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How to finish LDR

  • 20-09-2009 10:44pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi everyone. No major problem really but would like advice. I'm seeing a fella for a few months who lives in a different country. This LDR is not working out for me. We were only seeing each other a few weeks before he had to move abroad for his job, his company sent him so he had to go or else lose his job. I do not know much about him. I've visited him three times since he moved. He's very into me, but I'm not into him. When we did meet up I found that I am not interested in him. We've nothing in common. I have given this LDR a chance. He's very nice but I don't want to be in this situation any more. We ring most days or else just text but I don't want a relationship with a text every now and again. He won't be home for another month and even then it's for a couple of days. Do I wait until he comes home to end it or will i tell him over the phone?? This LDR situation is hard as I feel you are not your real self on the phone, anyone can put on a "smily face" even if they don't feel it. I can't get to know him over the phone and it's harder because I didn't really know him before he left. Plus in a LDR it hard to say some things by phone/text.


Comments

  • #2
    kjl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    ring him up and tell him, be frank and to the point.


  • #3
    Terodil
    Closed Accounts Posts: 809 ✭✭✭Terodil


    what to do wrote: »
    This LDR [...]
    From what you're writing, I don't think you have a LDR, if even a relationship, at all.

    If you're in it for some short-term gratification then I wonder why you agreed to have a 'relationship' in the first place. If you wanted something longer, then
    what to do wrote: »
    I don't want a relationship with a text every now and again. He won't be home for another month and even then it's for a couple of days.
    wouldn't really come into the equation. What's a month to a serious relationship?

    You're complaining that you don't know him well enough... well tbh, I don't think you're even trying to get to know him better. Texts will never do that, but what about Skype/MSN or even emails?

    So you're not attracted to him and don't put any effort into getting to know him better. Yet you agreed to a relationship, presumably on his impulse... you led him on. =(

    I think you should send a letter and explain/apologise to him. I'm not a fan of telephone break ups.


  • #4
    Ramiro Crashing Ringer
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Ramiro Crashing Ringer


    Terodil wrote: »

    I think you should send a letter and explain/apologise to him. I'm not a fan of telephone break ups.

    I think for an LDR, a telephone call is as close as you can get to face-to-face, in that you're both there talking about it. A letter is a bit too much like an email or text regarding breaking up... it's a bit "I can't handle actually talking to you"


  • #5
    Terodil
    Closed Accounts Posts: 809 ✭✭✭Terodil


    bluewolf wrote: »
    I think for an LDR, a telephone call is as close as you can get to face-to-face, in that you're both there talking about it. A letter is a bit too much like an email or text regarding breaking up... it's a bit "I can't handle actually talking to you"
    I get what you are saying, I just think that sometimes, esp. when one person is emotionally deeply involved and will probably take it badly, giving them some space and time to digest and think may be preferable to kicking them in the nuts and then expecting them to give a self-respecting or even well-reasoned response, you know? It's not so much about not being able to handle the talking on the part of the dumper, it may be more about keeping some self-respect and integrity on the part of the dumpee. I don't really want to put myself into the shoes of either but I think if it had to be, then I'd prefer learning about it in writing so I could sit down and cry my eyes out *before* facing her for the last time. :(


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all, thanks for replies. I'm not in this for self-gratification. I said Id give it a try, I liked him when we met and then visited him three times but as I said we have nothing in common. I travelled to see him to get to know him and see how things went. I have not led him on.

    I have no problem using Skype/Email/MSN but he doesn't use the net and had never heard of Skype. He's not into technology/communications which doesn't help as I love to chat/email/text etc.

    Anyways, I've decided to go and visit him this weekend and let him know face to face.


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