Can't stay, can't go

sierrra

I've been in a relationship with the most wonderful man for the past 11 yrs but over the last few months I have been feeling like I don't really want to be in the relationship anymore. When I really consider breaking up with him though I feel scared and sick and I completely back off from the idea. I am so afraid it would end up being the biggest mistake of my life but at the same time, I'm not really happy with us. He's very different from everyone and that's what attracted me in the first place but now it's starting to bug me bcos I seem to be developing into someone else entirely. Sorry to go on but I just feel like a big coward and any advice would be so welcome

Moomoo1

Who is this 'someone else entirely', and how is he the reason you are developing into that 'someone else'?

This somewhat reminds me of the guy in the 'in bits' thread below http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055664089 - his OH of 7 years left him for exactly the same strange reason.

sierrra

Sorry, I don't think I made that clear enough. There is no one else involved. I think I'm changing into a different person

Moomoo1

I think the best idea is to discuss it with him and attempt to work on it together tbh. If you still have feelings for him that is.

sierrra

Problem is I'm a complete coward and can't confront this. I do still love him. It's just little things that annoy me. I like going out but he hates going to pubs and never comes with me and my friends. He never comes with me anywhere that involves a crowd of people or drinking just bcos he doesn't drink. My friends think it's really weird and I'm almost like a single person to them. I think they genuinely forget sometimes that I have a boyfriend. I know it's only a small thing but it's getting to me now and he refuses to compromise on it

Moomoo1

right, that's much clearer now. I think the important thing to do is to not do what the girl in the thread I linked did (without giving indication that anything was wrong she just one day said 'it's over'). Most differences of the kind you are describing can be rectified if both partners are willing to work on them. You need to talk to him about the issues you are having, and about the fact that those issues are serious enough to make you question the whole relationship. Most loving partners would be more than happy to work on those.

and not going to pubs is not weird. I mean, if you don't enjoy something, you don't enjoy it, right? Presumably there are other places that he is happy to go to? Maybe your friends can go with you there too? I'd tell your friends to mind their own business if I was in your place.

sierrra

Thanks MooMoo

CDfm

Ditch your friends Sierra. Your OH doesn't drink and they think he is odd. Very strange.

Your comment about changing seems to be you put the pub above your relationship. That says a lot about you.

Do you ever go out to dinner with friends which would be a bit more on the normal side and stuff he can participate in.

cafecolour

I'm not clear. Is it just that your OH doesn't drink so he doesn't go to pubs? Or is it that he's entirely a homebody and is happier watching a movie/on the computer than anything else. Does he have his own mates? If you have friends over for dinner, would he interact or would he just say hi and then go do his own thing?