Emotional Night..Death sucks :(

SupaDupaFly

Dont really know what Im posting for here to be honest. I guess I just need to leave my thoughts out somewhere and here seems to be a good outlet. Been a tough year and am afraid its only gettin tougher. Lost my grandad this time last year and it was a big blow to me. Still cant come to terms with losing him and get very emotional when I think of him. Tonight was his anniversary mass and I guess it just brought alot of Sh*t up for me. I hate the fact that he has passed on and now others around me are starting to do the same.

Last week my uncle passed away also. Im really finding it difficult to handle, He committed suicide and it has left such a gaping hole in the hearts of all my family. It has badly shaken everyone up. Im not even sure what to say about it to be honest. Im afraid that Im numbing myself to cope, and I know thats a seriously bad way of dealing with things.

I have heard of so many people committing suicide and I always think how awful for their families, and the person themselves to be desperate enough to do it. But it never really hits home the devestating effect it has till it comes knocking on your own door. I cant begin to imagine what he's family are feeling. Im just his niece and I feel like sh*te.I cant imagine how awful it is for them to deal with all the questions and all the "What Ifs???"

Death sucks.

Worst thing is its a certainty for all of us.

Kidchameleon

Sayin a prayer for you and family K

SupaDupaFly

Thanks Kidchameleon

SarahSassy

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Sayin a prayer for you and family K

+1

awful sorry for your loss

Firetrap

Sorry to hear about your troubles. Sometimes these things do get in on top of you and you've had a tough week. Look after yourself and make sure not to spend too much time on your own. Tomorrow will be better.

SupaDupaFly

Cheers for the support guys. Just needed to vent. Nice to know someone out there is listening.x

opinion guy

SupaDupaFly wrote: »

...Im not even sure what to say about it to be honest. Im afraid that Im numbing myself to cope, and I know thats a seriously bad way of dealing with things.

Nothing wrong with numbing yourself in the short term. It serves its purpose which is to protect us in a crisis until we can let it in again after the crisis has passed and can deal with it. its only a problem when it becomes long term - so don't let yourself stay numb too long

I have heard of so many people committing suicide and I always think how awful for their families, and the person themselves to be desperate enough to do it. But it never really hits home the devestating effect it has till it comes knocking on your own door. I cant begin to imagine what he's family are feeling. Im just his niece and I feel like sh*te.I cant imagine how awful it is for them to deal with all the questions and all the "What Ifs???"

Unfortunately all this is inevitable. Only thing you can do is be there for people. Hmmm sometimes when people we care about are going thru unbearable things, sometimes all we can do is simply bear witness to what they are going thru and be there for them. That might not seem like much, but actually its something. And you gotta look after yourself too. Surround yourself with good friends. Maybe think about talking to a councillor.

Take care of urself supadupa

SupaDupaFly

Thanks for your positive words opinion guy. My friends have been great, and my partner too. It helps alrite but dont wanna be moaning about it to them all the time either.

What you said made lots of sense. Thank you :-)

supadupa

SupaDupaFly

Just back from a visit to my cousins(whos dad killed himself) to see how she is holding up. I just dont know what to say to her. She's one of my best friends and has always been there for me. Its the first night since it happened that she has opened up to me and talked about her dad.

I wish I knew what to say to her, r what advice to give but I really dont. I dont know if im saying the right thing or making matters worse. Anyone out there who has experienced loss through suicideor been closely affected by it? I cud really use some help to be honest. I just wanna make it better for her but I honestly dont know what i can say or do for her. I know she knows Im here for her, and I have told her if I can help in any way I can but wat else to do....is there anything that helps??

It really is a desperate situation and I cant believe the devastation is suicide leaves behind...If anyone out there reading this has ever thought about it, plz plz plz dont ever think about doing it again. It is the worst thing that can happen a family.

They say time is a healer...I really hope thats true!:(

opinion guy

SupaDupaFly wrote: »

Just back from a visit to my cousins(whos dad killed himself) to see how she is holding up. I just dont know what to say to her. She's one of my best friends and has always been there for me. Its the first night since it happened that she has opened up to me and talked about her dad.

I wish I knew what to say to her, r what advice to give but I really dont. I dont know if im saying the right thing or making matters worse. Anyone out there who has experienced loss through suicideor been closely affected by it? I cud really use some help to be honest. I just wanna make it better for her but I honestly dont know what i can say or do for her. I know she knows Im here for her, and I have told her if I can help in any way I can but wat else to do....is there anything that helps??

It really is a desperate situation and I cant believe the devastation is suicide leaves behind...If anyone out there reading this has ever thought about it, plz plz plz dont ever think about doing it again. It is the worst thing that can happen a family.

They say time is a healer...I really hope thats true!:(

Don't have time right now for detailed answer but - all you can do is listen. don't try and fix it for her. just listen. bear witness to what she is going thru.

opinion guy

hey supadupa how u doing ?

so hmmm. I've twice been affected by suicide of once a friend, once family. its indeed terrible. i've also had my own dark moments thou never quite been in the territory to act upon those kind of thoughs. what i can tell you is this. there is nothing you can say to your cousin that will make her feel better. in fact in many ways you are best not to say too much. she needs to find her own answers. just be with her. listen to everything she says. maybe offer her your reflections but DON'T TELL her how to think or feel about it. there;s a concept called 'holding the space' in some therapies thats might be useful here -> be there, be present for the person, but let them work through their own emotional process and just accept whatever they feel without projecting your own stuff onto them.
Personally I like the concept of 'bearing witness'. i.e. being there to accompany someone thru a dark journey in their time of need without interfering. Be their rock - so to speak. Its not necessarily easy cause you got your own things to deal with too. but sometimes i tihnk its all you can do. it might seem like doing nothing but actually i think it can be really powerful and is sometimes the most you can do.


My thoughts are with you supadupa