My boyfriend is bad in bed

LegacyUser

Well the title says it. We're going out a few months and still at the tearing clothes off stage but the sex is not good. Now before people jump down my throat I have tried to guide him along, tell him when he'd doing things that make me shiver etc but the sex is lacklustre, vanilla for want of a better word. He does try but whenever things haven't gone very well he simply says next time will be better-but it never is!!! He has never made me come-he knows this as the only thing I fake is my hair colour-but again just says he will try harder next time like he is some kind of pupil who hasn't done as well as he should have on an exam.
Sorry if this sounds like a rant but it's something that is really starting to bother me and I don't know why because I'm not that experienced so I don't know why my expectations are so high. He is so great in every other way but the last time we were in bed all I was thinking was "come already so I can go to sleep". I mean is that not something a stressed out married woman would say after three kids and a twenty year marriage???
Please help-I will try anything (and I have tried a lot already)

LegacyUser

needs some help wrote: »

Well the title says it. We're going out a few months and still at the tearing clothes off stage but the sex is not good. Now before people jump down my throat I have tried to guide him along, tell him when he'd doing things that make me shiver etc but the sex is lacklustre, vanilla for want of a better word. He does try but whenever things haven't gone very well he simply says next time will be better-but it never is!!! He has never made me come-he knows this as the only thing I fake is my hair colour-but again just says he will try harder next time like he is some kind of pupil who hasn't done as well as he should have on an exam.
Sorry if this sounds like a rant but it's something that is really starting to bother me and I don't know why because I'm not that experienced so I don't know why my expectations are so high. He is so great in every other way but the last time we were in bed all I was thinking was "come already so I can go to sleep". I mean is that not something a stressed out married woman would say after three kids and a twenty year marriage???
Please help-I will try anything (and I have tried a lot already)

Firstly it takes 2 to have bad sex.

What's bad ? Foreplay, sex, position.
Do you take control of the sex.
Are you sure it's actually the sex act, not the man and you don't fancy him.

Tell him to just lie there and you do all the work see what the sex is like then.

If he's keen and willing to try harder then it should be fixable, not sexy/romantic but for a few sessions you might have to give him step by step instructions and say that's how I want you to sh*g me next time.

LegacyUser

Op ive been there, my last boyfriend as great as he was in EVERY way was just useless in bed. Im not blowing my own trumpet or anything but ive never had issues before and ive had a good few sexual partners over the years. Sex is a big thing for me and while we had a great emotional connection there was no sexual chemistry. I tried having him just lie there and me doing all the work but he used to come after about about a minute
In the end i couldnt do it any longer and we had had long chats about how to improve it. Its sad thats its what ended us but i think as must as a relationship isnt all about sex for the 'honeymoon' period its all its about!
Best of luck with everything!

OS119

we4rwerwe wrote: »

Firstly it takes 2 to have bad sex.

rubbish. a myth thought up by people who are crap in bed in order to make themselves feel better.

OP, is it maybe worth watching some porn with the guy - it is possible that 'vanilla' is all he knows (or worse, approves of). watching some porn might show him that there's a bigger world out there than the missionary with the lights off, it may also communicate that you aren't best pleased with his performance so far and that he needs to pull his finger out...

you could try to completely take charge - stick him on the bed, do what you want to do, ride the hell out of him, (effectively treat him like a vibrator with skin) and vocalise like a pornstar. if he doesn't respond and start to get involved, but just lies there like a sack of potatoes then you're wasting your time.

sorry, but if he's just 'not into it' he's not going to change. you wouldn't accept a BF who 'wasn't into' affection or consideration, so you shouldn't accept on who isn't into sex.

LegacyUser

Been there, done that.

I started seeing a guy a few months ago. Cute and lovely and nice.
After a few weeks we got down to business.
I'm fairly forward in bed and I know what I like, guide the guy with oohs and aahs. Ask for what I want and in general I have good sex. The boys don't seem to mind either.

But he came too quickly. Every time. I can live with that though I was disappointed. Size was also an issue, again, I can live with that.
But he just hadn't a clue. And no amount of talking and discussing and leading etc was changing it.
I could have dealt with it if he'd tried, at least made an effort.
I just had to ask myself if I wanted to have bad sex for the rest of my life. I ended it soon after

Elmer Blooker

Real life isn't like a porn movie or "Sex And The City". You know what I mean- man enters woman and the woman is moaning in two seconds flat.
I've nothing else to say really.

puglover

OS119 wrote: »

rubbish. a myth thought up by people who are crap in bed in order to make themselves feel better.

Nonsense, people have different preferences and sometimes just aren't compatible.

Sex in real life is nothing like a porn movie, somethings tells me you're pretty inexperienced if you think that it is...

OP you guys need to experiment and find out whats good for you both. Things that worked with previous partners might not be the same with your current bf so take a bit of time to try things out.

Oh The Humanity

He's never made you come? :eek: After a few months?
Why are you waiting. Bail now.

At this early stage the sex should be mind blowing and nothing less, if you have to 'train' him now.....then think how bad is it going to be in a year or two.....it's not gonna be good.

I think if someone is bad in bed, they're bad in bed. Also, having to coach someone is a turn-off in itself.

There are a few things you can't compromise with in a relationship and sex is one of them.

He might be a nice fella but that's not enough.

EamoS

In all fairness its kind of hard to give advice when we dont know the exact problem? From your post I gather there's a lack of passion? Do u try different postions? is there much foreplay? does he come quickly?

Im also gettin the impression that he's not that bothered by it? If thats the case if i was you i'd tell him that he's not getting any until your satisfied he's put enough effort in to turn you on.

OS119

puglover wrote: »

Nonsense, people have different preferences and sometimes just aren't compatible.

Sex in real life is nothing like a porn movie, somethings tells me you're pretty inexperienced if you think that it is...

OP you guys need to experiment and find out whats good for you both. Things that worked with previous partners might not be the same with your current bf so take a bit of time to try things out.

what, like a preference for not enjoying herself?

if he can't make her cum in four months then the people he's not compatible with are called 'women'.

i suggested a porn film (they could try dogging, or perhaps a cuckold party instead of porn) to open his eyes to sex that isn't 'vanilla' ie: crap, rather than a straight instruction film - i'm not sure the OP fancies DP, facials, and being strung up by her boobs to the ceiling. of course she might...

not inexperienced, and no complaints so far.

LegacyUser

I thought it was uncommon for women to come from penetrative sex? Or am I wrong?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I thought it was uncommon for women to come from penetrative sex? Or am I wrong?

your wrong - every one is different. i always come from penetrative sex only - hardly ever any other way!

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies.
Have not tried porn-how to bring this up though?!? Do I happen to have some ready to go when he comes over?
Have tried me on top in complete control-he said he likes this cos his arms don't get tired (?!?) but he didn't seem any more thrilled than any other position. I suggested doggy style, we tried it but he was not into it-seems to be happy with missionary or me on top. I'm running out of ideas tbh and I really want things to get better-with another gut it might be a write off but everything else is so good that I really want to work on this-guys what would you like your girlfriend to do for you that would blow your mind (I'm planning for the weekend!)? I'm hoping I can awake the beast!!

scarymoon1

is this his first relationship? if it is then cut him some slack id say.

Monkey61

hiya! 123 wrote: »

your wrong - every one is different. i always come from penetrative sex only - hardly ever any other way!

Actually not wrong at all. Apparently 70% of women can't come from penetrative sex. And out of all my friends I only know two who can.

Anyway OP, the problem seems to be not that your boyfriend is crap in bed,but that he just isn't bothered. Or it could just be that you aren't compatible at all. I do think it takes two to have bad sex, if people aren't communicating and saying what they want. Nobody can be expected to be a mind reader and while it is unfortunate if people aren't immediately compatible, it is something that can improve. But if one partner isn't at all willing to work on it, then perhaps it is a lost cause.

minidazzler

needs some help wrote: »

Thanks for replies.
Have not tried porn-how to bring this up though?!? Do I happen to have some ready to go when he comes over?
Have tried me on top in complete control-he said he likes this cos his arms don't get tired (?!?) but he didn't seem any more thrilled than any other position. I suggested doggy style, we tried it but he was not into it-seems to be happy with missionary or me on top. I'm running out of ideas tbh and I really want things to get better-with another gut it might be a write off but everything else is so good that I really want to work on this-guys what would you like your girlfriend to do for you that would blow your mind (I'm planning for the weekend!)? I'm hoping I can awake the beast!!

It sounds like he is just using you as a masturbation aid TBH, tell him to buck up, plenty of foreplay, and then change positions a bit, go for a bit of 69. If he can't get interested then, maybe it's time to have that chat.

OS119

needs some help wrote: »

Thanks for replies.
Have not tried porn-how to bring this up though?!? Do I happen to have some ready to go when he comes over?
Have tried me on top in complete control-he said he likes this cos his arms don't get tired (?!?) but he didn't seem any more thrilled than any other position. I suggested doggy style, we tried it but he was not into it-seems to be happy with missionary or me on top. I'm running out of ideas tbh and I really want things to get better-with another gut it might be a write off but everything else is so good that I really want to work on this-guys what would you like your girlfriend to do for you that would blow your mind (I'm planning for the weekend!)? I'm hoping I can awake the beast!!

he's a dead loss. moaning about having 'tired-arms' is just taking the piss.

he's either not interested in you, or not interested in sex. neither makes for a good BF.

Teacherman

I have always felt the " younger generation" are shallow-these replies have proven it. Sex is something you work at -like everything else. My suspicion is that most of the posters here who bail after their definition of bad sex are destined to float from relationship to relationship. Because even great sex with that special someone will gradually fade. Relationships must be constantly renewed-sexually and emotionally.

Teacherman

OS119 wrote: »

he's a dead loss. moaning about having 'tired-arms' is just taking the piss.

he's either not interested in you, or not interested in sex. neither makes for a good BF.

Could be you are doing some things wrong. Ever consider that??

LegacyUser

In fairness teacherman the OP does want to work on it and has not asked if she should ditch the guy. People have offered some suggestions on what she cando so I don't get why you think the "young" generation are so bad. Do you know the age of all those who posted replies teacherman? Sex is something that everyone can improve on and I think we all know this, its not like we're born knowing how somebody elses body works.

cruizer101

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I think if someone is bad in bed, they're bad in bed. Also, having to coach someone is a turn-off in itself.

I think this is a bit harsh, fair enough in the OP case the bf doesn't seem to be responding at all even over 4 months. But from the ammount of experiece I've had I know I'm not going to be anything special in bed, however I would be quite happy to take a bit of guidance and am sure I would improve.

OP there are different suggestions like get him to give you oral and that, but tbh at this stage with you making suggestions and him not responding it really does sound like he is using you simply as a tool for masturbation, which isn't on.

LegacyUser

OS119 wrote: »

he's a dead loss. moaning about having 'tired-arms' is just taking the piss.

he's either not interested in you, or not interested in sex. neither makes for a good BF.

My arms get tired when I'm on top - maybe I need to work out more but after a certain time, my arms start to give.

Also, I don't particularly like doggy style - never did.

Thing is OP - maybe he's just extremely inexperienced and at 20, well, that sounds about right (for my generation anyway). I was seeing someone at 25 and I was **** in bed. HAdn't a clue what I was doing, was a bit shy and was always worried I was doing something wrong... also, I never asked for what I wanted.

Then in my 30s, after more partners and experience, I started enjoying it and getting pleasure - not just trying to give it.

MAybe he's a bit similar to the way I was..... just a bit young and inexperienced or is afraid of doing the wrong thing.