Getting involved in domestics. Would you?

TheDublinMan

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/ireland/2009/0921/1224254909433.html


I live in this apartment block, yesterday morning there was a knock on the door at 6:30am didn't answer it, then another knock at the door at 8am Gardai asking had 'anything unusual happened that morning' etc. The man tumbled off the balcony at roughly 7am.

Anyhow now I'm thinking if I had've answered the door at 6:30 what would've happened:(

On the one hand I might have helped but on the other I could be the one in the morgue now.
What about you all when it comes to domestic abuse or if someone was knocking on your door at 6:30am(in Ballymun) would you get involved?

sidneykidney

Hmmm domestic abuse i would tell the relevant authorities(sp).

But if its a normal domestic,an argument,hell no i wouldnt get involved. What goes on between a couple stays between a couple tbh.

sean0

I wouldn't let it bother you man, what happened happened, the majority of people wouldn't of answered the door that early.

walshb

I wouldn't get involved, and you did the right thing not answering your door.
Why answer your door to an unannounced person.

You know, a lot of crimes happen because the victim opens the front door to the perpetrator. Why would anyone open their front door unless they are certain of who it is?

Mossy Monk

I answer the door for nobody. If someone I know is at the door they call me. I wouldn't feel bad about it OP.

mikemac

Stay out of it OP.
You'll get no thanks for getting involved but pretty much a lot of hassle

And btw, answer your door for noone unless you're expecting someone. If they want you they'll phone first

K-Ren

It's totally understandable that at 6.30 you ignore a knock at the door, 90% of people would- unless it was a frantic knock or someone shouting for help obviously, then it might be different.

abouttobebanned

imagine if you opened the door and some fuka attacked you with a machete.....your folks would be forever asking themselves...why did he answer the door at 6:30am in the morning.

AARRRGH

About a year ago I woke up to hear screams of "help me help me" coming from somewhere in my apartment block.

I got up, got dressed, and went outside to see what I could do.

A few floors above me (I live in a weird courtyard type apartment complex) there was a bit of a commotion. I went upstairs and saw two other people standing outside an apartment talking to a hysterical girl.

Apparently she (Indian girl) had been beaten (she was bleeding) by her Irish boyfriend. She claimed he also rapes her sometimes. The guy was clearly a psycho, but she also obviously enjoyed riling him and creating as much drama as possible.

I tried to calm the situation by suggesting he stay in a friends house while she calms down and they can then have a mature conversation in the morning.

He agreed but spent about an hour being difficult, while she tried very hard to set him off. Eventually his mother arrived and explained to me that her husband used to beat her and it's heartbreaking her son has turned out like his father.

I was thanked and I went back to my apartment. I called the police, told them the story, waited for them to arrive, and went to sleep.

Do I regret helping? No.
Would I do it again? Yes.
Do I understand why people don't want to get involved in that sort of ****? Yes.

Hazys

A Threesome?...sure why not?

anonymous_joe

Someone I met who was a friend of a mate's brother (tortous I know) got stabbed and died for stepping in to help someone.

arybvtcw0eolkf

I come from a violent background, I grew up in a violent household - I wish someone had interfered.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Gbi_d7Ryew

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pikachucheeks

Two of my friends have been subjected to violence in their homes, in the past. I'd never get involved because both of them have a mental wall up, surrounding the issue.
It's just not something they discuss and if it is brought up, they get very hot-heated and confrontational.

Of course, I'd like them to know I'd be willing to help them out, but they don't seem to want help. They deal with it by shutting it out and ignoring it.

Joey the lips

Never get involved in a domestic.Its a sad terriable world but unfor its the way of the world. You will get no thanks for it and i dont know what went wrong there but i am guessing that man stabbed his wife then jumped over the balcony. You would be at a min with the wife in the matter, at worse case with the man in hell

The sad thing about domestics is the police still have not learned how to deal with them. I come from a broken home and i never forget pleading with the police to take my dad away when it was bad. My father arrived back at the door 4 hours later. The only mechanism to deal with domestics is a protection order( which the police are poor to enforce) and a barn order( which mothers/fathers are reluctant to get)

AARRRGH

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I'd like them to know I'd be willing to help them out, but they don't seem to want help. They deal with it by shutting it out and ignoring it.

They want to be abused.

It is a well understood area of psychology that certain people seek out abusers.

There are all sorts of reasons for this, from the obvious such as growing up in an abusive home to the twisted self-pity that comes with being a victim to a love of drama.

It's very unfortunate.

pikachucheeks

AARRRGH wrote: »

They want to be abused.

It is a well understood area of psychology that certain people seek out abusers.

There are all sorts of reasons for this, from the obvious such as growing up in an abusive home to the twisted self-pity that comes with being a victim to a love of drama.

It's very unfortunate.

No, no, no!

That doesn't sound like them at all. They're just very closed people, in the sense that they obviously find it very difficult to discussed the abuse that's happened them, so they get angry if it's brought up. It makes them uncomfortable.

I wouldn't say either of them like drama either ... or being a victim.

I think because it's such ... a hard issue to discuss, both of them prefer not to talk about it at all. It's awkward, it brings out emotions and complexes you never realised were there and it involves letting down a very major guard they both have up.

I think everyone has some issue they find it hard to talk about.

It's very sad, to be friends with both of them, and really have no idea about what's going on on the inside. They'll let me in, but only to a certain extent.

arybvtcw0eolkf

pikachucheeks wrote: »

They deal with it by shutting it out and ignoring it.

Honestly thats not dealing with it.

But I don't blaim people for not wanting to become involved, few of us are qualified or experienced enough to deal with it.

I feel sorry for you too, because this will leave you scared too.

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pikachucheeks

Danielle Wet Police wrote: »

Honestly thats not dealing with it.

But I don't blaim people for not wanting to become involved, few of us are qualified or experienced enough to deal with it.

I feel sorry for you too, because this will leave you scared too.

.

It's not that I don't want to get involved, but more so that I feel like I shouldn't - because they make it obvious they aren't happy to discuss it, or touch on that subject area.

It's actually very hard to establish what to do in these situations.

arybvtcw0eolkf

pikachucheeks wrote: »

It's actually very hard to establish what to do in these situations.

It is, and I don't envy your situation.

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kravmaga

http://www.herald.ie/national-news/city-news/gardai-probe-row-link-over-lithuanians-plunge-death-1892202.html

There was a large party in that apartment until the early hours.

The security in the block is not good considering its Ballymun.

A lot of the party goers headed off before the Garda were even informed.

I see the inside of the lift was finger-printed by the Gardai Tech Bureau, ie dust all over th e buttons.

There was some amount of claret from the dude on impact on that Volkswagen Golf........sad that a party can turn out with someone dead after it.

I would not get involved in a domestic from a civilian point of view.

Reindeer

I left my ex GF with the single purpose of avoiding getting into my own domestics. Hell if I am gonna spin the wheel and leap into someone elses problems...

Joey the lips

blueeyedboy wrote: »

The security in the block is not good considering its Ballymun.

Ballymun is not an issue here. If the security was good do you think they would interfere in a house domestic? Not it it was contained in the house. All they would be asked to do is keep down the noise and if this did not work the guards would be called.

The biggest problem with domestics is the guards have no power to deal them, they never had and imo they never will. its a hard on to get around. Who is really right in a domestic row? Answer: Nobody! Who really suffers? answer: The kids? What is the solution? Remove the kids from the row! Do you think this is likely to happen? No!