Swine Flu is the new Measles?

Liber8or

It just occurred to me that Swine Flu is going to hit this country hard this winter. We have terrible medical support and can barely organise a piss up in a pub, never mind control a national health scare. At the moment Swine Flu is dormant in society, it hasn't fully erupted just yet but it is lying there in the background, waiting patiently for the opportune moment.

So, what can we do about it? How can you, as an individual prepare for the influenza onslaught? Well, I have a positive resolution! Do, what you do for kids with measles; go and catch it! It's quite simple! The sooner you get it in and out of your system the better chance you have. If this country hits epidemic proportions then you can kiss your chance goodbye of getting into one of our overcrowded and malnurished hospitals or asking a GP for help.

Therefore, as a natural method for controlling this disease, get it now while you can. Just think of the possibilities!

- If you see someone on the street sneezing, ask if they would gladly sneeze in your face.
- If you see a dirty tissue on the ground, simply unfold it and use it to wipe your hands.
- Instead of going to the pub, hang out in hospital wards with a couple of friends and a six pack of Bavaria.

Furthermore, you can turn it into an investment. You can start selling your Swine Flu to those who want to get it out of the way now, before the real chaos starts. Plenty of eager citizens will come begging to you for some saliva and what not.

At the end of day, you have a better chance of surviving it right now, than in 3 months time. So, when all those poor ****ers are dying, you can be relaxing at home or in work ( you will be getting paid more since nobody else can do the job because they are sick - possible recession buster?? ) laughing at them whilst knowing your immune system has been tried and tested!

Kiera

Sounds like a plan to me. I'll use any reason to kiss 100 guys in one night

"but you HAVE to give me a wear, i need pig flu"

MikeC101

Liber8or wrote: »

At the end of day, you have a better chance of surviving it right now, than in 3 months time.

How come? I'd accept there seems to be higher incidences of flu in winter rather than summer, for instance, but is it actually more dangerous in winter? Why would that be?

I've seen the idea that our immune systems are "weaker" in winter, but as far as I know there's little or no evidence for this theory?

Whosbetter?

Kiera wrote: »

"but you HAVE to give me a wear, i need pig flu"

Be sure to use Oinkment afterwards.:D

Coriolanus

Could combine this idea with a boozie boardsie session. Do we have any confirmed cases that we can drag along to the pub? :pac:

@Mike: It's well known that the swine flu is going to combine with dormant strains of Avian Flu and transform into the "Zoomorphic Oesophagal Macrobiotically Boosting Idiopathic Endemic" Flu. When this happens, as evidenced by the works of Romero, G and Boyle, D in their various published works of the 80s and 90s and 00s, we're all fúcked.

Papillon!

think i have it now so maybe it'll contaminate you via cyberspace!

its so rotten that you can get it more than once as well. here's me thinking i could go get it over with once and for all:o

jumpguy

Liber8or wrote: »

It just occurred to me that Swine Flu is going to hit this country hard this winter. We have terrible medical support and can barely organise a piss up in a pub, never mind control a national health scare.

But aren't we nationally famous for that?

Corkfeen

Nevore wrote: »

Could combine this idea with a boozie boardsie session. Do we have any confirmed cases that we can drag along to the pub? :pac:

@Mike: It's well known that the swine flu is going to combine with dormant strains of Avian Flu and transform into the "Zoomorphic Oesophagal Macrobiotically Boosting Idiopathic Endemic" Flu. When this happens, as evidenced by the works of Romero, G and Boyle, D in their various published works of the 80s and 90s and 00s, we're all fúcked.

Thank you for bring this information to my attention.. I'm currently creating a weapon which will destroy "Zoomorphic Oesophagal Macrobiotically Boosting Idiopathic Endemic". Its a flamethrower, can't guarantee the safety of the carrier.:D It will also destroy swine flu if any members are interested.

MikeC101

Nevore wrote: »

@Mike: It's well known that the swine flu is going to combine with dormant strains of Avian Flu and transform into the "Zoomorphic Oesophagal Macrobiotically Boosting Idiopathic Endemic" Flu. When this happens, as evidenced by the works of Romero, G and Boyle, D in their various published works of the 80s and 90s and 00s, we're all fúcked.

Holy crap! There's so many big words that probably mean scary things there it must be true! :eek:

rainbowtrout

Liber8or wrote: »

- Instead of going to the pub, hang out in hospital wards with a couple of friends and a six pack of Bavaria.

Unfortunately, this would probably be counter productive, the Bavaria would probably kill off any infection you managed to pick up.

I usually lash a load of Bulmers into me when I get a flu and I'm sound a day or two later :pac:

Bulmers = cure for flu virus!

Coriolanus

MikeC101 wrote: »

Holy crap! There's so many big words that probably mean scary things there it must be true! :eek:

It is indeed very very true! The danger from a "Zoomorphic Oesophagal Macrobiotically Boosting Idiopathic Endemic" is ever present and well documented.

@Corkfeen: I always found flamethrowers a little too ... messy. Precision weapon and an elevated viewpoint is more my style.

Earthhorse

Liber8or wrote: »

- If you see someone on the street sneezing, ask if they would gladly sneeze in your face.
- If you see a dirty tissue on the ground, simply unfold it and use it to wipe your hands.
- Instead of going to the pub, hang out in hospital wards with a couple of friends and a six pack of Bavaria.

Done, done and done.

Piste

Liber8or wrote: »

So, what can we do about it? How can you, as an individual prepare for the influenza onslaught? Well, I have a positive resolution! Do, what you do for kids with measles;

You mean vaccinate them? :pac:



Also it'd be crap to intentionally catch it now, only to catch it again in two months' time!

Mrmoe

Kiera wrote: »

Sounds like a plan to me. I'll use any reason to kiss 100 guys in one night

"but you HAVE to give me a wear, i need pig flu"

Don't worry your search is over, I'm in recovery mode so I am ripe for transmission, PM me your number and you will have my viral loaded fluids in side you in a jiffy.;)

thomond2006

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I usually lash a load of Bulmers into me when I get a flu and I'm sound a day or two later :pac:

Bulmers = cure for flu virus!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw9oX-kZ_9k

Reindeer

It is not the new Measles - it is the new H1N1:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1918_flu_pandemic

The 1918 flu pandemic (commonly referred to as the Spanish Flu) was an influenza pandemic that spread to nearly every part of the world. It was caused by an unusually virulent and deadly influenza A virus strain of subtype H1N1.

nDakota

i kissed a girl on saturday and it turns out today she has swine flu... am i screwed like??

4zn76tysfajdxp

nDakota wrote: »

i kissed a girl on saturday and it turns out today she has swine flu... am i screwed like??

No, you only kissed her after all.

artanevilla

Chicken Pox not measles you mean surely?

Seaneh

Swine flu is not a worry for me.
I'm vaccinated, hurray for being "high risk".

Keogg

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Unfortunately, this would probably be counter productive, the Bavaria would probably kill off any infection you managed to pick up.

I usually lash a load of Bulmers into me when I get a flu and I'm sound a day or two later :pac:

Bulmers = cure for flu virus!

I hope you're not talking about bulmers pear....

mikom

The secret to avoiding this Swine Flu is to stay away from areas where large numbers of people gather........ like Paris Hilton's vagina.

Capt'n Midnight

Liber8or wrote: »

So, what can we do about it? How can you, as an individual prepare for the influenza onslaught? Well, I have a positive resolution! Do, what you do for kids with measles; go and catch it! It's quite simple! The sooner you get it in and out of your system the better chance you have. If this country hits epidemic proportions then you can kiss your chance goodbye of getting into one of our overcrowded and malnurished hospitals or asking a GP for help.

People DIE from measles and mumps, sadly in this country there have been a few totally needless deaths caused by panic because a researcher who falsified results for financial gain got a lot of media exposure.

Roughly 1/3 of us will catch this flu this year.

It is less lethal than normal flu !

The main dfference between this and normal flu is the hysteria and that more of us will catch it because we aren't immume yet.