Help

LegacyUser

I have never posted here but i could do with a bit of advise.

i have been in a relationship for the past 3 years......love him to bits and dont want to loose him. But he just doesnt seem bothered about our relationship at times. We never do things together and only see him at the weekend so it's kinda hard. I cant remember the last nice thing he did it's been so long. Just feeling really down about it and i dont know what to do. the last few times we've gone for dinner together organised it. that hasnt happened since April cos i've given up. i thought maybe if i didnt do it he might start to do something. we havent had a weekend away together in months and we both live at home so it's not like we've spent a night together in between then. I dont know whether i should call it a day and see if he'll actually miss me or not. but i'd be terrified if i did that'd be lights out and he'd let me go for good. Now there is the good side about him he's just amazing but there's that part floating around in my head wondering if it will ever change. ALso i wouldnt be the best looking person in the world so that gets to me too that maybe it's because i'm just not pretty enough for him.

Wurly

Okay looking from the outside in:

You need to tell him that he needs to make the effort.

At this moment, he knows he doesn't need to do anything as you will pick up the slack. Instinctively, he knows you're 'trying to keep him'. Isn't that nice?

Problem is - he will lose respect for you this way. Not pretty enough for him? For f*ck sake, now come on!!!! Just take a look around you in the street - are all the girls with good looking guys supermodels? No, obviously they're not. But luckily for us all, it's not just looks that keep you with someone. It's personality, how you feel in their company, the ability to be yourself and have fun around them and of course CONFIDENCE. It is so very important.

I have a fat/ugly/stupid/not good enough day as much as the rest of us. Probably more tbh..... But the only person who thinks these things about me is ME! And that's the same for you. If you inherently think of yourself as worthy and beautiful, then others will think the same. If you think the opposite, then others will agree.

It's about confidence. Now.... What about 'him trying to keep you????'

You see - you're perpetuating the fact that you must keep him as he's better than you. Can you therefore see why nothing will change with that mindset?

Keep a level playing field here. When you are not happy, speak up!! You don't have to be aggressive or bolshy - just speak your mind. From your post - it doesn't seem like you've spoken to him about it. Men tend to get comfortable sometimes. If you don't speak up, they assume all is okay and that's the way to do things in future.

So - you need to really tell him how you're feeling, right?

And you need to be the prize. He is lucky to have you, right??

And by what standards are you not pretty enough? Who are you comparing yourself to? Dont! Waste of time. There is only one of you. Try to embrace it. (taking my own advice all the while here, lol).

So - you solve this problem by speaking your mind and embracing who you are. Would you agree, OP?

LegacyUser

You are right my god you've actually cheered me up reading your post! something i didnt think was quite possible today!

I let him away with far too much i know i shouldnt but things do need to start changing because at the end of the day he's not going to see i'm not happy if i dont tell him. And as you've said it's me inside as the person he's in love with and if he wants it well he's going to have to make efforts to keep it. and at the end of the day if he doesnt want to make the effort well i think i will have my answer as to he doesnt want this relationship to work. He's always talking about the future far more than me but i just fear that this will never change and i need to for my own happiness!

Thank you so much for your advise and making me smile today! it's like a weight lifted off my shoulders having posted here and made me more confident about what i have to do to change it! I wont see him for a few days but i will let you know how it goes.

Wurly

Good for you, my dear. Do indeed let me know how it goes and i'm so glad I could be of help to you.:)