Macho Talk!

MelanieC

Hey guys,

I know this isn't a major problem but it's just something that bugs me and I was wondering if other people find it too? My bf is lovely and when it's just him and me we chat away, normal everyday conversations and he's actually quite ethical and conscientious. If another male joins us though, it's like Bam! time to revert back to being a schoolboy, tell dirty jokes and talk about nothing but sex, bj's etc etc! Do they all do this?? It's so irritating! I won't pretend that his language isn't quite colourful at the best of times as he does have quite an immature sense of humour anyway which I don't mind, it can actually be quite endearing. But he takes it way too far with the guys to the stage that he can be quite crass and offensive. :eek: It's as if he feels he has to put on an act as soon as there's any other guy around and he's the one who gets cross with me if I say I don't like it, saying for god's sake it's only joking around, lighten up......

I really don't think I'm over-reacting though coz we both went to my brother's house the other night to babysit and as soon as he's with my brother, he starts this stupid vulgar talk again. Now in the pub with the lads is one thing but in someone else's house, sitting in the living-room at 8 in the evening, watching the X-Factor and saying things like " I can't decide if I'd prefer to do Cheryl Cole or Dannii Minogue. Ah sure, I'd probably just drink a bottle of Lucozade and do the both of them" when I'm sitting there, my bro's girlfriend is sitting there and the two children are sitting there - it's just not right is it? I kept shooting him threatening looks but he was in his stride. My bro was laughing at him so of course the more laughs he got, the more he kept saying. Eventually I had to tell him to shut up, which he did thank god. But now he's not talking to me coz I embarrassed him in front of my bro and his gf! I embarrassed him!!!! Hello like???!!! :rolleyes:

I know this is only a small thing that will blow over so I'm not sweating it or anything but I was just wondering if other girls have to put up with this sort of rubbish from their bf's? And if so, how, coz it really annoys me! And guys, why do you feel the need to talk like that anyway? It doesn't impress people and it doesn't make you sound cool. In fact a grown man talking crap like that as if he's still a horny schoolboy just sounds kinda pathetic....

Anyway, that's my rant over with! I feel much better now!:D

Carsinian Thau

Not all guys are like that (I would like to think that I wouldn't be, for example).

Just wait until he grows up a bit. A little maturity could be all he needs.

The maturity of the guys he socialises with will also be a factor in his behaviour though, so it may have very little to do with him and more to do with a group mentality.

Kiera

I thought that was quite funny too tbh. I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. Of course he's gonna be different with you than the lads. Leave him be!

Taltos

My bro-in-law is like this.
TG he is soon to be ex bro in-law.

He never ever grew up and constantly came out with the most inappropriate comments. I just thought he was odd until my OH asked me never to leave her alone with him.
Yrs later I can see she was right - total creep.

Keep a close eye on your partner - if he really cannot see how offensive he is being you might need to have some strong words with him.
At a min he is showing no respect to you.

On the other hand - if he was like this when you met him then you knew what you were getting into. Just hoping this is not a case of finding a chap you like and then changing him to make him more into the kind of chap you want to stay with.

opinion guy

hmmm maybe the guys are just trying to clear the room of ladies so they can discuss Jane Austin novels and the latest developements in the fields of floral art and botany ? lol that would be funny

yeah OP. I'm male and sometimes this annoys me too. but then again sometimes its very funny (for some reason i find this kind of thing much funnier when blokes with English accents are saying it). Its probably jsut a maturity thing. have you ever discussed it with him ?

MelanieC

Ah yeah Keira, I realise that and like I said, I know the way lads talk when they get together in the pub. But you can't go into someone else's house, sit down in front of the TV and start making comments like that in front of their children! :eek:

And yeah, I take the point about a group mentality - my bro's as bad for laughing at him! He wouldn't dare make those comments himself tho!!

MelanieC

Taltos wrote: »

My bro-in-law is like this.
TG he is soon to be ex bro in-law.

He never ever grew up and constantly came out with the most inappropriate comments. I just thought he was odd until my OH asked me never to leave her alone with him.
Yrs later I can see she was right - total creep.

Keep a close eye on your partner - if he really cannot see how offensive he is being you might need to have some strong words with him.
At a min he is showing no respect to you.

On the other hand - if he was like this when you met him then you knew what you were getting into. Just hoping this is not a case of finding a chap you like and then changing him to make him more into the kind of chap you want to stay with.

Obviously, that guy was a total creep if your OH was afraid to be left alone with him. :eek:
My BF isn't a creep, he actually has a heart of gold so there's no fear there, he just seems to try and impress other guys and the more laughs he gets, the more he keeps going! Like I said, he wouldn't talk like that if he were with just women.
And yeah, opinion guy, I have said it to him but he doesn't get the big deal, he thinks he's just having a laugh and where's the harm. He says that's just the way men talk to each other & that they don't mean anything by it. As far as he's concerned, he was just having "guy-time" with my bro the other night - he thinks that if the two of them are talking that we girls aren't even listening to them. The same way as if I were talking to her about girlie stuff they would tune out and wouldn't be listening.....

shellyboo

Give him a taste of his own medicine, maybe? I mean, I wouldn't usually advocate game-playing, but he's just being silly about it. Next time he starts it you should join in and be twice as vulgar as he is, I guarantee you he'll hate it. After that, it should be as simple as "I'll stop if you'll stop".

Like you say, you don't care when you're not there... but he should have a bit of respect for you when you are around and keep that sort of shite talk to a minimum.

MelanieC

Ha Ha!! That's an idea Shellyboo but that's just not me I'm afraid! I wouldn't even know how to talk like that and would just go red! Think I would probably sound like your mum trying to talk dirty!!:D

opinion guy

haha i like shellyboo's idea......if you can keep up with him of course!!!

hmm but maybe you need to make it clearer to him. i mean he's already pissed off at you now (not that he should be) - you may as well spell it out to him. i mean whatever about sayin this stuff in adults company - saying it in front of kids is not on. that would seem like a good approach to the subject no ?


funny this reminds me of a friend who was like this - was prone to saying things like 'wud ya look at the gash on ur one' in mixed company. seriously mortifiying and in truth i used to avoid him because of it. but he grew up over time and is a pleasure in mixed company now.

which raises a point - what age is your fella ?

MelanieC

opinion guy wrote: »

haha i like shellyboo's idea......if you can keep up with him of course!!!

hmm but maybe you need to make it clearer to him. i mean he's already pissed off at you now (not that he should be) - you may as well spell it out to him. i mean whatever about sayin this stuff in adults company - saying it in front of kids is not on. that would seem like a good approach to the subject no ?


funny this reminds me of a friend who was like this - was prone to saying things like 'wud ya look at the gash on ur one' in mixed company. seriously mortifiying and in truth i used to avoid him because of it. but he grew up over time and is a pleasure in mixed company now.

which raises a point - what age is your fella ?

He'll be 27 in a few weeks so there's no excuse!
I can actually hear him saying something like that above too but only if there were another guy there that he'd be trying to impress. If he were just with girls, he'd never be that disrespectful. It's strange........a craving to be accepted by his male peers I guess. I suppose he probably will become more self-assured and grow out of it in time.

MelanieC

He's still pissed off with me!! Honestly!! :rolleyes:

Taltos

MelanieC wrote: »

Obviously, that guy was a total creep if your OH was afraid to be left alone with him. :eek:
My BF isn't a creep, he actually has a heart of gold so there's no fear there

My sister thought the same and we all could see how much she loved this guy not to tell her how we felt.
The above that were quoted would be exactly what he would come out with too.
In the end I stopped laughing out of politeness and took to avoiding him.
Even got to the point a few yrs ago of telling them both I was going to leave their house due to his inappropriate comments. My sis had the grace to look embarrassed - he just laughed and told me to get a sense of humour - but really I did not want to hear about their antics the night before. Eejit.

Look just be straight with him.
Tell him that these comments are making you uncomfortable and while you do care for him you do not care for how he is making you feel.
So simple really - he tones it down most esp in your company or you will find someone else who will care more for you than for their own ego.

shellyboo

Well, honestly Mel, if my boyfriend told me to shut up in public I'd be very, very, very pissed off too. It's the height of disrespect, tbh. You shouldn't have censored him in front of others, I always think that couples should never air that stuff in public - it should be private.

That's not to say that he wasn't embarrassing you, I know he was - but putting him down in public over it is not the way to fix it. If he's still annoyed, you need to sit down with him and hash it out properly. Tell him that he was embarrassing you so much that you couldn't listen to it anymore and had to stop him. If he can't make the tiny wee effort to talk more respectfully when you're around, that's not good enough, tbh. It's not a big deal.

MelanieC

I know what you're saying. I wouldn't normally tell him to shut up in public coz I would be furious if he did that to me, it's just that he was ignoring my warning looks and I felt like I had no other choice with the kids in the room. Whatever about me not liking it, I'm an adult. But children shouldn't hear those kinds of things I think so that's why I eventually snapped at him. Don't think he'll be coming babysitting with me again! All he had to say was "I was doing you a favour and that's how you repay me"!! :rolleyes: I give up!

Taltos

MelanieC wrote: »

I give up!

Maybe that is your answer....

accept him and the fallout from family and friend or just tell him to get lost...

Personally I think you were good to tell him to shut it infront of the kids - at least someone there had the guts to stop him - your family couldn't without risking upsetting you - so only you could do this.

And hold on - 27 yr old now sulking?

Too many things are stacking up against him here - hope he realises this...

shellyboo

MelanieC wrote: »

All he had to say was "I was doing you a favour and that's how you repay me"!! :rolleyes: I give up!

Ah ffs. What a child!! I see why you're frustrated.

Yeah, a big chat is needed. Do you think you can sit him down and talk to him about it? The more mature you act about it, the more it will highlight his immature behaviour.

muboop1

MelanieC wrote: »

Ha Ha!! That's an idea Shellyboo but that's just not me I'm afraid! I wouldn't even know how to talk like that and would just go red! Think I would probably sound like your mum trying to talk dirty!!:D

ha, feck that, go another route, get one of your girl mates over and chatter on about periods giving details even you crige at! (obviously let the friend know in advance)

then talk about lads you want to ride etc...

he will not take that to well!

bp

Hi Mel,

I hate to bring up old issues, but is this the same guy you posted about before - who drinks and gets angry? Is he now making inappropriate remarks in front of your daughter?

You just need to say to him (away from other people) that those comments maybe ok in the pub with the boys, but its a different story in front of family and kids....all guys can become macho sometimes and forget where exactly they are/ the company they are in

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055614267&highlight=MelaineC

MelanieC

bp wrote: »

Hi Mel,

I hate to bring up old issues, but is this the same guy you posted about before - who drinks and gets angry? Is he now making inappropriate remarks in front of your daughter?

You just need to say to him (away from other people) that those comments maybe ok in the pub with the boys, but its a different story in front of family and kids....all guys can become macho sometimes and forget where exactly they are/ the company they are in

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055614267&highlight=MelaineC

Yeah, it is the same guy but I don't want to bring up old issues either. A lot of people in this forum tend to be over-dramatic and like to turn everyone's often trivial problems into huge "leave him!" dramas! That previous issue was a serious problem which has been sorted out and things are now totally fine on that front. And no, he doesn't make inappropriate comments in front of my daughter, in fact he's quite protective of her. I think he was just so eager to impress my bro the last night that he forgot they (or me!) were even there. :rolleyes:

I said from the start that this is not a big deal, it's just a minor annoyance and yet still I get replies saying "ged rid of him"!! That's hugely over-reacting and not in the slightest helpful! While I appreciate that some people like Taltos may have had bad experiences with people who may have said or done some of the same things I refer to, that's not to say that because he was a creep then my boyfriend is a creep or because she had to eventually leave hers then I should leave mine! A lot of advice posted is very subjective and thus overdramatic and inaccurate. Some perspective is needed I think when replying to other people's posts. Their problems are never exactly the same as yours and cannot and should not be solved with the same sweeping tactics.

Anyhow, like i said this was only ever an "AAARRRGGGGHHHH, why do men do this?" thing, not a life or death crisis! God love him, my bf is not a disgusting monster! He's a comedian who gets carried away once he gets a laugh and forgets where he is! And he is very funny which means I sometimes even forget my disgust and have to laugh so then of course my argument is completely out the window! :mad: He has apologised and has promised to keep his "funny" comments for the lads down the pub but something tells me I'm still going to have to keep him in check from time to time! Boys will be boys I suppose!:rolleyes:

Wibbs

MelanieC wrote: »

A lot of advice posted is very subjective and thus overdramatic and inaccurate. Some perspective is needed I think when replying to other people's posts. Their problems are never exactly the same as yours and cannot and should not be solved with the same sweeping tactics.

Yep I agree and sometimes it's simply that someone may just want to have a good oul fashioned rant to get it down on paper/pixels and get it out.

laura l

MelanieC wrote: »

Now in the pub with the lads is one thing but in someone else's house, sitting in the living-room at 8 in the evening, watching the X-Factor and saying things like " I can't decide if I'd prefer to do Cheryl Cole or Dannii Minogue. Ah sure, I'd probably just drink a bottle of Lucozade and do the both of them"

i find a comment like "hah, she wouldn't be with you anyway" generally kills those type of remarks.