The Next Time You Get Pulled Over.....

billjames

I found this one and laughed my A** OFF


Quote:
I don't get to see my girflriend too much because I work so many hours a week that it's almost impossible. That, mixed with her schedule, doesn't make for much time to see her. When I do find time to see her, I fly from work to her house going 90 in a 55 MPH zone.

That being said, Monday I was speeding to her house from work. I was on a local highway and about 5 minutes from her house when the blue lights blinded my eyes from my rear-view mirror. Damn, I've just been pulled over.

The officer walked up to my car, asked how I was doing, then the usual "license and registration, please". Nothing out of the ordinary.

I carry a gun for my profession and still had it strapped to my side, so I showed him my work ID and gun permit BEFORE whipping out the gun and saying:

"Here's my gun! I'm allowed to carry one!"

Phew, won't do that one again.

After looking over the permit, he eyeballed my crotch.

"I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car, sir. Keep your hands where I can see them."

Either he's a gay cop, or he has a problem with the gun.

I was asked to put my hands on the roof of the car. He pulled my 357 out of its holder.

"I'm going to hold onto this while I run your license, if you don't mind. You can step back into the car."

I got in and shut my door.

"So, Mr. Justin, why were you driving so fast?"

At this moment, my bull**** dispenser started cranking. I could afford another ticket, but would rather not deal with an increased insurance rate. I started spitting a line of total BS.

"Well sir, my job doesn't allow me to see my fiance very much. Since this is the first time in forever that I'm going to see her, I'm rushing to her house to pop the question. I apologize for speeding, I'm just so excited to see the look on her face when I ask her to marry me."

"Do you have a ring?"

"No sir, can't afford one."

"Ah, poor kid."

"I know. Could you do me a favor and write me a ticket? I'd like to look back on this night and laugh about the time I was pulled over and given a ticket the night I was rushing to propose to my wife."

The reason I asked him this is to make my story seem to check out. I'm calling his bluff, if you will.

"Haha, you kids. I'll tell you what-- I'll do you one better. I'll escort you over there through traffic if you're in that much of a rush. Wouldn't that be more of a story?"

Damnit. The guy's caught up in making a Kodak moment when all I want to do is get him off my back and eat tacos with my girlfriend... NOT propose. I've only known the girl for two months-- not exactly ready for the big commitment yet.

"Yes sir, I do believe it would."

After giving him her street name and address, he knew exactly where to go. ****. I got in my car and followed him as his siren rang out. Traffic pulled to the side, peopled yielded at red lights, and cars stopped-- all so I could have tacos with my girlfriend.

After getting to her house, the officer stepped out of his car and knocked on her door. She opened it and stared at him, then me in a look of confusion.

"Hi, I pulled this gentleman over a few minutes ago because he was in a rush to get over here so fast. Justin? Would you like to take it from here?"

I looked at Courtney, then the officer, who wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I tried to take her inside, but the officer stood right there in the doorway to witness the event. The things I'd do to get out of a ticket.

"Courtney... I know I've only known you a short time. But, in that short time <insert romantic bull****>... Will you marry me?"

She wouldn't say yes. She's younger than I am and always talked about how she wanted to date a guy forever until making a commitment.

''YES JUSTIN! I WILL MARRY YOU!"

The officer smiled and clapped as Courtney clamped her arms around my body. The neighbors, who had been wondering why a cop car with its lights on was outside her house cheered.

Courtney's parents called me and told me that they were proud that their daughter found such a nice guy.

Me? Well I got out of a ticket.

**** you. I'm engaged.

-Sideburns

http://funny-speeding-tickets.blogspot.com/

MagicMarker

tl;dl

galwayrush

Excellent:D, and congrats.

oops edit, i thought it was you OP who got engaged.

jumpguy

MagicMarker wrote: »

tl;dl

Why not just not bother posting then if you're too lazy to read?

chin_grin

Pics or it didn't happen.

Whosbetter?

Talk about digging a hole for yourself. :rolleyes:

Midnight_EG

MagicMarker wrote: »

tl;dl

It'd be nice if you got it right, it's tl;dr.


And OP, nice one :L

G_R

i wonder if after he said "sorry i was just messin to get out of a speedin ticket, i don atually wanna marry you"

Poor Uncle Tom

Does he have any balls?

He has the answer to all his problems strapped to his hip...:D

Schism

MagicMarker wrote: »

tl;dl

Fial

Midnight_EG

Schism wrote: »

Fial

Not sure if sarcasm, but still, l-o-fcuking-l.

pikachucheeks

Policeman: Pull over!

Llyod Christmas: HUH?

Policeman: I said pull over!

Llyod Christmas: It's a jumper, but thanks for noticing!

I love Dumb and Dumber

Húrin

I carry a gun for my profession and still had it strapped to my side, so I showed him my work ID and gun permit BEFORE whipping out the gun and saying:

"Here's my gun! I'm allowed to carry one!"

That was retarded.

AnonoBoy

That never happened.

gandhi123

billjames wrote: »

I found this one and laughed my A** OFF

You must be easily amused because that wasn't laugh-your-a$$-off funny.. far from it actually... but horses for courses and all that..:rolleyes:.

asdasd

He has the answer to all his problems strapped to his hip...

You seem to be implying that he should've shot, or threatened to shoot the cop to get out of a ticket.


/ backing slowly away from the thread

G_R

asdasd wrote: »

You seem to be implying that he should've shot, or threatened to shoot the cop to get out of a ticket.


/ backing slowly away from the thread

i thought he was implying that he kill himself.

/ joins asdasd in backing away

gandhi123

nf;dr



(not funny;don't read)

Piste

*I* thought it was funny. I bet the cop knew the man was only chancing his arm and that's why he stayed, to make sure the guy dug himself a nice little hole.

tech77

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Policeman: Pull over!

Llyod Christmas: HUH?

Policeman: I said pull over!

Llyod Christmas: It's a jumper, but thanks for noticing!

I love Dumb and Dumber

Tic tac sir?
One of the best scenes in one of my favourite movies.

/i know- it's totally OT, but it's so good.

Heckler

billjames wrote: »

I found this one and laughed my A** OFF


Quote:
I don't get to see my girflriend too much because I work so many hours a week that it's almost impossible. That, mixed with her schedule, doesn't make for much time to see her. When I do find time to see her, I fly from work to her house going 90 in a 55 MPH zone.

That being said, Monday I was speeding to her house from work. I was on a local highway and about 5 minutes from her house when the blue lights blinded my eyes from my rear-view mirror. Damn, I've just been pulled over.

The officer walked up to my car, asked how I was doing, then the usual "license and registration, please". Nothing out of the ordinary.

I carry a gun for my profession and still had it strapped to my side, so I showed him my work ID and gun permit BEFORE whipping out the gun and saying:

"Here's my gun! I'm allowed to carry one!"

Phew, won't do that one again.

After looking over the permit, he eyeballed my crotch.

"I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car, sir. Keep your hands where I can see them."

Either he's a gay cop, or he has a problem with the gun.

I was asked to put my hands on the roof of the car. He pulled my 357 out of its holder.

"I'm going to hold onto this while I run your license, if you don't mind. You can step back into the car."

I got in and shut my door.

"So, Mr. Justin, why were you driving so fast?"

At this moment, my bull**** dispenser started cranking. I could afford another ticket, but would rather not deal with an increased insurance rate. I started spitting a line of total BS.

"Well sir, my job doesn't allow me to see my fiance very much. Since this is the first time in forever that I'm going to see her, I'm rushing to her house to pop the question. I apologize for speeding, I'm just so excited to see the look on her face when I ask her to marry me."

"Do you have a ring?"

"No sir, can't afford one."

"Ah, poor kid."

"I know. Could you do me a favor and write me a ticket? I'd like to look back on this night and laugh about the time I was pulled over and given a ticket the night I was rushing to propose to my wife."

The reason I asked him this is to make my story seem to check out. I'm calling his bluff, if you will.

"Haha, you kids. I'll tell you what-- I'll do you one better. I'll escort you over there through traffic if you're in that much of a rush. Wouldn't that be more of a story?"

Damnit. The guy's caught up in making a Kodak moment when all I want to do is get him off my back and eat tacos with my girlfriend... NOT propose. I've only known the girl for two months-- not exactly ready for the big commitment yet.

"Yes sir, I do believe it would."

After giving him her street name and address, he knew exactly where to go. ****. I got in my car and followed him as his siren rang out. Traffic pulled to the side, peopled yielded at red lights, and cars stopped-- all so I could have tacos with my girlfriend.

After getting to her house, the officer stepped out of his car and knocked on her door. She opened it and stared at him, then me in a look of confusion.

"Hi, I pulled this gentleman over a few minutes ago because he was in a rush to get over here so fast. Justin? Would you like to take it from here?"

I looked at Courtney, then the officer, who wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I tried to take her inside, but the officer stood right there in the doorway to witness the event. The things I'd do to get out of a ticket.

"Courtney... I know I've only known you a short time. But, in that short time <insert romantic bull****>... Will you marry me?"

She wouldn't say yes. She's younger than I am and always talked about how she wanted to date a guy forever until making a commitment.

''YES JUSTIN! I WILL MARRY YOU!"

The officer smiled and clapped as Courtney clamped her arms around my body. The neighbors, who had been wondering why a cop car with its lights on was outside her house cheered.

Courtney's parents called me and told me that they were proud that their daughter found such a nice guy.

Me? Well I got out of a ticket.

**** you. I'm engaged.

-Sideburns

http://funny-speeding-tickets.blogspot.com/

Load of bollix. Where are you from ? I'll give you up till you "whipped out my gun". You would either be shot dead or be in serious trouble with the police regardless of a gun permit.

Just saw twas a link. Bull**** all the same.

MagicMarker

jumpguy wrote: »

Why not just not bother posting then if you're too lazy to read?

Shut up, that's why.

seanybiker

MagicMarker wrote: »

Shut up, that's why.

Ha ha ha.




It was probably bull**** but if it did happen I could only imagine that the cop knew me man was chancing his arm.

Poor Uncle Tom

asdasd wrote: »

You seem to be implying that he should've shot, or threatened to shoot the cop to get out of a ticket.


/ backing slowly away from the thread

dannym08 wrote: »

i thought he was implying that he kill himself.

/ joins asdasd in backing away

See lots of options,
He could also have squeezed off an instant engagement nullification...;)

trad

Here's a true one.

One night I followed a car that had no rear lights from St Stephens Green onto Dawson Street. I pulled him over on Dawson St. I initially thought he was driving with no light on but as I got of my motorbike in front of him his headlights were working. I also noticed the windscreen was somewhat lacking.

I pointed out to the driver that he had no rear lights but being a bit of a lad, he jumped out of the car and was quite insistant that his lights were working the previous day.

He bangs the left rear lamp and lo and behold on comes the left rear light, pleased with himself he goes to the right rear and mircale of all miracles on comes the right rear.

"What do you think of that Guard?" says he.

So I replied "If you thump the windscreen will the tax come back"

He didn't have an answer for that.

Jumpy

Midnight_EG wrote: »

It'd be nice if you got it right, it's tl;dr.


And OP, nice one :L

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AxtGqKT-Tw

*cough*

petes

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Policeman: Pull over!

Llyod Christmas: HUH?

Policeman: I said pull over!

Llyod Christmas: It's a jumper, but thanks for noticing!

I love Dumb and Dumber

Brilliant, I needed a pick me up this morning. Love that film.

billjames

chin_grin wrote: »

Pics or it didn't happen.

IF I have too

Mr. CooL ICE

And the winner for highest thanks:post ratio is...

asdasd

Next time a thread is brought back from the dead for no reason, spamming my inbox, I am killing a kitten


Thats right.


A cute innocent kitten.

Mint Sauce

did he get his gun back