Want to learn how to accept my height

LegacyUser

Hi I'm a 29 year old guy and 5'4". I hate my height and find it hard to be happy with who I am because of it. It's not the only thing I'm unhappy with in my life, but I feel that alot of other problems stem from the fact that I'm small, or at least that's what my head believes.

I constantly feel inadequate beacuse of it, even doing something as mundane as walking down the street I feel like people are staring and judging or mocking me beacuse of it. But it could be any situation, drinking in a pub, walking around a shop, any sort of social function etc

One of the big things that it affects is my confidence, especially with regards to interacting with other people. I've never had much success with girls, just don't see why they'd be interested in me, and even talking to other guys I feel somehow inferior and sometimes intimidated. I am aware that alot of this is down to my own lack of conversation skills to a large degree, because I am fairly shy, but I feel my perception of myself due to my height is a key factor in my shyness and lack of confidence.

It's not helped when you get people commenting, sometimes jokingly but still gets to me, on how small you are (as if I didn't know), or even in some cases calling me a midget, and it's nearly always on my mind in social situations.

I just feel that my life would have turned out very differently if I had been even a bit taller, as I think my lack of confidence and self belief is generally because of my height. I think I would be much happier being even 5'6"+, it just seems a much more normal height for a guy, and not something most folk would even comment on then.

Not sure where I'm going with this tbh. I know it's the way I am and I have to learn to accept it beacuse it isn't going to change (unless I shrink in old age :eek:).

Just wondering really how other guys of my height accept it and deal with it, and any ladies opinions on dating a guy my size. I want to change my mindset about my height and to be happy with who I am, but I don't know how.

Thanks for any advice

LegacyUser

I'm not going to patronise you here, 5'4 is short and it is a disadvantage in many ways.

However, having travelled alot, I can tell you for a fact that most men in the world are probably 5'4 or not much taller, and a huge number of them are shorter, you just have the bad luck to be born in a 'tall country'.

However, I'm a woman of 5'3 and have dated men of 5'4.

They have either been EXTREMELY athletically fit, or EXTREMELY funny. I also know a man significantly shorter than you (or me) who is babe-magnet by virtue of his silent sexy demeanour... and the fact that he never gets out of his chair until he knows a girl well!

Notice how movie actors are short - thats because a short man acheves the V shape in the torso much easier than a tall man.

So here are your options: get fit; get a great personality; whatever you do, don't act like you have a disadvantage, tell yourself you're the sexiest man in the room; and if all else fails get yourself over to Asian where the girls are about five foot tall, adore white guys (the truth!) and are arguably the most beautiful creatures in the world.

And remember - Bono wears heels!

wexford202

I am a girl 5 foot 2 and my other half is 6 foot 3. We look kinda strange beside each other but it doesn't bother either of us.

I have dated guys that were your height before and as a reason for not being interested in someone to be honest you height wouldn't come into it.

I am more of a nice smile first and foremost, eyes also catch my attention.

The tall guys usally get all stooped over when they get older and get bone problems. You will probably still be hot at 50. Then you will start turning heads and all your middled aged mates will be raging.;)

LegacyUser

Hi,

I just wanted to let you know that as a girl I really don`t think that height is something that I take into account when I`m attracted to somebody. I`m about 5`7 and last year I dated a man who was about 5`5, although we never really dicussed our heights because it simply wasn`t an issue. I really fancied him and I think we had a really nice relationship while it lasted!

I think the key is not to focus on your height and never make it a topic of conversation or if someone else does don`t be drawn into it! Everybody is sensitive about something, for ages I was really paranoid about the skin on my chest and back, I suffer from quite bad acne. But eventually I realised that if I at least appear supremely unbothered by it guys I`ve been with don`t bat an eyelid! And if one ever does in the future I`ll just laugh at him and know I had a very lucky escape!

Really, most people, especially girls imho, are more worried about what YOU think of THEIR appearance:) Next time you start to worry about what someone is thinking or even saying about you just think of that.

MLE

Sorry you feel that way op. I'm girl, 5 ft 3 and I've always been more attracted to shorter guys. My Husband is 5ft 6in which is plenty tall enough for me.

Everyone has something about them that they don't like and that they can't change, which I know is hard, and you seem to have low self confidence at the moment because of this.

I know its seems so obvious and yet hard to do, but you need to not give time and energy to be thinking in a negative way about your height or any feature that you don't like, as the more you think negatively the lower your confidence will be.

Try to think of your good traits and think about them a lot, say positive affirmations in your head about this. For eg, if you have a nice smile, say in your head regularly " Thank you for my nice smile" or " Thank you so much that people always notice my lovely smile". The more you do this the easier it will get, the more you will believe it and the more you will believe in yourself.

I'm sure your a lovely guy, and I wish you well in gaining the confidence you need to become a happier person.

cruizer101

OP i'm in the same stuation as you, male 5'4" i'm a couple of years younger.

I too suffer from lack of self-confidence, and although I don't think about my height that much, I am sure that it does account for a certain ammount of my aniexity.

Sadly it it true that girls will find taller men more attractive and while it is annoying there is nothing that can be done. A lot of what you say sounds familiar, being intimidated in social situations feeling inferior.

The only advice I can give you is to try and accept it, there is nothing that can be done about your height. Other aspects you can work on suck as good body and confidence. Although I do realise the difficultly in onproving confidence I am struggling with it myself.

But really until you can accept your height and that there is nothing you can do about it, working on otherstuff mmite be pointless.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, they help alot towards trying to see things more positively.

I am actually in good shape, even though I rarely exercise, as I have a high metabolism, so I can eat whatever without putting on weight, and have always been lean with that V shape torso so things could be worse.

Another plus point (sort of!) is that I look young, so although it's been hassle, and needed ID everywhere for years, I'm hoping I'll still look youthful as I age.

It's good to see that some women don't make height a priority anyway, gives me hope

Probably a big problem I have is that I am far too self-conscious for my own good, am self critical in what I say or do, and care about what other people think of me too much.

I am an expert at thinking negatively about myself so that is something I need to change alright, although it is hard to think of my good traits when I'm not happy with myself.

LegacyUser

Hi cruizer101

Yea I agree, accepting it is the only way but it is hard. Even not having it so much in my thoughts would be a start.

I dunno, since I've gotten older, my confidence seems to just continue going downhill. Ironically I actually accepted my height more when I was younger, in school etc - I would have thought it gets easier as you get older.

rs

No-one is perfect, I guess you just have to deal with your imperfections. So, I'm fairly tall (6'0) so realistically I can't really understand what's it's like not to be tall. I'm certainly deficient in many other areas to make up for it though.

I've never judged anyone because of their height, because it's not something I think about. Certainly the idea you have of people mocking you is way off. Most people really, really don't care about your height. I've never seen it hold back a career or anything like that.

Funnily enough, I think people look for what they perceive as their own faults in others. A bald person will look at you hairline, not your height. An overweight person will look at your waistline, not your height. A person with bad teeth will look at yours, not your height. You'll find most people are much more concerned with their own imperfections to take any notice of yours.

But that said, it's going to be a slight disadvantage with women, because many women will not data a man who is shorter than them. At the same time, a very significant percentage of women are below 5'4. And it didn't stop Nicole Kidman, did it? Confidence it much more important than anything else really.

Realistically, your own feelings about your height are what is really holding you back. Very few people will judge you based on it.

As people have said, being in good shape will help boost your confidence and make you more physically attractive.

Being rich and or famous will also help a lot

scanlas

You could get an operation to give you an extra couple of inches.

username123

rs wrote: »

Confidence it much more important than anything else really.

+1

The sexiest thing about anyone is confidence.

On a practical note for the OP, you can improve the appearance of your height, wear footwear with lifts or thick soles like New Rocks and develop a hairstyle that adds a bit of height. Its not gonna change who you are but it might change how you feel about yourself.
Groom yourself to within an inch of your life and start feeling good about yourself!

From personal experience Ive never cared about a guys height, for me it was always more about how alpha they were, which is really just about the confidence.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

+1

for me it was always more about how alpha they were, which is really just about the confidence.

And talking about being 'alpha', think of it this way: the Sicilian mafia, average height probably 5'4 - 5'6... thai kick boxers - practically midgets.

Its all about confidence.

Xiney

scanlas wrote: »

You could get an operation to give you an extra couple of inches.

The procedure you are referring to is not a simple operation.

It is a months/years long process of constantly fracturing the bone, setting it slightly farther apart, over and over and over again.

It is debilitating and hugely painful and the risk of complications means that it is not performed by reputable doctors and the OP would have to visit another country to have it done.


OP, 5'4 isn't too bad in the grand scheme of things. If you're funny, confident, intelligent and otherwise good looking, you've got a lot going for you. A lot more than most

It's like I would normally have been attracted to dark haired men but I ended up with a light brown haired guy. When you find the ONE, chances are it has very little to do with how they look.

Larianne

I'm tall for a girl, around 5'9 and to be honest I wouldn't date a guy smaller than me. I kissed a guy once who was a good bit smaller than me and it just felt weird. But that's me and my problem.

Xiney wrote: »

OP, 5'4 isn't too bad in the grand scheme of things. If you're funny, confident, intelligent and otherwise good looking, you've got a lot going for you. A lot more than most

Yep, as Xiney says if you show the above qualities you'll be grand. I've a friend who would be about your height and he's a mega hit with the ladies because he's all those qualities. You just need to work on the confidence part.

LegacyUser

Yea I need to gain in confidence and that would definitely help me in coming to terms with being short. I'm not bad looking, and can be funny at times, but I just don't have the confidence that I need for making the most out of life. I think short guys need confidence more as I'd imagine it comes more naturally when you're taller.

Although I do look a bit mafioso in a suit alright :pac:

Xiney

Nothing sexier than a guy in a suit

Darthhoob

i am only 5ft2 (and a half!!!) :pac: and i've dated men all shapes and sizes. the 'hardest' guy to date was 6ft3 as it was a bit awkward to kiss when we were both standing lol, plus i could see right up his nose all the time, which can put you off a little lol.

honestly though, alot of women worth worrying about wont give a damn what height you are...long as you are a nice guy. you need to learn to accept your height, cos it aint gunna change. although people make little jokes of your height i doubt they do this with any malice? tbh i doubt many people would even focus on your height anymore than you do, as someone else said people tend to focus on things they hate about themselves....and EVERYONE has something they hate about themselves....for you it is height.

you can stand tall and proud...even at 5ft4

LegacyUser

Hey there,

I'm in a similar situation to you as far as height goes - 5'5" on a good day.

I concur with whats gone before - 99% of the problem is in your head and 99% of girls are far more concerned about how they come off to you. The trick is getting over it (and just accepting that girls over 5'7" are going to be unattainable). Walk like you're hot sh*t, talk like you're hot sh*t and dress like you're, well, hot sh*t. Smile at people; it's disarming. Focus on your communication skills (I think alot of short guys start off by blaming height when in fact they can't hold a conversation with a girl purely because they haven't learned to).

Learn to accept rejection just like every other guy. It gets easier.

My two cents.