Am I being an idiot for this guy??

kk77

I'm seeing this guy for nearly a year and a half now and we get on very well together most of the time. However, when he goes out with his friends I am never invited. I have no problem with him meeting up with the lads and having a good time,I trust him but,I am bothered that I never get to go . I am not clingy/needy/unreasonable. I have so far met just one person he is friend's with and that was accidental. He is eight years younger than me-he's 24 and I'm 32-Everyone is surprised by this as I am young looking and the age difference thing is generally not an issue. However, he has gone to three 21sts in the last while and that has made me feel 100! I know he's 24 and therefore has every right to be going to things like that and I don't mind but, as I said I never get invited. He was very insistent about me meeting his mother however, which I did and it was fine. He has met a good few of my friends and I am involved in a few societies to which I have invited him to several events. I am an intelligent person and I've been told very good looking-not being vain or annoying ok- by guys and girls I'm friends with, who think I need to wake up. This guy does love me, I feel, but I don't understand why he does this. He is always giving me PDA's and says that he talks about me alot to his friends and says that he wants me to meet his friends.


Any advice? All thoughts appreciated,thanks!

plumlover

You are not being unreasonable, I think you need to let him know that this is becoming an issue for you. It is a positive sign that he introduced you to his family though. Just sit him down and talk to him about it, I'm sure it can all be ironed out easily that way. Good luck!

Chucky the tree

Have you told him you want to go? I'd say he probably thinks the last place you want to be is at a 21st surrounded by people 10 years younger then you so he doesn't invite so you don't feel as if you're forced to go.

kk77

Hello chucky the tree, yes,I've told him that I'd like to go.. As for age we met at a party and he thought I was the same age as him...I'm a primary teacher,when I first started at age 20 I had sixth class,the school photographer came out at the end of the yea and thought I was one of the kids-they were in casual clothes for the photo-that was cringe.....I still get stopped for ID on occasion, I used to hate looking young but,now I'm beginning to enjoy it..alot:)

Chucky the tree

kk77 wrote: »

Hello chucky the tree, yes,I've told him that I'd like to go.. As for age we met at a party and he thought I was the same age as him...I'm a primary teacher,when I first started at age 20 I had sixth class,the school photographer came out at the end of the yea and thought I was one of the kids-they were in casual clothes for the photo-that was cringe.....I still get stopped for ID on occasion, I used to hate looking young but,now I'm beginning to enjoy it..alot:)

What does he say when you say you want to go? If he just point blank tells you no then I'd have words with him about it.

LegacyUser

kk77 wrote: »

Hello chucky the tree, yes,I've told him that I'd like to go.. As for age we met at a party and he thought I was the same age as him...I'm a primary teacher,when I first started at age 20 I had sixth class,the school photographer came out at the end of the yea and thought I was one of the kids-they were in casual clothes for the photo-that was cringe.....I still get stopped for ID on occasion, I used to hate looking young but,now I'm beginning to enjoy it..alot:)

When I was 24 the lads always went out together, the girlfriends very rarely came along, out drinking and messing, so they didn't want girlfriends present.

Maybe he only goes out with the lads and no girlfriends that's how young guys behave.

Plus 24 vs 32, you'll be thinking about kids marriage at your age and he's just staring to enjoy being an adult, you should have a talk about that.

minidazzler

There is an unspoken rule in my group of friends that unless it's an occasion, or in one particular friends house(He lives with his GF) That No GF's come out.

21st's are occasions IMO, so you should be invited to one or 2 at least.

LegacyUser

well it's funny reading your post, in a way, cos i feel its my story too!

Went out with a guy 11 years younger than me, he was 22 when we started to have fun and slowly felt madly in love with eachother....did not see it coming!!!
anyway, the only thing I can advise you is to be prepare that this might not last, i hate to say this and really don't want to bring your beautiful relationship down but unfortunately, and especially in this country where peopel are close minded (i mean in general not everyone comparse to other country) the "what peopel think" does affect a relationship, not always of course but at 24 he is still vulnerable to what is or could be said...when around his friends!

A brief rund down of wine to show you how it can turn out, my relationship was very very very similar to yours, i never asked him for anything, he wanted to go out with lads, no probs, do his things one night, no probs....we lovedeach other and never felt the need to force him to do anything with me or go anywhere, i always offered sure and he woudl come with me and my friends etc..suddendly he introduced me to his mom, dad and realtives...all loved me, his friends and we all had a blast...i was not going out all the time with him and his mates but on occasion cos as a previous poster said, guys that age go out on "lads" group where girls are not "aloud" per se.

thing is, most of his friends who had gfs were in drama ones, always complaining bout their gfs being needy and over texting etc...checking where they were etc... and my bf, well, we had it great he and i, we never honestly argued, never, we laways had a blast and actually laughed at all the ones who had drama ....thing is you have to realized is envy triggers jealousy at that age....and slowly but surely his mates started to slag him for being with someone older than him....i know it didnt affect him at first, but with time it did started to bother him.....also, his mom started to get concern about that too, not sure exactly what was said but for sure the idea of me wanting kids sooner than he would want etc....(which i havent even think of to be honest!) but anyway, the outside is what is threatening....i thought my bf, now ex, was strong enough to handle the pressure and constant slagging even in a joking way you know peopel are just jealous when you are happy!
maybe its not enough love that made the break, maybe not, everyone kept saying that even with all the love that age gap you are in 2 different stages in life, he ended it after long and painful thinking, to this day, over 9 months now he still madly loves me and so do i but theres things you can change and age of one of those...im sure we will move on eventually, we have stopped contact since 2 months now as it was getting too hard not to be with each other and im still recovering...

my advice is to be aware of this, maybe your story will be a happy one, not ending just lasting happy but now with my experience i can say that he takes a strong guy to block out what "people say or think" some dont care but some will care....I always told my bf to forget bout what they say and that with time they will get tired of it and get use to see us together but the opinion of others won it over. there was not one day that pass he wouldnt call me saying he loved me so much it hurted him so bad not to be with me...but in the end he just couldnt handle it.

Also, have you discussed travelling, i know it was an issue for my bf, oops, ex! it wasnt for me as i alread ydid travel but for him thats something he wants to do, he wants to see the world and i would not have been able to tide him down, you know what they say," if you love him let them go".....thats what i did....

Anyway, maybe at this stage in your relationship you should have a little chat and see where you both stands in relation to near plans for each other, i know what ex did and for a while our plans were the same, for christ sake he even wanted to marry me if it wasnt for time....

I wish you the best, like i said my relationship was jsut like yours, i still get hit on by 24 years old guys all the time but now im cautious, cant have my heart broken twice.

You're not alone!!!!!!!!!!!!

best to you.