Advice

Satinknickers

Hi there,

Ive been going out with my girlfriend about 6 years now, when we first started going out we used to watch porn together, she wouldnt have a probelm with me reading magazines like FHM and Loaded(infact she would buy them for me) and was pretty much as laid back a girlfriend as she could be.

The first 6 months of our relationship i also suspected she wasnt very serious about us and im nearly sure she met up with her ex on a number of occasions during that 6 months! I never confronted her about it and since then we havent looked back its been great, actually the best time of our lives, but i have noticed that over the last 2-3 years she has become really uptight about things like watching porn, even reading FHM to the extent where i dont buy it anymore just to avoid the argument!

I know it sounds a little leftfield but could it be a fact that because she might of been off with her ex the first few months of us going out she "allowed" me this and now its got serious she believes i should stop? Or am i thinking into it too much?

I know this is more a Relationship issue but i just wanted to get a female perspective on this issue?

Thanks!

Xiney

Moved from the ladies' lounge.

helimachoptor

Hard one to judge, I would assume most girls would relax the longer they are in a relationship.

Maybe now she's becoming more serious, maybe she's jealous? Has she put on weight/thinks she's now unattractive?? could be something along those lines op.

I know from my own experience when myself and the OH start going out FHM was considered bad and nuts/zoo etc were considered porn! But i used to buy them when we went on holidays and eventaully she realised I did buy it for the articles, I would buy a lot more mens health magazine!

Best thing to do is to talk to her

Beetlebum

It was six years ago so even if you somehow found out that back then she was with her ex, there's not much you can do about that now.
I'm not even sure where you're getting the correlation form between her ex of six years ago and her suddenly getting uptight about FHM etc.
Maybe she's feeling a bit self conscience about her body lately and is comparing herself to teh girls in the magazines?
Maybe she's annoyed with you over something else and is taking it out on you in a weird way?
Maybe lots of things!

Why don't you ask her why she used to enjoy porn and buy you magazines but now it causes arguments?
Ask her straight up. To be honest, you are a grown up and nobody should dictate what you can or can't read. I wouldn't be able to ask my boyfriend not to watch porn without laughing! FHM is just a magazine, that would be more my issue if I was you then the ex of 6 years ago tbh

Quality

She probably feels ugly and unattractive compared to the girls in the magazines.

Satinknickers

I dont think it is that and to be honest, she probably has got better looking since we started going out! This thing just seemed to start about 3 years ago and its not really the girls in the mag im buying it for but the reading too! The porn we used to look at was something fun for the bedroom, but now she just thinks i want to look at porn to check out the other girls! Before then though she had no probelm with me reading them and as i said she used to buy them for me!

opinion guy

hey OP (sorry i just can't call u satinknickers.....)

anyhow - i think you are making a big leap about her seein the ex. and even if so - you've had 6 good years since - really - who cares ?

there could be a million other reasons why she changed her mind on porn. in fact i myself saw a documentary on the porn industry recently that has given me a much more negative opinion on it (a whole other discussion). Maybe it was something like that, maybe her friend's boyfriend ran off with a pornstar. who knows ? we could speculate all day

but really. do as Beetlebum suggested and just ask her simply why she changed her mind. i wouldn't even mention the ex. if it didn't bother you back then - i don't see why it should bother you now (hmmm or if that is an issue for you i woulnd't bring it up in conneciton with the porn - not really in any way related).

Nervous Wreck

Quality wrote: »

She probably feels ugly and unattractive compared to the girls in the magazines.

Satinknickers wrote: »

I dont think it is that and to be honest, she probably has got better looking since we started going out!

From this next part, it seems that's exactly what it is:

Satinknickers wrote: »

but now she just thinks i want to look at porn to check out the other girls!

Either that or she's perhaps scared that you're playing away from home. People don't get jealous when they feel secure.

Chinafoot

Satinknickers wrote: »

I dont think it is that and to be honest, she probably has got better looking since we started going out!

In your eyes. That doesn't necessarily mean she feels that way about herself. If she is feeling unattractive no amount of compliments from you will change that. Its her issue to sort out.

Th ex is a non-issue and after 6 years that really shouldnt have even entered your brain.

Talk to her. Ask her why she doesn't like it anymore. Don't be confrontational, listen to her.

AMK

Many women are uncomfortable with their partners looking at porn, even soft porn and probably find it difficult to explain why. Also, in our more liberal society these days, a lot of women are uneasy about saying they object to it in case they are considered a prude or uptight.

I reckon your girlfriend was always uncomfortable with you looking at FHM or whatever but in the first flush of love pretended she was OK with it. But as time went on, her true feelings emerged. I doubt very much it was anything to do with her ex.

Or as Opinion Guy said, maybe over the past six years her views have changed, perhaps because of more awareness of the nature of the porn industry or for some other reason.

You really need to talk to her about it. Porn can become a real bone of contention between couples, especially if the guy starts using it behind his partners back to avoid arguments. You sound like you really care about her so find a way to reach a middle ground you are both comfortable with.

lala stone

maybe she has been talking to her gfs or read something about it being destructive in a relationship,, this could have got her to thinking.. there is def an outside influence here..imo!

LegacyUser

can i just ask how is your sex life? cause to be fair if you do not have a healthy sex life or if there has been a decrease in you sex drive well then she may think that you would rather get your kicks out of magazines/pornos than the real thing,,, this may be a possible reason for her change in moods,