Inappropriate behaviour - what to do?

kerash

Hi, I feel this is a strange PI but I really would appreciate some advice on an issue that has cropped up.

My grandparent attends a local sporting club weekly to watch the event. A person (not involved with the club directly but who attends in an official capacity) has made my grandparent feel very uncomfortable by their physical advances - this involves sitting on my grandparents lap (my grandparent is in a wheelchair) making suggestive sexual comments, kissing my grandparent. The person has also make remarks in fromt of other people attending the event and they would laugh at my grandparents expense.

I have witnessed this on two occasions but unfortunately I thought the person was just odd and I did nothing. Only today did I find out that this has continued for months and to the point where my grandparent has decided not to attend the clubs events any more.

My grandparent has asked for two of the clubs officials to call by to discuss this person and their actions but is unwilling to make an official complaint or confront the person in fear of offending other club members or it becoming gossip. My grandparent is also afraid that they will be physically harmed by the person.

I'm not sure what to do. What I really want to do is confront the person myself but that might not be for the best.
Would this be considered harassment? or will people laugh at the idea of my 78 year old grandparent being afraid of a 30 something year old making crude advances for kicks.
I'm very upset at idea of my grandparent being taken advantage of.

104494431

I don't mean to be smart but I'd approach the person, ask to speak with them, tell them exactly what you think, and tell them that if you ever see anything like it occurring again that you and them will have a serious problem.

kerash

Thats what I want to do, but it's not what my grandparent wants. I'm not sure I could control my reactions face to face with them - leading to more trouble. It's a fcuking mess.

Silverfish

kerash wrote: »

Thats what I want to do, but it's not what my grandparent wants. I'm not sure I could control my reactions face to face with them - leading to more trouble. It's a fcuking mess.

Have other people noticed this?

Perhaps if it was possible to get an unconnected 3rd party to have a word with this person and tell them their behaviour isn't on. Or more than isn't on, more absolutely disgraceful.

kerash

Silverfish wrote: »

Have other people noticed this?

Perhaps if it was possible to get an unconnected 3rd party to have a word with this person and tell them their behaviour isn't on. Or more than isn't on, more absolutely disgraceful.

Yes other people would have seen some of it, but I'm worried their perception may be that it's just a bit of fun or something on the perpetrators behalf. I dont want my grandparent to me made look a fool. Although aside from the embarrassment of the sexual aspect, my grandparent has been physically hurt by the the person jumping onto their lap.

The club officials will be calling by to visit my grandparent in the coming week, my grandparent knows these people well and they would have seen some of the behaviour. I'm thinking it's best to go down that route first and hopefully they can help. It's hard to know the best way to go about things.
I'm only sorry I wasn't around more lately and could have sorted it on the spot.

Zaph

It might be a good idea to be there when the officials visit your grandparent, if you can. While he/she may not want to make a huge fuss of it, it would do no harm if you let the officials know exactly what you think and that you want them to put an end to it asap.

kerash

Your right, I'll make sure I'm there and make it clear that it is a serious issue. Thanks it's good to have others opinion on this.

TequilaMockingBird

You can, without putting it into words, convey your upset about this to the officials. Facial expressions can say alot. Or you might get a chance to say something briefly while seeing them out. If they are aware someone in the family is outraged about it, they may be more inclined to sort it out.

I thinks its admirable you are being so considerate of your grandparents feelings, s/he doesn't want a fuss, as much as it is deserved.

Good luck to you both.

dan_d

Have to say OP, your story is making me so angry.
What kind of sick, perverted person behaves like that? Well done to you for caring and actually trying to help.
Can you have a quiet word with these officials yourself?Without your Grandparent knowing?Maybe just to say that's he's finding this quite upsetting and you'd appreciate them doing everything they can to make it stop. I can't believe nobody else has said this to this person before now.
Good luck,OP, I'll be hoping things are solved for you.

m'lady

Is this person that is harrassing your grandfather some sort of care worker op? Abuse of the elderly is not widely known about or rather its not spoken about, but its a serious offence, and something should be done about this. After all if it was a man doing this to a woman it would be taken seriously.

kerash

Just an update.
We spoke to the officials who were very understanding and good and have been assured that the issue will be dealt with. Hopefully this will draw a line under it.
Thanks again to everyone for the advice and encouragement.

DigiGal

people are so horrid

wexford202

kerash wrote: »

Just an update.
We spoke to the officials who were very understanding and good and have been assured that the issue will be dealt with. Hopefully this will draw a line under it.
Thanks again to everyone for the advice and encouragement.

Hi OP.

You are very good to be there to defend your grandparent. I have three still two aged 84 and one aged 94.

I truly hoes your grandparent returns to the social outings and that the person that made them feels this way is very embarrassed of their immature and intimidating behaviour.

It actually brought a tear to me eye reading your post.

Well done and your grandparent is very blessed and lucky to have you.

I'm so disgusted that anyone would let this blaguardism of a disabled pensioner go unremarked upon.
Even once. :mad: