Help please.....

patricia1981

Hi Guys

I'm in a relationship with a guy now for the last 4 years i really love him to bits but he smokes alot of weed and just seems to be zonked out of it d whole time.... It seems like he has no emotions when he smokes and as for holding conversations their just non exsistant.... I have recently found out i am 2months pregnant which i am happy about after i got over the shock of it especially since we miscarried a year ago and it wasnt a nice thing to go through at all.... He is continuously roaring at me and i cant take d stress i have tried to talk to him about it but its like he just doesnt care even though he says he does i just feel this isnt enough.... We havent by close had a sail through relationship it seems to be d same problems over and over for the last 2 years always beggin him to spend some time wit me or to help me round d house or to do the simpliest thing like have a shower when he comes in from work because he works on a farm.... He's idea of spending time wit me is me him and always his friends sitting on d couch smoking for the nite or just me and him and silence im no angel when it comes to the smoke either but when i found out i was pregnant i stopped and have been doin everything that i have been told i should do.... We have broken up on numerous ocassions because i dont feel he loves me but he will always talk me back around tell me he loves me and that things will change and i keep believing him and take him back but nothing ever changes.... When we have been off i have been with other people not on every occassion of course and when i mean wit i mean kiss i have only been intimate wit one other person which was only a fling and had no feelings for him but was feeling so down and out and he made me feel like a queen for one nite and it was great to feel that as it hasn't happened in a long time... But i went back with my boyfriend again as he begged me and asked me to help im get off the smoke so i did and he stayed off it for a whole 5 days went to the doc and all which they said tehy couldnt give him them tabs as he was addicted to weed and would more than likely get addicted to the tablets so we tried cold turkey but it didnt work... The mood swings were so nasty that he went and had a smoke and calmed down and was back to been a zombie again.... Its like he wont listen i ask him to leave and then that evening when i get home from work he arrives in the door and just takes it as everythings ok again and when i try to talk to him about things oh no not again stop naggin him but seriously i'm not naggin as i just want to sit down talk about things and get em sorted i dont want to loose him... I have stood by him when he lost his job and have paid everything that needed and needs to be paid clean d house cook dinner buy everything for the house thats and get absolutely no thanks or help for doin wat im doin i feel so undervalued and down at the mo and have this baby on the way and want d best for it but is staying wit him the best or should i walk away im so confused as i know ill hurt him but im gettin hurt by him more often than i am happy.... I dont want to let him down by kick him out or turn my back on him as he'll have to move home and live with his parents and that is something he doesnt want to do... All he has to do is look at me wit those puppy dog eyes of his and im melted... I just wish that he would grow up start showing affection towards d one he says he loves or just walk away and let me get on wit things i say this to him and he says i swear i do love you and do want to be in this but 5 mins later he's loosin d head again about something else its like living with Dr Jekel and Mr Hyde.... I so dont want to do all this witout him or make him feel in anyway that he wont be part of this babies life if things end i so would never do that to anyone no matter wat has happened between us and he knows all this cause i have sat down and said it to him.... Please help me

Chickenwings

I really sympatise with you on this one, was in a very similar situation for almost 7 years. I have to be honest, men like this NEVER EVER change. I exhausted myself trying to help my ex for years, it is so draining. But the bottom line is he didnt want to change. As you said yourself he knows all this, you have explained how you feel. You have to take a long hard look at the situation, you are expecting a baby..do you want your child to be raised in house where their father and his friends are stoned all the time?