated

LegacyUser

Hi I'm not really sure where to start.I am in first year college now.I recently moved to a new city and am finding it very hard to make new friends.I am staying on campus accomadation and there are parties on nearly every night but,since I am on my own,am finding it very hard to get to them.That is only my first problem though.I am a bit self obsessed.I am always feeling sorry for myself(ha I understand the irony).I dont have any balls, in the metaphorical sense,whenever I am on the dance floor,I see guys pulling girls by being confident and grabbing them.I can't do that.I would think that I can't do that because I had a problem a couple of years ago realating to thinking that I was abusing people in some way although I wasn't actualy.That part is kind of hard to explain.I have alway been told that I am too polite(adding to the fact that I have a bit of a posh accent)I suppose,at the end of the day,that means that I have no balls.I really want to change the way that I face the world but I really don't know how.I would really appreciate if anyone could help me.
Thanks

LauraLoo

heya im first year mature and i can understand the fear that comes up when arriving into a uni with thousands of people around who you dont know yet all appear to know each other..i had my mature student week last week and i was terrified! so much so that i nearly didnt go in on the 2nd day.

the only way to do it is to just force yourself out there. even if your bowels are rumblng- if theres a party just go and knock on the door and say "hey, im ____, i live down the hall. im new to the city and havent made friends yet- do you think i could hang out with you guys?"

if you are in class just smile at the person sitting beside you and say "hows it going?" and before you know it your chatting about why you chose the course and how you are finding college life. be honest- say your scared sh*tless and always remember that most people feel the exact same- everyone is nervous coming in to first year its just that some people are lucky enough to have a few friends from school to hang out with until they make new friends in their classes.

i found once i took the plunge once it became so much easier after that.

the thing about college is, you have the opportunity to be the person you really want to be. i am a very outgoing person but i had really low self esteem in school so was fairly quiet with anyone outside of my peer group. since ive left school ive deveoped alot of confidence so i was so shocked when i was so frightened and introverted in my first few days. my point being- even as an extrovert i was extremely shy at the start! (and i still am a little- i still havent fully come out of my shell yet; but who has?)

when you say "couple of years ago realating to thinking that I was abusing people in some way although I wasn't actualy" i get the hint that you may be carrying some kind of perception of yourself that itsnt very good. most colleges provide a great counselling service for free so it might be no harm to make an appointment so you can work through these issue. alternatively- go to your tutor/head of dept/the sudent welfare rep or even talk to a GP who can refer you to the appropriate help. this could be a small thing that you may resolve once you start making friends, or this could be something a little bigger that may need extra attention.

college is the opportunity to change how we face the world. you are in the right place

ogriofa

LauraLoo wrote: »

college is the opportunity to change how we face the world. you are in the right place

Wow!! - this is spot on OP

christina_x

hmm.. well im in NUIG atm.. and the first day or two i was so shy.. but i pulled myself out of it. Just go to the parties! Like the previous poster sid, just arrive and introduce yourself. parties are thrown (generally) to get to know the other students, so theyr not going to exclude any! People will talk to you if your willing to talk to them so just seem open and smily and approachable and youl be sorted
I hope college goes great for you and you turn over a new leaf!

sunnyside

If there's a party going on somewhere in the building just knock on the door, bring some drink or food. Nobody knows anybody properly yet, they'll just assume you were invited by someone else.

BravoMike

I was the same as yourself for the first few days I didn't know anyone. One of the things I did was to start playing sports in college I gained great friends some of which I'm still in contact with even though I'm finished for over 3 years. Have you looked to see if the college has social clubs. The best thing is with the large size of a college or IT there is always someone who will have the same interests as you, go to the student union and see whats available

ReacherCreature

Hello OP

I am in first year college now.I recently moved to a new city and am finding it very hard to make new friends

You're in 1st year, there's many many others in a simlar situation. Even those who live at home in the city are probably facing the same situation of a new insitution. It's a little tough to make friends when you're new but you should give it time. What kind of course are you doing? What are the class sizes like? If it's a fairly precise course like History or Economics etc. your classmates are going to have the same interests in the course as you; as they're in college studying it! Talk to them, be friendly, ask them about the course, what modules they're taking, do they enjoy it etc. From there you can develop a conversation and then try to talk to them again, you'll be friends in no time. Clubs, socs, sports etc. are also decent way of making friends, again the interests factor is there.

I am staying on campus accomadation and there are parties on nearly every night but,since I am on my own,am finding it very hard to get to them.

Partying and boozing isn't all what college has to offer imo.
However just go along if you want. If there's randomers from the building attending, give it a go. If you don't like it you can just drift away.

I can't do that because I had a problem a couple of years ago realating to thinking that I was abusing people in some way although I wasn't actualy.

I think you need to forget the past. Think of college as a new change, a new city.

That part is kind of hard to explain.I have alway been told that I am too polite(adding to the fact that I have a bit of a posh accent)I suppose,at the end of the day,that means that I have no balls

Just chill out when you're talking to people.
Use colloquial words, exagerate, mess around.
Don't worry about being polite. I'd rather have a conversation with a polite person over a rude person.

Forget this thing about "no balls"; it sounds ridiculous.

Just give college some time, you're only back a bit right? You've got a while yet!