interfering father

LegacyUser

Hi,
I have a bit of a problem with my father that is stressing me out a lot. I am in my mid twenties and I am living at home. I am a teacher and unfortunately i do not have a job since the beginning of the summer holidays. My father spoke to an ex colleague of mine asking to see if they could find a job for me. My father never told me he did this and I got a text off said colleague asking was I looking for work. I was immediately suspicious as it was completely out of the blue and jobs are normally advertised. I got talking to colleague the next day and he told me there are hours going and I should call up to the school to discuss it. I asked why it wasn't advertised and was told the hours just came up. I found out later that day that the colleague had rung my father before I was talking to him and told him I am starting on Monday (this was Friday). Bearing in mind i have not decided to take a job or actually been offered one this iscrazy.

I feel the situation is so unprofessional and I also feel obliged to take the job if its offered. the thing is I feel sick at the thoughts of going back in to the classroom. I have recently discovered I dont think its for me. I got in to teaching cos my father advised me to which is pathetic i know. I am a bundle of nerves as I am due to go up to the school tomorrow. I have a big problem saying no and I am constantly wanting to please everyone else. I am full of self loathin because either way I am gonna be unhappy or make somebody disappointed with me. I know it sounds crazy to not want a job in recession but i feel I have no say in this and it is making me so upset. The reason I am writing on boards is for advice, do i go along as always with what I am told to do? I am so confused and I would appreciate any advice

Thank you so much in advance

opinion guy

Hmmmmm
honeslty OP

whatever your issues are with this. i think you need to be pragmatist. its a recession. there are no jobs. ur dad rightly or wrongly pulled you one. TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT!!!!!!!!! Its an income. they will pay you money. money can be exchanged for goods and services. services like retraining into something you want to do.

Now don't get me wrong i hear all you are saying. but. whatever your isses with all this are - you aint' going to solve them sitting on the couch. take the job in the short to medium term - u will have an income - make a plan to get out of teachin and into whatever it is you want - use your income to make the plan a reality. buy your dad a nice present for helping you out when so many would be glad of a job!

unprofessional -hmmmm i don't know. as far as i can see most jobs in most professions come down to word of mouth

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

I dont think you should take the job your old enough now to follow your own dreams and not have to be a teacher if you do not want to be, a lot of people are using this time to change career, you could study something totally different at this time.

It might be difficult living with your father if he is scrutinizing your life, is their any way you can move out? live with a friend? If not just have something completly sorted out before you tell him, like your starting a course on monday! once he sees you doing something he may leave you alone, just tell him its what will make you happy and the old life was depressing you.

I think you sound like your at your wits end living life you dont want, i think it is totally possible to turn your life around even though there is a recession on,

There is nothing wrong with sitting on the couch for a while, while you re think your life, I am doing it at the moment, I have some savings and i am taking a well deserved rest, snuggled up on the couch, I am an artist and art teacher and i am now taking the time to be an artist full time which was my dream, I have never been happier in this space and i know this new found happiness will guide me further into where i want to go because i am daring to dream it.


If you would like some guidance on finding your life purpose this may make for interesting reading......


http://www.oprah.com/search.jsp?query=life+purpose&resultsPerPage=20&sortBy=Relevancy&filterType=&filterBy=&page=1&x=0&y=0




Good luck OP, i think it is a courageous thing to stand up for what you want in life, i think you should go for it !!

kjl

sounds to me like you got too confortable not working, you dad pulled some stings, its not the end of the world, just the job and stop moaning

Ste.phen

Take the job, and if you don't like it, start looking for another one!

Sleipnir

You're Dad sounds like he is trying to help you, which is a good thing.
Have you told him that you don't particularly like teaching and that you don't want to go back? If not, how is he supposed to know?

If I was out of work and someone rang me and said my old man got me a job with them, I'd send him a bottle of wine.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,thanks for replying. I appreciate all your advice. I have never once got comfortable being unemployed and I am constantly keeping busy,volunteering for charity organisations, giving grinds etc I know my original post might sound like moaning but i am genuine and not lazy and just need practical advice. I am trying to move out and have a couple of numbers to call this morning. I too have savings and am living off those rather than the Government. I am going to the school this morning and I have decided to talk over the optionswith them before making a decision. At the end of the day I am gonna try make myself happy so hopefully I'll make the right decision.

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to reply

LegacyUser

Dad shows a bit of initiative, and gets described as "interfering"?

It's a Dad's job to look after his family, you are still his child. (You will not realise this until it's too late, when you are a parent yourself)

Fair play to the man and, maybe you could take a leaf out of his book and do something innovative about getting work?

Whispered

Teaching jobs are very hard to come by at the moment and from what I can see, most teaching jobs are got on merit of who you know anyway. I know one very good teacher who could not get an interview anywhere. Jobs were adviertised, but they already had their candidate picked. A job came up in her locality. She went to the local priest. Suprise suprise, she got an interview. The priest isn't even on the panel.

It's a horrible thing about teaching, there are some amazing teachers out there, but unless they pull strings, chances of getting an interview are slim.

snowy2008

hes not interferring, hes only trying to help coz he loves you, seriously, from experience, you should say thanks for helping, do whatever you want to do but he only had your best interests at heart, i lost my dad during the year, your so lucky you still have one so be nice

LegacyUser

Teresa what you said has really struck a chord with me. I know now I have been ungrateful with this situation and what you said is right. Thank you.

Helena what you are saying about teaching jobs is so right. I have been passed over for people with contacts before and its horrible. I feel a bit guilty getting a job this way but I suppose a job is a job no matter how you get it.

Banana Rep maybe you are right that i wont understand what it is like to be a parent but I am extremely innovative about getting work, I have gone on at least 12 interviews in the last month and I have lost count of how many CVs I have sent off. Maybe I should use my contacts more, I wonder is that innovative.

I will take the hours and work on moving out and trying to figure out what to do instead of teaching.
Once again thanks for your advice even though some of it was hard to hear, (I'm a big softie )

Firetrap

I'm just glad you didn't do anything too hasty. At least your having a job (even if you don't like how you got it) means that you can make plans from here. You're not the first person to have realised that they're in a job that they're not suited to or they hate.

I think you have other problems going on that you need to deal with. I get the impression that you're lacking a bit in self-confidence so you might need to work on that. It might be time to move out from home and strike out on your own. Go share a house with some others and get to enjoy life as a proper adult. Take a look around at what courses, be it night classes or distance learning, that you can do if you want to change careers. You're still young - you've plenty of time to change track.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Many of the replies could also be seen as pretty judgmental, no one really knows you just from a paragraph,

I thought you were saying that you needed some time to figure out what you wanted to do with your life and your father was pushing you into another job that may not have been right at this time for you, please dont go away thinking you were selfish for expressing yourself like you have, everyone is different, you may just want to be you now and there is nothing wrong with that.

Society can be so con-formative sometimes, its not always about making money and being a success, if you have some savings and would like some time to think there is no wrong in that, who's life are we living anyway? All these people who have just replied and berated you have based their opinion on what would be right for them not you.

opinion guy

Hey OP

hope u did not take my sitting on the couch crack to heart. i did not mean to imply you were being lazy, which you clearly are not, was merely trying to make the point that its easier to get into something new when you have an income behind you than when you don't. i know u have savings - but they can dissappear very quickly i have found!!

good luck!!

skooterblue

helena.ryan wrote: »

Teaching jobs are very hard to come by at the moment and from what I can see, most teaching jobs are got on merit of who you know anyway. I know one very good teacher who could not get an interview anywhere. Jobs were adviertised, but they already had their candidate picked. A job came up in her locality. She went to the local priest. Suprise suprise, she got an interview. The priest isn't even on the panel.

It's a horrible thing about teaching, there are some amazing teachers out there, but unless they pull strings, chances of getting an interview are slim.

You think this is an isolated incident? These jobs are all given out to "who you know people" rather than "What you know" people. If I wanted to civil/public service job you have to lobby your local politician.

Sure get up on your high horse and grit your teeth but it will be a long time before you get another job. If snub this favour it will be a long time before anyone does a professional favour again. Dont look a gift horse in the mouth.