Table Humour?

DAMO72

I was dealing a cash table Last night and this comment was passed that i thought was really funny . Player A after betting the turn heavily and gets player B to fold and say's " I suppose if you hadn't been on your 3rd or 4th stack you probably would have called that " .
Has anyone else any funny comments that they have heard at the table???

CHD

Nope...

Someone else might though...

newbie2

someone once said to me:

Are you a pro?

Wreck

newbie2 wrote: »

someone once said to me:

Are you a pro?

Was that at a poker table or on a street corner?

kebabfest

The flop came down KKK and the dealer muttered "racist"

RichieLawlor

I think this is a wind up, how could Damo possibly deal cards with those sausage fingers of his. It's like a pitchers glove imo:D

GrangeUtd

'not all trappers wear fur hats' i found very funny one night

Icarus152

There was an annoying drunk at our table in a late night tourny in Vegas.He had to be continually reminded by the dealer to put out his ante.I think the conversation went something like this

DEALER: "Are you crime,sir?"

DRUNK: "Huh?"

DEALER: "I said,Are you crime?"

DRUNK: "Eh,no.Why?"

DEALER:" 'Cos crime don't pay"

It's an old Richard Pryor joke but it got a few laughs.

the whole year inn

mate of mine who does look young comes over to the table when some fella starts staring him down.The fella says to my mate "how old are you" mate replys "to old for you,you pedofile" everyone starting laughing ,he had no reply.

J_Mac

Dealer: Jeez dude ur belly has got big!

Player: Well you see I can lose weight, but you are stuck with that stupid head of yours for the rest of your life!

LOL

dannydiamond

DAMO72 wrote: »

Player A after betting the turn heavily and gets player B to fold and say's " I suppose if you hadn't been on your 3rd or 4th stack you probably would have called that " .

Player A sounds like a wan**r.
Players C,D,E,F,G, and H should be well pissed that player A is trying to drive away the player B fish from the table.

philcassidy

dannydiamond wrote: »

Player A sounds like a wan**r.
Players C,D,E,F,G, and H should be well pissed that player A is trying to drive away the player B fish from the table.

i was player a in that scenario and i didnt realsie what i said till it came out, was funny though:D:D

ArmaniJeanss

MGM Vegas $1/$2 cash game - White guy all-in against black guy on turn. Board was two spades, two clubs.
White guy announced top pair and black guy said he had a flush draw.
White guy started shouting 'No black, no more black, please no more black' then got all embarassed and started over apologising, whole table got embarassed at the situation. Top pair held.

strewelpeter

In the Fitz one night player A raises and player B moves all in. Player A asks how much and B says 'All you can eat' but A had just had a double up in the previous pot and he now covered.
Sideshow Bob was at the table and immediately looks over at player B and says 'Your eyes were bigger than your belly'

dannydiamond

philcassidy wrote: »

i was player a in that scenario and i didnt realsie what i said till it came out, was funny though:D:D

That's fair enough,it did sound a little harsh if completely intentional.:)

The Al Lad

Dealer once wouldn't deal to a player cos he had RED HAIR...

"I'm not dealing to you you dirty GINGER COONT"

I felt sorry for the ginger for being born with such a horrible disease

Mellor

I still think this gem from the jackpot is the best,

Action is heads up on the turn, there's footbal highlights on in the background (Arsenal game is on). Player B (button) ask's the table who scored the last goal.
Player A responds, Reyez.
Player B announces Re-reyez all-in

Gholimoli

was in the S.E good while ago.
Alex from SE at the time had a shaved head and and a very long ginger beard.he looked really doggy but in a white way.

i said to him "Alex make sure you dont go on a sun holiday man,cuz if you get a tann you could easily be mistaken with a member of Taliban...".

Whyno

In our local game its fairly customary for the fish to slow play there big hands and let the agressors bet it out for them. On one particular night an elderly mate of mine and a right funny fcuker was gettin fed up of being check raised all the time. It was checked to him in a raised pot and he was on the button and blurted this gem out
"Let them lazy hens scratch for themselves".

bantee

Funny one from Cork this weekend. An Italian guy was sitting next to me and he seemed fairly new to the game.
About 10 minutes in, he slighty lifted his ar5e from the chair and asked the dealer "Is it ok if I stand up?". To which he got a sarcy reply from one of the lads "No you have to sit down in that seat for the whole day".
What made it funny was the poor chap actually sat straight back down when he heard this.

Cue laughter at the table obv, until the dealer said its grand to work away once he wasn't in the hand.
He then got up and went through a stretching routine behind his chair.

max_power

Jackpot Dave referring to the 100euro chip as a 'black bastard' when there was a black guy at the table was very funny. Maybe someone can clarify the actual story cause it's hilarious and my memory's terrible.

TommyGunne

max_power wrote: »

Jackpot Dave referring to the 100euro chip as a 'black bastard' when there was a black guy at the table was very funny. Maybe someone can clarify the actual story cause it's hilarious and my memory's terrible.

One of the funniest moments of my life.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=58732032&postcount=23

TommyGunne

TommyGunne wrote: »

One of the funniest moments of my life.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=58732032&postcount=23

They were the same night cause I was there for the first one with little Mick but was in Eddie Rockets getting food during the 2nd one. I came back in about 10 mins after the black guy (big Ray as it happens) stormed out. Sick I missed it. Good night though.

fatguy

Napoleon's in Sheffield has a ton of chinese players and, as they do, they like to chatter a lot. The rule is that they must speak English when the cards are out. One Saturday night about 4am the dealer got so tired of trying to enforce this that he declared a rule change: Chinese only when the cards are out!

So I produced my only phrase of Chinese, "Ni Hao Ma", to great applause from them, which eventually devolved into all the other players at the table producing their most theatrically racist, over the top Chinese impressions, including slanty eyes, all to great cheers and laughs from the Chinese players.