How long on average??

LegacyUser

Won't be long here, this is probably an impossible Question to answer as I am sure it is different for everyone.
Would just like to know how long would it take for someone to get over a realtionship that lasted about 4 to 5 years.
Ive know someone that I really like for the last 4 months but they are only broken up since last xmas.
Its just i dont want to waste my time waiting if there is nothing worth waitng for, they say they are still not over it and don't know when they will be,

Does this sound like a case of they will end up back together or does it just take more time.

P.S. they are still in contact, I have said that this is a bad idea and that if they want it to be over they need to cut contact at least for a while, but i don't want to push this as it is their decision

Wibbs

"they are still not over it and don't know when they will be, ", that's the bit that stands out for me anyway. 5 years is a long time and it does take time to process that loss. Some seem to be able to do it quicker than others. Contact will make it longer that's for sure.

You say you know them, have you started going out together?

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

"they are still not over it and don't know when they will be, ", that's the bit that stands out for me anyway. 5 years is a long time and it does take time to process that loss. Some seem to be able to do it quicker than others. Contact will make it longer that's for sure.

You say you know them, have you started going out together?

Not really, kind of started seeing eachother but they wanted to stop 4 these reasons,ie. "not ready 4 anything, mightn't be ready for like 2-3 years" and didn't want to lead me on. I'd not ava problem waiting if there was going to be a chance of something, not putting my life on hold or anything but just continue as is until they figure it out, thing is i know this is a dangerous game, i mean if they are still talking there is a good chance of them getting back together no? and even if not the longer i hang around the familirity without intimacy will probably lead to the friend zone - which i am anxious to avoid,

I've stopped contact now anyway, think that its my only choice here and hope that they come back to me once they have had the chance to miss me or whatever, could be clutching at straws but dont really see any other way to play it now.

Just curious asto how long i should refrain from making any contact, i.e how long would it take for them to figure out what they feel/want.

Wibbs

Regardless of them getting back together, them talking is a bad plan at this stage. Too emotionally confusing for her/him and you. You don't want to be the third wheel in an emotional triangle(as I mix my metaphors). Someone gets hurt, often all three.

I would be pretty black and white about this. They either want you or they dont. I don't do "confused". I know when I'm confused it means I don't like them enough. OK if it was the first few dates after a long termer, not months down the line.

I would say let them contact you first. If they're interested enough they will and as you said don't put your life on hold.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

Regardless of them getting back together, them talking is a bad plan at this stage. Too emotionally confusing for her/him and you. You don't want to be the third wheel in an emotional triangle(as I mix my metaphors). Someone gets hurt, often all three.

I would be pretty black and white about this. They either want you or they dont. I don't do "confused". I know when I'm confused it means I don't like them enough. OK if it was the first few dates after a long termer, not months down the line.

I would say let them contact you first. If they're interested enough they will and as you said don't put your life on hold.

Well just a quick update, Got an email yesterday, very short....I think it was just to open communications, I pondered on replying but in the end i couldn't resist, was short reply also tho, just said it was nice to hear from them and explained i was going to txt but resisted as i didn't think it was a good idea.

Fast forward 3-4 hours, another email telling me to ring her anytime, another one an hour later (wasn't at the computer so hadn't responded) saying they were sorry for not txting last few days, then an hour later a phone call, I was kindof tied up so couldn't really talk had a short convo just small talk really, seeing how things were going and that. They were talking about coming to visit at the weekend, not sying to visit me personally but coming to town (they've been gone all of a week)

Dunno I seem to be constantly being sucked in here, What would ppl think of this contact yesterday, is just a case of missing the attention or something else. Ive emailed back saying not to apologise for not contacting before etc. that i only meant i was wondering how they were doing during the week but didn;t wanna txt/call for obvious reasons...

SarahSassy

Id say from a quick look that its just keeping you hanging and missing the attention. There is no grey area here - she is either ready for a relationship or she is not.. She cant play wiht you til she decides.

LegacyUser

I was in a 6 year relationship that ended 16 months ago.
It is only the last 2/3 months that I have started to really get over it and my ex and I didn't speak for over a year. We still don't except for the occasional chat about our daughter.

I know that when I was still in the "messed up" stage I was seeing guys and being totally weird about it. I was demanding and wanted them at my beck and call. Then blew cold on them because they were too intense )

It depends on a lot of factors. For me the split was a bolt from the blue as my ex met someone else.
He had been thinking about it a lot so got over it quicker and he went into a new relationship right away.

LegacyUser

Yeah your right, Just hoping it wasn't that and that they realised that they wanted "us" after a few days of no contact
Texted this morn just asking if they were still going to come for a visit...no response so i guess thats all the answer i need, was probably a bit bored or whatever the other day and felt like an ego massage, ah well, i've been played i suppose, its gone on long enough now time to move on, their loss etc. (not really believing that at the moment to be honest but hopefully i will see at as such sooner rather then later)

Been a rough week emotionally really, this and found out a cpl days ago that an Ex whom i really loved is after getting engaged, its finished a long time and im very happy for her (dont see her as anything more then a friend and haven't for a long time) but it still kind of grates in a strange way if you know what i mean.

Sorry for posting these silly things, i do ofind it helps tho, cos i don't really talk about this stuff with anyone and its good to get it off my chest