Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

how do you know if you're ready to have a family?

  • 21-09-2009 2:41pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hey
    i dont really know if this is for PI or not, or even how to start but anyway ill try explain it.
    Im nearly 30 (female) and all my life ive never been one of those girls that adores babies and kids. But i always just assumed that as i got older, i'd eventually want one of my own.
    Now a good few of my friends have settled down with kids and my boyfriend of almost 3years told me that he'd like a couple of kids. I didnt really know how to answer him because i have no idea how i feel about it. Right now i dont want a baby but i still think that in a few years maybe ill change my mind.

    I guess what im asking is should i not know by now if i want children or not?? Where is my biological clock or whatever. I just feel apathetic about the whole thing...im not certain that i never ever will want kids but yet i dont feel anything when i see pregnant women or my friends with their kids.
    Im not being put under any pressure by family or friends to make up my mind now, but i always read about how women shouldnt be waiting too long before they start having babies, as the older you get the more complications can arise....so thats why im starting to worry. I only really have another few years to make up my mind one way or another.


Comments

  • #2
    skooterblue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 168 ✭✭skooterblue


    Well are the conditions right for you to have a child?
    Nice stable relationship?
    nice surroundings?
    good support from your family?
    good source of income ?

    These are not necessary to have a child but it helps
    Please dont wake up in your late 30's and be gyn's offfice asking "So what are my chances of me getting pregnant at 3x?". Its a hard job at any time in your life but it is easier when you are at your physical peak.


  • #3
    Nataly Nutritious Rubber
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Nataly Nutritious Rubber


    Unregistered wrote: »
    hey
    i dont really know if this is for PI or not, or even how to start but anyway ill try explain it.
    Im nearly 30 (female) and all my life ive never been one of those girls that adores babies and kids. But i always just assumed that as i got older, i'd eventually want one of my own.

    Look OP you don't have to want kids just because you're female. It's perfectly ok, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong. You can sit and consider it, but there's not much point to having them just to make your OH happy.
    You also don't have to be madly broody to want them. I would possibly like some with OH in the future but that doesn't mean I coo over other people's kids or go nuts for them. No thanks...


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi I feel exactly the same as you (and I am 37) - thought that one day the cluckiness might hit but it hasn't. My husband & I both feel much the same but its a little harder for you in that your boyfriend wants children. Have you expliained exactly the way you feel? I think children are too big a responsibility to take on if you are having them just because your husband wants them or because of peer pressure. Nearly all of my family/friends now have families and although I am delighted for their happiness I dont feel envious at all. By the way I am not a child hater .... I do think they are fantastic and adorable (most of them anyway) but I just never had the urge to have one of my own. I do sometimes worry that I may regret this decision one day but to be honest if I dont have the urge now I dont think I ever will - a child has to be truly wanted - and besides theres absolutely nothing wrong with living child free! Best of luck - its a hard one I know.


  • #5
    Emme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    skooterblue wrote: »
    Well are the conditions right for you to have a child?
    Nice stable relationship?
    nice surroundings?
    good support from your family?
    good source of income ?

    These are not necessary to have a child but it helps
    Please dont wake up in your late 30's and be gyn's offfice asking "So what are my chances of me getting pregnant at 3x?". Its a hard job at any time in your life but it is easier when you are at your physical peak.

    I always wanted children but never had all of the above at the same time and rather than bring a person into an imperfect world, I didn't have children. My main reason was that I didn't meet the right guy at the right time. If I had I would definitely have children now. Last weekend I bumped into a guy I knew in my 20s - he wasn't ready to have kids then but is ready now and was joking me that he knew of women in their late 30s who were having kids and would I have one for him! OK so he was joking, but in my opinion there are too many risks involved in a woman having a child when she's over 35.

    If the OP is happy and in a stable relationship which has a future she should definitely consider having children now. If she doesn't want children then should she be in a relationship with a guy who does want them?


Advertisement