Tormented by OH Post

LegacyUser

Hi all...

I recently came across a post on a public forum that I know was made by my OH and I'm sure my OH thinks it was anonymous. There is no doubt whatsoever that it was my OH.

It was in relation to a personal issue we are both having and I have been mentally tormented since reading through the original post and the subsequent discussion.

I have absolutely no problem with OH posting and working through an issue and seeking input from others. It's just that knowing how OH really feels about stuff versus what OH has actually said to me makes me feel betrayed.

Some of it is because OH window dressed OH's feelings about things to protect my feelings but I'd much rather have known the truth to begin with.

I know telling OH I've seen the thread is the only way forward now (isn't it?) because that's the only way to end the torment... but I'm afraid...

We had resolved the issue and now I'll be opening the whole thing up again and I wish I didn't have to.

I can't concentrate on anything else!

So what I want is for everyone to tell me everything is going to be ok :-)

Only joking!

Anyone any thoughts on the matter? Been through anything similar?

Thanks all

kittenkiller

Maybe rather than telling her outright that you saw the thread and you know it was her, try gaining some insight from what she's said and from the replies she's gotten?
Also, people might spout a lot on the web that isn't 100% how they feel.
There may be some poetic licence in there too.

Not a lot of people actually get to see inside the head of someone they care about in that way, use it for good rather than a weapon against her.

Taltos

One thing to consider that sometimes it is just easier floating your thoughts (no matter how inaccurate) across a stranger.

If you know / believe there can be no come-back then I think you can be more likely to open up in ways you might never with someone else. Hopefully in your relationship you can have that kind of openness but on a faceless website the fear of rejection or intolerance is much reduced.

Before you talk to your OH - are you 100% sure it was them?
If you are then maybe you should mention you came across it - and maybe ask why they felt they could not talk to you about it.

However pls consider that sometimes we all need guidance and help from others - that might be all they were looking for and just because you can tell who it was does not mean anyone else can... Guess it comes down to trying to figure out why this annoys you so much - is it because they needed help (and as you admit things are better) or is it maybe that you are afraid that others will be able to tell and judge you for it?

lolli

Why don't you just talk your issues through with your partner? Just ignoring them is not going to help anything. Things will just get worse if you sweep your problems under the carpet. If you seen the post it might be better to talk it through with him. I guess some people just find it easier to talk things through with strangers.

LadyMayBelle

Maybe your OH 'window dressed issues as you put it to save you from hurting you, when really he or she should have said it out. Online forums can be a source of anonymous (or not so it seems) support when there is no where else to turn to. Obviously he or she is afraid to tell you something how they really are, so maybe instead of coming down on them angry or annoyed, give them the chance to explain why they felt they needed the extra help. He or she obviously cares enough about the relationship to want to do something about it, but feels they can't approach you with these issues for fear of hurting you?

I think being betrayed sounds a bit OTT, take it from their point of view

VaioCruiser

Your partner seems like a decent bloke who is trying to avoid hurting you. When you encountered his post and you discovered things you never knew before, and that he is thinking differently than he claims he is thinking, it only shows how much you guys have not been communicating.
Now that you know, it seems that a good idea would be to use what you know to tease out the conversation next time so that you can open him up and also open up your own side of the dialogue and show him you won't be hurt by his feelings and you both can deal with whatever the issue is. No need to show how you know.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your replies.

I have no problem at all with my OH posting about the particular issue, and I wasn't upset because of the fear of people maybe finding out that it was me being discussed. I was more upset by some of the things that were said about me that I thought were a little harsh.

@VaioCruiser: I think you're right. The way forward would probably be to discuss the issue and use what I know to try and draw out the information in discussion.

Thanks all.