I want to move, he doesn't

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm 28 and I've been living with my bf for over a year. He bought a house before I met him, and I moved into this house. We get on great and living together is going well - we've talked about the future and expect to get married and possibly have kids in the next few years.

There's only one problem - he bought when he was young and single, and he wasn't too fussy about the location, he just wanted his own place. And he got a cheap house (cheap because of the location). The area we're living in is horrible, I don't feel safe walking around at night, and even during the day I've had abuse shouted at me for no reason. I've seen fights break out in the local shop. There are joyriders nearly every night. I feel like its impossible to have a decent quality of life here.

My boyfriend just comes and goes in his car and doesn't particularly mind not having a nice place to go for a walk, or a decent local pub. I often have to get the bus to work and I dread it. And my big concern is if we do have kids, I don't want them growing up here. I really dont want to sound like a snob but its the truth. Also, its quite far from my parents, who are getting quite old and my mum's not well, so I dont want to be too far from them.

Problem is my bf would rather stay there and live comfortably on a low mortgage. Plus he's in negative equity now and it would be difficult to sell even if he wanted to.

I'm miserable there though and I just want to get out. We both have good secure jobs so we'd be able to buy elsewhere.

I know he's put a lot into the house (he's done a lot of work and built on it, when he bought he thought it would be his home for life). Thats why I feel bad, like I'm trying to push him to do something he doesn't want.

Am I being unreasonable wanting to move? Just wondering about other people's opinions I guess, and what you'd do in the situation.

Sorry its so long!

SarahSassy

Well its not a good time to move unless you want to buy a second house... I sympathise with you but in all fairness, you knew what it was like before you moved in.

You could suggest he rents the house and you rent somewhere closer to home but would be curious if you would then be happy or would something else need to be changed.

Why not suck it up for a year or two. Enjoy living together and see what the future holds... Your bf has put a lot of effort into the house so why not let him reap the benefits.

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

Well its not a good time to move unless you want to buy a second house... I sympathise with you but in all fairness, you knew what it was like before you moved in.

You could suggest he rents the house and you rent somewhere closer to home but would be curious if you would then be happy or would something else need to be changed.

Why not suck it up for a year or two. Enjoy living together and see what the future holds... Your bf has put a lot of effort into the house so why not let him reap the benefits.

Thanks for the reply. Just on the point about knowing how it was before I moved in - that is true, but at the time I had said I'd be happy to live there for a couple of years and try out living together, then hopefully sell up and move. He was ok about this at the time, but obviously the housing market collapse hit in the meantime.

Realistically, I know it makes sense to stay for now, I just really dont feel happy there.

SarahSassy

Why dont you try renting it out? Would it make sense for ye both to live closer to your parents for work etc?

iguana

unsettled wrote: »

Plus he's in negative equity now and it would be difficult to sell even if he wanted to.

I'm miserable there though and I just want to get out. We both have good secure jobs so we'd be able to buy elsewhere.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I don't think you'd find it as easy to buy another place as you think you will. Unless you have savings between you to cover the negative equity and further savings to cover the deposit of a new place you are unlikely to get a mortgage together. Also even if he wanted to sell unless he can cover the negative equity with savings or a personal loan he won't be able to sell.

If you have savings for a deposit then you yourself may get a mortgage and buy a place of your own. His negative equity won't affect you unless you have put your name on the mortgage. But now is not a very good time to buy, so stay off the mortgage for his house, so at least you are free. If he is staying put with the hope that prices will rise and lift him out of negative equity he could be a decade (or quite a lot more) waiting for that to happen and should cut his losses now, if he can.

I have a lot of sympathy for you living in an area you don't like. I did it for a while and it was utterly soul destroying. I had no quality of life whatsoever. I hated being home and I also hated leaving the house.

I'm honestly not sure what best to advise you. Is moving necessary for your happiness? If he is unwilling or unable to move will it ultimately lead to the end of your relationship? If so you need to make that clear to him, but be advised that he may choose the house over you, or just not be able to sell. On the other hand if the area is not a deal breaker to your relationship then you will just have to find a way to live with it. Perhaps get a car of your own?

mood

Bringing up children in this type of area will be bad. The chance of them getting in with a bad crowd is highly possible and leaving school early, teen pregancy, drug abuse, etc could very possible play a big part in your life. When the property market picks up I would suggest selling and buy in a better area - you have two wages now not just one.

If you OH doesn't want to do this have you really a future together?

Also she should be concerned about your safety in such an area.

Kidchameleon

Hi Op

Your not being unreasonable, theres nothin worse than living in an area your not happy in.

Wish you both the best