What makes a date, a date!

LegacyUser

First of all let me just admit to being hopeless when it comes to this dating malarkey, I'm not even sure how the few relationships i have had actually began.

Anyway, today i sent a text to a long time friend asking her if she wanted to go to see a movie with me tomorrow. She said that she was up for it and its all set for tomorrow evening.

This is the first time in all the time I've known her that we're doing to something like this alone, without our other friends. I know that this doesn't necessarily mean anything but i think i want it to. I feel that in recent weeks we've become closer than ever and am wondering if there is anything between us beyond friendship. I don't know for sure how she feels but i don't think I'm completely clutching at straws here.

Anyway as the title says 'What makes a date, a date?' as opposed to just another day out with a friend

Jesus Juice

I suppose you'll just kind of know on the night!You can feel it if that makes any sense!!

LegacyUser

While it may be a date for you, bear in mind that she may have no idea...

"'What makes a date, a date?' as opposed to just another day out with a friend"?

- In my opinion, both people have to know it is a date. Otherwise it's just one friend hanging out with someone who is waiting for the datey fun to start.

It's a positive step that you asked her out by herself without your other friends and that she said yes. But it's not a date unless it's obvious to both of you it is/or could be. Offer to pay for the cinema tomorrow. That should tell her pretty sharpish you're on a potential date with her...

daisybelle2008

Like the other poster said you will get a 'sense' from the vibe. i.e when you are cosied up on two cinema seats and it feels more intimate than two friends, you could maybe try the old stretch and yawn move and land an arm around her shoulder , but seriously, I think you will be able to read the situation. I would suggest treating it as a date and go for a cosy drink afterwards and if she seems open and recipriocates the gesture then happy days.....don't overthink it too much, easier said then done......

LegacyUser

Ok so we went and had an absolute blast but no real signs of anything more than that.

There was a slight bit of a 'vibe' at the end of the movie & any chance of a good night kiss when i dropped he off was well and truly quashed by a mob of family members outside her house.

Not really sure what to do now but I'm not going to kid myself about it & accept that were more than likely 'just friends'

Nervous Wreck

Tbh, I kinda disagree with some of what people have said... I agree that when there's a 'vibe', you can feel it... BUT. I'm also of the opinion that a strong personality can dictate the mood and, if you want and are capable, you can easily manipulate the atmosphere and gear it towards romance. I'm not saying that this will definitely work btw... But I am saying that I've been in situations more than once that I've managed to turn hanging out with a friend into romance/sex by saying the right things, giving off the right vibes etc.

What I'm saying, and I'm sure a lot of people here will agree, is that whether or not this was a date, you have the power to build on it and build her interest in you. She already likes you as a friend. Just show her the other side and let her decide if it's something she's interested in pursuing. But don't acquiesce before you've started and think "If it was a date, I'd feel a vibe." Create the vibe.

I hope that didn't come out as gibberish. I'm trying to be helpful but it's 4am and I'm very tired... Good luck anyway, sounds like the first date went well. Sort out a round 2 sharpish. A simple text tomorrow saying something along the lines of "I'd a great time last night, we should hang out again soon." should open you up for the next date.... *thumb up*

LegacyUser

Yea i understand what your trying to say there.

We've sent the odd text during the week there, although they mostly revolved around problems she's having with a mutual friend.

I'm going to ask her to meet up for lunch/coffee at the weekend. I dont really have a plan, i'm just going to ask and go from there.

Any advice? Should i have a plan of sorts?

Monkey61

Hmm...since you have done the cinema thing (which could easily be something that friends do) I think you need to step it up a bit from lunch/coffee which is very much a "friend" thing to do. IMO it is the ultimate "now don't get scared and get the wrong idea it's not dinner or drinks and I am only being friendly and non-threatening" gesture.

Now is the time for something fun and more date-like. Also something where you get the chance for more chatting and flirting. I don't know where you are, but if you are in Dublin, try the Zoo or an Open Top Bus tour. Bowling? A picnic and a walk before the weather gets too cold?

If you ask her to do any of those things she will probably quickly get the message that it is a date, without any pressure on her if she doesn't want it to be.

unhappycamper

Sorry OP,

If the feelings were mutual you both would have ended up kissing in the cinema, it didn't happen so either ask her straight or move on.

LegacyUser

I know your probably right unhappycamper, its probably clutches and straws at this stage but I'm having trouble letting this go. It'll probably do me good to accept that its not going to happen so i can move on but to be honest I'm just finished college and am quite confused about life in general at the moment and it seems that she's the only thing keeping me somewhat sane at the moment.

Monkey61

I disagree...somebody has to make the first move. Kisses don't just happen (even though through drunkenness or excessive romanticising people say they do), somebody or both parties have to make the move. If you didn't kiss her, why would you expect her to kiss you?

Just go for it. Either kiss her or ask her out directly.You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

unhappycamper

Magnetism/spark call it what you like, if two people want the same thing they will make it happen.

LegacyUser

I would say don't give up just yet. I was the girl in a very similar situation and it is difficult for something to "just happen" if you've been friends for a long time. In my case I was too shy to make a move and it took several attempts on his part of cinema, dinner etc before something happened but it's worked out great for us and I'm so glad he persevered.