How to react when I see him again?

LegacyUser

Basically I came out of a long term relationship in may 08. It was a very painful, very bitter split. Children and property involved along with finding out my ex had cheated on me. I was in bits.
Rather silly I guess, but a month later, just to get it over with, I slept with a guy I met through friends.
It was only ever to be a one night stand but he pursued it (calling, texting, asking to meet). It never developed into a commited relationship as we were both holding back. Me, because my separation was so recent. Him because he was emigrating to Oz.

This went on for a few months, until he left for Oz at Christmas. We spent one last night together, watching tv and cuddling. I knew I had feelings for him but said nothing as I knew he was going so didn't see the point.

Anyway, he went and continued to text and email me on a regular basis. Very regular. Like, every day.

After a few months I sensed something in his texts had changed. He was less flirty, they were less intimate.
I asked had he met someone and he said he was "back kissing the girl he used to kiss".
What it actually was (and I discovered from mutual friends) was that he was back with his ex.
I asked him not to contact me anymore but he'd send the odd text after a few days or an email.
I just kept reiterating that he shouldn't be contacting me when he was with someone else. He kept saying "I thought we were friends".

Eventually he stopped contacting me though we had a chat on my birthday when he called to wish me happy birthday. Avoided any questions about his girlfriend though other than to imply it wasn't serious.

Anyway (getting to the point!) he is coming back this weekend for a few weeks. With her. I feel sick at the thought that its so serious between them and while I know I amn't going to do anything stupid/say anything etc and I know it's a case of "get over him", I am dreading bumping into him and her (small town so pretty inevitable).

Do I ignore or just give a wave across the pub? No intention of going and speaking to him. All his friends know I was with him for months and I'd be mortified.

Sorry for the long post. Just needed to off load.

SarahSassy

thankcrunchie wrote: »

give a wave across the pub? No intention of going and speaking to him. All his friends know I was with him for months and I'd be mortified.
.

If this is what you can manage to do then do only that. Do what you are comfortable with... I personally would avoid that pub when he is home.

Colonel_McCoy

SarahSassy wrote: »

If this is what you can manage to do then do only that. Do what you are comfortable with... I personally would avoid that pub when he is home.

Do your best to avoid him, but if you see him just give him a polite hello and leave it at that.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys.
Am going to try and avoid him.
Alas my best friends 30th birthday is on in the local so I have to go there at least once! Typical. I can't avoid so am hoping he will on that night.

Wave and walk. Thats my reaction. Am just hoping he doesn't come over for a chat to find me still single while he's all loved up and happy out wanting to be "friends".

What are the chances I'll meet the man of my dreams within 2 weeks? Hmmmm. Unlikely! )

SarahSassy

thankcrunchie wrote: »

What are the chances I'll meet the man of my dreams within 2 weeks? Hmmmm. Unlikely! )

You dont have anything to prove to him.... The best thing you can do is look fab and stick a huge smile on your face for the entire night. Dont keep looking over at him, drink very little and just appear to have fun whether or not you do... Leave before the end of the night and it will leave you a bit mysterious... You will be fine. Just have confidence and it will shine through

How Strange

SarahSassy wrote: »

You dont have anything to prove to him.... The best thing you can do is look fab and stick a huge smile on your face for the entire night. Dont keep looking over at him, drink very little and just appear to have fun whether or not you do... Leave before the end of the night and it will leave you a bit mysterious... You will be fine. Just have confidence and it will shine through

OP, I agree with this advice.
Look your best, don't get drunk and keep any greetings short and sweet. Don't get into any in dept conversations with him. IMO, this is always the best way to act in this situation. You're not friends, you're two people who had a brief relationship in the past. Don't let it ruin your night out either.

CDfm

You are very sensitive. It was a one night stand with potential to develop but which didn't and him in Oz and you in Ireland with your kids and destined to stay there. Is this how you intend to react whenever you have a fling.

Go to the party and if you do meet him greet him like you would any ex boyfriend from years back who shows up with a girlfriend. If you are uncomfortable make your excuses and leave. However, if its an occasion it might be your lucky night to go on the pull.

LegacyUser

Tell him how you really feel. You never know he might still feel the same way about you. Sounds like you were never that honest with him about how you really felt which is prob why he got back with his ex. If you still have feelings for him then you should go for it. Might be the last chance you get

SarahSassy

thankcrunchie wrote: »

This went on for a few months, until he left for Oz at Christmas.

It wasnt a one night stand....

OP do not tell him how you feel - he is bringing home this girl cos he is serious about her.. Move on and meet someone else..

LegacyUser

Oh god, I have no intention of telling him how I feel. I'm not sure I even know.
And I amn't going to get to find out as he has moved on.

I've had a few flings since which have ended for one reason or another and I have just dusted myself off and moved along.
This was different though. Don't ask me why, it just was.
The rest were drunken **** buddy type situations. He's the first guy I've had totally sober sex with since my ex. Lots of nights in watching DVDs, meeting up for lunch, calling even when him coming over wasn't an option. As close to a relationship as you can get without committing to it which suited us both.


Anyway, will be taking the advice above. Dressing up to the max and looking fab (have a lovely red dress and killer red heels) , not drinking too much and having a great time (or at least pretending to!).

Have a couple of close friends who know the situation and are under strict orders that if he comes over for a chat they are to guide me away for a boogie )

It should be fine.

Thanks for the replies.

CDfm

OP - it maybe you weren't ready for a long term relationship.That's not saying you didn't like the guy but when you look at it this guy was getting ready to emigrate.

Hopefully you are in a better place now but at least you know the type of guy you like. You should have no regrets.

Enjoy the party.