i Need help

scaredandlonley

Ok, first of all i am not trying to get my ex back or get a quick fix i just want help with facing reality. I had noticed my ex from the moment i saw him and had a crush immediately. this was THREE years before we really started talking. Anywho, as soon as we started dating i fell and he said he did too. However he dumped me and it hurt like hell. I thought it would get better but it is just getting worse. recognize i am not wallowing or anything i am really really trying to move on, i even went on a date but it felt all wrong. I realize that while he may be the love of my life, i am just not his and i except that. It's just i am trying really hard to let him go and move on and it is just not working. I just moved to a new place and i am all alone and i am scared. I am scared i will be alone for the rest of my life because i am in love with a man who doesn't love me back. I always thought i could survive everything because believe me, my trust in mankind has been shot before but i feel like i may not be able to fix this. I have stopped talking to him and told him i am sorry i had a hard time accepting the new boundries (because i had been telling him when i was extra upset that i missed him) Is there anymore steps i can take?

SarahSassy

OP, what first struck me was your utter conviction that you wont feel better, wont love again and that he was the only guy for you... This is not the case but you need to apply your strength of will for your good not detriment.

Try putting the same level of effort into thinking and believing you will get over him (soon), meet someone else and be happy and see how life turns around.. You cannot get him back so that cannot be a solution for you, you dont want to live the life you have now - single so the only thing you can change is the way you react to the situation. Instead of believing the negative why not believe the positive is possible and go from there.

The reason I can say this to you is because i was in a similar place once. I believed I would never meet someone and guess what - I didnt! When I changed my attitude and beliefs then I met someone who I firmly believe is the man for me. You cant change your ex and can only change yourself so its time to choose - a life of misery and self pity or a life of action and future loves...

Sineadg

I know exactly how you feel and I used to wake up with a pain in the pit of my stomach because this guy that I thought was just perfect for me had dumped me and I couldn't understand it. I think it's really good that you have stopped talking to him. I had to do that as well because it happened a few times that after a few drinks we ended up together again and that was just pure torture. Only you can decide you want to move on and you seem to have done that, in your head at least so well done! It does take a bit of time because we dont always relate fully with people we date casually, and then you feel a bit empty inside, but I think other relationships are what heal the wounds eventually, and I don't necessarily mean of a physical or sexual nature, but just making close connections with other people, like friends, family and of course other men. What is meant for you will NEVER pass u by. Mind yourself!

LegacyUser

OP I completely sympathise. I'm a guy but find myself in a similar situation.

I kind of don't really have any answers for you. But sarah's response is prompting me to reply. Sarah OP did not say she could not meet someone else, indeed she has already tried a date. what i think op is saying is that she will be alone because she feels she won't get over her ex. and that is exactly what i can empathise with. With my situation, the person i ahve now lost and the way in which it happened, i know i will never be the same person again. i don't doubt that i could meet nice people and people might fall for me, but i know that deep inside i will always love this other person. and from my perspective, whilst i don't want a single life, its something i have been very seriously considering since i lost this person. i simply can't take losing anyone again. This person was everything i'd always wanted and i lost her. and like the op on her date - it feels wrong to try with anyone else. i'm not going to pretend for the rest of my life and i don't like one night stands so that leaves me with old fashioned bachelorhood and being good at my job. despite what some people seem to think - we are not capable of bouncing back from anything. this is one of those things that always leaves its mark. not everyone does meet someone and live happily ever after.

sorry OP i'm probably not helping you - but well i guess you now know you are not the only one feeling this way. if you are anything like me - well lets say i'm not talkign about this to people that way i normally would - it just seems pointless since i know they won't get it. people think i am ok but they don't see that i've just .... diminished from the whole thing

SarahSassy

scaredandlonley wrote: »

I realize that while he may be the love of my life

scaredandlonley wrote: »

I am scared i will be alone for the rest of my life because i am in love with a man who doesn't love me back.

scaredandlonley wrote: »

I feel like i may not be able to fix this.

also lonely wrote: »

Sarah OP did not say she could not meet someone else, indeed she has already tried a date. what i think op is saying is that she will be alone because she feels she won't get over her ex.

All of the above is indicating to me that she feels she cannot meet someone else for whatever reason.