Never Orgasmed

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Just looking for some advice - as the title says - I've never orgasmed.

I've been sexually active for 4 years. I know what you may be thinking - "Probably sexually repressed blah blah". It isn't true! I love sex, I feel entirely comfortable speaking about sex with my boyfriend of two years and I'm vocal in bed. We experiment and have a lot of fun - toys and kinky stuff. I'm confident in bed about my abilities. I don't stress out while in bed about "I wonder if I'll have an orgasm". I live very much in the moment.

Saying all that, from time to time I wonder what I'm missing out on. I know my boyfriend would like it if he could make me cum. I love to make him cum so I know he'd love if he could do the same for it. Is it possible I'm coming and I don't know it?!

I love my boyfriend and I do luuurve sex with him but I feel I'm missing out on a big secret.

I don't masturbate regularly. I just don't get the urge. I get horny for sex but I get bored masturbating. I get more of a kick from it if my boyfriend watches. I've tried toys but they don't do much for me.

I know I have to make myself cum before my boyfriend can. I'm outta ideas though.

bronte

Have a couple of glasses of wine and some alone time. It takes patience to figure out what you like yourself.
You need to dedicate some time to it.
Make sure you aren't putting pressure on yourself though.
Once you get an idea of what gets you off, you'll be able to pass it on to your boyfriend.

CDfm

Ask him to give you oral sex and if you dont know how buy a book.

Katgurl

how old are you OP? i was sexually active from 16 but didn't get there till I was 23. Now I've hit 30 its almost guaranteed

LegacyUser

Its a myth that every woman can cum from penetration alone. The female g-spot is a congenital relic of what could have grown into the male pituitary gland, in the same way as men have nipples even though they're (mostly) useless.

Some women have a well developed g-spot/leftover pituitary gland, others have f**k all. This is a scientifically proven fact.

This may be your problem, in which case, concentrate on the clitoris.

Also, for many women, sex doesn't really great for a good few years.

I'm sure you'll get there eventually.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

Ask him to give you oral sex and if you dont know how buy a book.

He does give me oral sex. We don't need a book to explain oral sex to us. I enjoy it and have a strong reaction to it but never orgasmed.

I got a book on orgasms for women but to be honest it was geared at those who have sexual hangups or who don't experiment etc. It was the best I could find.

Maybe I just can't orgasm.

Zaph

asithappens wrote: »

Its a myth that every woman can cum from penetration alone. The female g-spot is a congenital relic of what could have grown into the male pituitary gland, in the same way as men have nipples even though they're (mostly) useless.

Some women have a well developed g-spot/leftover pituitary gland, others have f**k all. This is a scientifically proven fact.

This may be your problem, in which case, concentrate on the clitoris.

Also, for many women, sex doesn't really great for a good few years.

I'm sure you'll get there eventually.

Only a wild guess here, but seeing as both men and women have a pituitary gland and it's located in the base of the brain, would I be correct in assuming you meant to say the prostate gland?

Otis Driftwood

If you cant bring yourself off what hope does your fella have of doing it.You need to get in tune with your own body and you will do this by masterbating and discovering your magic spot so to speak.Any girl Ive ever been with has liked different things,its just a matter of finding exactly what will tilt you over the edge.

LegacyUser

nedtheshed wrote: »

If you cant bring yourself off what hope does your fella have of doing it.

I understand this - hence the last line of my post "I know I have to make myself cum before my boyfriend can. I'm outta ideas though."

I'm not expecting an orgasm from penetrative sex either.

I guess the consensus is to spend a lot more time masturbating. It's so boring though compared to sex.

LegacyUser

Sorry for the double post but I somehow missed this and I can't edit my unregged post

Katgurl wrote: »

how old are you OP? i was sexually active from 16 but didn't get there till I was 23. Now I've hit 30 its almost guaranteed

I'm nearly 23.

LegacyUser

hey OP, I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. I have been active since I was about 15 and have never orgasmed.(I'm 27 now) I do masturbate but its really not the same as doing things with your partner. I always seem to reach a point and then.....nothing. Maybe it just doesn't happen for some people?

LegacyUser

Hey, it's kinda nice to hear someone is in the same boat as me! But kinda sad too - doesn't give much hope. I do enjoy my sex life like I said but I can't help but wonder what we're missing out on...

CDfm

no-big-O wrote: »

I got a book on orgasms for women but to be honest it was geared at those who have sexual hangups or who don't experiment etc. It was the best I could find.

Maybe I just can't orgasm.

I imagine you guys are trying too hard. You probably need to be more sensual and relax and have fun.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

I imagine you guys are trying too hard. You probably need to be more sensual and relax and have fun.

I don't think it's fair to make the assumption that because we can't bring ourselves to orgasm that we aren't sensual.

When I'm having sex - either masturbating or with partner - I am relaxed. Like I said, I live very much in the moment. I've got no hangups and I don't put pressure on myself.

I posted this because another post I read got me thinking about the whole orgasm situation. I guess I was looking for advice from other women who were in a similar situation and got over it. I think it's something women can offer more insightful advice on given the nature of the problem.

Thanks to any guys who took the time to offer advice though. It's kind and very much appreciated. I just feel after having researched this issue quite a bit that I don't fall into the usual brackets of those who have a problem i.e. those who put too much pressure on themselves, who feel embarrassed, who haven't explored their own bodies, who think it's up to their partner to make them feel good etc.

I'm relaxed, I'm free and I'm not putting pressure on myself. The book I bought was an interesting read and quite informative but ultimately not useful.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

My girlfriend has the same issue as you, has never orgasmed in her life, even by herself. She is the same age and has been sexually active for about 3 years. We have tried a number of different things but recently I have found out she is a bit closed talking with me on the topic of sex and is finding it difficult to let go.

Do you feel disappointed after sex that you haven't hit the big-O? maybe you can try and forget about trying to reach this target for a while and see if it will come naturally. It can get a bit frustrating after a while I can imagine, but keep trying, and hopefully it will happen!

LegacyUser

No someinput, I don't feel disappointed after sex that I haven't hit the big-O. Like I've said - it's the last thing on my mind during sex. I always enjoy sex with bf and I don't put pressure on myself or my body to respond in a certain way. I'm not closed talking about sex with him either nor am I afraid of letting go. I feel satisfied after sex I really do. Maybe it's a case of "I-Don't-Know-What-I'm-Missing-itius"?

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

You seem to be very sure that you are happy enough without having any orgasms but it obviously bugs you enough seeing as you posted an issue about it. Subconsciously i think it does bother you. You really need to get involved with your own body. Masturbation can be a very satisfying experience, if you find it boring i dont know how you expect to orgasm. Every woman should be able to do it, you need to figure out what it is you like. I myself cannot orgasm from sex alone, I need to help myself along. You need to masturbate for that to happen. And yes sex is good when i dont do it, i reach a certain point where i think it's going to happen but without clitoral stimulation it wont for me. You sound to me like you just need to know yourself first. I'd take a night on your own to figure it out.

ackadolg

Rough it up a bit when your giving yourself pleasure. Quicken the movements around your clitoris . PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY , until your in the Highest Heights of arousal and Turned-on-ness


Then say ... five hail Mary's and five our fathers ... and hey presto..

if you are feeling satisfied after sex , then why are you chasing the big-o?
Sounds like your getting everything you need. Leave it at that.


Be happy !

Oh ... and please let us know if and when it finally happens!

DigiGal

Zaph wrote: »

Only a wild guess here, but seeing as both men and women have a pituitary gland and it's located in the base of the brain, would I be correct in assuming you meant to say the prostate gland?

My g-spot is a leftover Prostate gland......ugggnnhhhhh lol

Anyway OP

It could be quite fun if you talked about this with your OH and you both spend a few hours messing around with different things to see if anything works, maybe pick yp a sex guide from easons or a sex shop

Try having a bath before hand as this helps and maybe read an erotic novel and light some candles or watch some pornography before hand so you are extra horny!


Its also possible OP that you are expecting too much...if you are satisfied after sex maybe you are reaching the big O its just not as big as you hopped, orgasam intensities can differ from person to perosn, for some its an explosion, for others its a warm tingle....

LegacyUser

I was the same a you up until I staring masterbating at 24. I had great great but not orgasm and it didn't bother me much. I bought myself a clit stimulator in Ann Summers and decided to give it a go, I have my first orgasm. Now I can do it by myself but still haven't been able to with my parnter, I get distracted but still enjoy sex very much. I am working on combining the masterbation and intercourse and I am getting closer. Have you tried watching pirn when masterbating, might make it less boring? I feel a lot closer to it now that I can get there on my own.. I am learning what works for me. You are not alone!

LegacyUser

I was totally in the same boat as you. Zero orgasms at the age of 26, but by no means a prude and loved sex! but just never got there It really got my current boyf down that I never orgasmed, so I bought a vibrator at an ann summers party but even that didnt work really.

I would really enjoy myself but just never got near an orgasm. Figured I just wasnt capable, oh how wrong was I!

I dont know about you but my problem was always Id be seriously enjoyin myself but it would all get too much and then Id give up. And then one night, I read a post on boards very similar to yours, and one person gave some excellent advice, that was just to sit in a quiet room by yourself and make sure to turn off your brain (very nb, dont think am i orgasming yet, just forget everythin and enjoy how you are feeling) and they also said that when you get to the point when its just too much and you would usually give up (so true for me), take a 30sec break and start again.

Well I cannot tell you how much this changed my life, I had bought a clit stimulator called the bullet (cannot recommend highly enough!! ) at ann summers and set my mind to finding my orgasm one night lol Well it took 5 minutes to find it! haha After 26 years I couldnt freaking believe it. That was last year and I havent looked back.

I still havent orgasmed from penetration alone and a full on vibrator doesnt do it for me, but me and my boyf have incorporated the bullet into our sex play which works for both of us!

I wish you the best of luck, stop worrying, dont be waiting for your orgasm to happen, just enjoy the pleasure of masturbation without thinking about anything else, and trust me the rest will follow! And when in doubt just keep going!

reesa

i became sexually active at 18 and had my first O at 21 (masturbation).

A few glasses of wine - some baby oil - Princes "kiss" was playing on the stereo - obviously lots of clitoral stimulation was involved and it took what seemed to be ages to get to the point of climax - but WOW! when i did, i was like omg so THATS an O (i honestly thought i kinda had had ones before but once you've had one you'll never that mistake again) - i can honestly say the first O i had was absolutely incredible and explosive - the ones later on are equally nice but in my case were never as intense - like people here are advising you need to be patient with yourself and relax - investing in some sex instruction books might help - but keep at it - it is well worth the effort

LegacyUser

I'm 23 right now, and have only started to enjoy having sex with my current partner in the last year. With previous boyfriends, I only enjoyed the foreplay but it's like something clicked when I got together with current OH. I have only orgasmed while having sex with him, and I honestly felt I never would up until half a year ago. Perhaps women just need to reach a peak or something..? Now that I can orgasm, I would hope it's not just down to the great sex with my other half.. I hope I have had something to do with it!!!