I last too long..

LegacyUser

Hi, I am a 21yr old male and I have a problem when it comes to sex as I find it very difficult to come. I have had about 15 female sex partners now in my life and only ever come once from intercourse. I have never been able to climax through oral sex either but I have heard that this can be common. Most of the time when I come it is from a hand job and even this can be difficult depending on what area is getting attention. The first few times I had sex and didn't come I put it down to alcohol as I had been drinking a lot before it. In fact, this sounds crazy but every single time I have had sex I have been some what intoxicated. I have never had a girlfriend so just one night stands which usually take place after being in a bar or club. The weird thing is that I have absolutely no problem in this area when doing it myself, and have often come after just seconds. I am hoping that my problem is just from alcohol but the more it happens the more I start to think about it the next time I am having sex and it might be starting to play on my mind and affect me.
Can anybody offer advice on this subject?
Thank you

VaioCruiser

Imho the main problem here is the excessive number of partners and the casual nature of them. I am sure the alcohol plays a part but your body, whenever it arrives at yet another casual encounter is saying " so what ... what's new ... what's so exciting ?"

Try leaving the rutting phase of your life behind and get a real relationship, where the real excitement happens.


All the best

Xiney

I sincerely doubt that the number of sexual partners is the problem, and I don't think getting into a relationship would solve it.

Alcohol is most likely to blame, although if you're taking anti-depressants these are famous for turning guys into "forever men"

Maguined

I don't think it has anything to do with the amount of partners or the fact they are one night stands, its the alcohol, nothing else.

LegacyUser

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Imho the main problem here is the excessive number of partners and the casual nature of them. I am sure the alcohol plays a part but your body, whenever it arrives at yet another casual encounter is saying " so what ... what's new ... what's so exciting ?"

Try leaving the rutting phase of your life behind and get a real relationship, where the real excitement happens.


All the best

For one thing, I don't think I have an excessive amount of sexual partners and i DEFINITELY find sex exciting. I like most single guys often go through phases of months without having sex and many of my sexual encounters have occurred on holidays so its not like I am at it all the time by any means. As for finding a girlfriend, I of course intend on having relationships but I like to think that when this time comes I will be somebody who I click with. I am not interested in just going out an finding a girlfriend so I can have a girlfriend. Call me cheesy but we should find each other and it should just happen. Also, at this stage of my life I do not really want a girlfriend as I have lots of plans to travel in the near future so I am happy with my freedom for the moment. I am only 21 and have plenty of time to settle down and in no way is this the 'rutting phase' of my life! I tend to drink too much when I am out (like most Irish people my age) as I am a bit shy talking to women when sober so I think I need to work on not getting so drunk and being more confident in general around women.

Bloody Nipples

It's called delayed ejaculation and is quite common among men.

Here's a link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_ejaculation

ManOfMystery

IMO it's a combination of the alchohol (which can cause some men to take forever to climax) and being with partners who you don't know that well. You will never relax as much sexually with a one-night stand as you would with a long term partner, and the key to climaxing is relaxing yourself and enjoying it.

Maybe try cutting out the drink for a while, or going for a relationship - even if it's only a f-buddy or the like - and see if things change.

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

IMO it's a combination of the alchohol (which can cause some men to take forever to climax) and being with partners who you don't know that well. You will never relax as much sexually with a one-night stand as you would with a long term partner, and the key to climaxing is relaxing yourself and enjoying it.

Maybe try cutting out the drink for a while, or going for a relationship - even if it's only a f-buddy or the like - and see if things change.

Yes I definitely think I need to relax more when with a partner. I tend to focus too much on whether she is enjoying it also and this can affect my own enjoyment. There is definitely a good point to be made about not knowing a girl when its a one night stand and maybe this also has an effect. I think I just gotta have drink free sex the next time and find out.
Thanks

partyguinness

Do you masterbate a lot? seriously...you might be less sensitive

RandolphEsq

I found it was nervousness which lead to me being unable to focus properly and enjoy sex. Since the girls are only 1 night stands then just use them as practice to overcome this problem. Don't worry about pleasuring them, just focus on yourself until you can get it right.

LegacyUser

partyguinness wrote: »

Do you masterbate a lot? seriously...you might be less sensitive

Yeah lots when I was younger but not so much now. I have heard this mentioned also that masturbation might make you less sensitive. There have been a couple of occasions where a partner has tried to make me climax from a hand job and I have had to tell them which way to do it. I'm not one of those guys who can just get off to any strokes by a woman and it has to be certain way. *EDIT just trying to keep this PG*

Emme

RandolphEsq wrote: »

I found it was nervousness which lead to me being unable to focus properly and enjoy sex. Since the girls are only 1 night stands then just use them as practice to overcome this problem. Don't worry about pleasuring them, just focus on yourself until you can get it right.

You're some muppet RandolphEsq! I think the OP would be better off addressing his issues with a caring and considerate partner in a sober state. A series of ONS will only make things worse as both partners are likely to be drunk.

VaioCruiser

RandolphEsq wrote: »

I found it was nervousness which lead to me being unable to focus properly and enjoy sex. Since the girls are only 1 night stands then just use them as practice to overcome this problem. Don't worry about pleasuring them, just focus on yourself until you can get it right.

The definition of insanity is to repeat the same actions agains and again and expect a different result.

Too many immature and casual one night stands is the main cause here, and obviously alcohol does not help it.


.

LegacyUser

VaioCruiser wrote: »

The definition of insanity is to repeat the same actions agains and again and expect a different result.

Too many immature and casual one night stands is the main cause here, and obviously alcohol does not help it.


.

What is so immature about casual one night stands? We are not living in the dark ages any more and people in this country need to be more open about sex in general imo. I am 21 so how else am I going to get my kicks, have a 1 year relationship for every girl I sleep with? What is wrong with 2 people just wanting to have sex with each other for the fun?

shellyboo

I think it's mainly the alcohol, to be honest. Also, it's a hell of a lot easier to just *try* it without the alcohol than it is to find a gf, fall in love, and see if meaningful relationship sex is what he needs.

Zaph

VaioCruiser wrote: »

The definition of insanity is to repeat the same actions agains and again and expect a different result.

Too many immature and casual one night stands is the main cause here, and obviously alcohol does not help it.

Well as you seem to want to repeat the same theories again and again are we to assume that you are insane? We heard you the first time, if you've nothing useful to add in subsequent posts then please don't just re-hash what you've already said for the sake of it.

LegacyUser

Don't worry OP, this happens me on occasion so you're not alone. I'd estimate that I only climax 25-33% of the time. I don't think one-night-stands are the cause - I lost my virginity to a girl I was deeply in love with and still couldn't 'finish' so I don't think empathy plays too great a part - let's not overcomplicate an act which amounts to little more than two people thrusting at each other I'm on a mild dose of anti-anxiety medication, so that could be it...although I was under the impression that this actually detracts from libido or drive, not necessarily performance. Either way, it's not a MASSIVE problem...just can be a bit embarassing for the girl involved.

iguana

I also think the most likely cause is alcohol. When you are out try to alternate one soft drink/water with each alcoholic drink. If that doesn't make a difference try not drinking at all when you are out.

Your diet can also have an effect. Eat healthily, as much fresh fruit and veg as possible. Particularly zinc rich foods like asparagus, nuts and strawberrys. And if you don't have any regular form of exercise it wouldn't hurt to do something physically active.

RandolphEsq

Emme wrote: »

You're some muppet RandolphEsq! I think the OP would be better off addressing his issues with a caring and considerate partner in a sober state. A series of ONS will only make things worse as both partners are likely to be drunk.

VaioCruiser wrote: »

The definition of insanity is to repeat the same actions agains and again and expect a different result.

Too many immature and casual one night stands is the main cause here, and obviously alcohol does not help it.


.

The one response shall deal with you two peeples; it is not a case of not feeling enough emotional attraction to the girl, it is purely about the pressure you put on yourself to perform during sex. relax, have fun

LegacyUser

You didnt mention contraceptive. Id always wear a condom and find if I use a thick one like durex ultra i could be banging away all night and not be able to cum while with a different one id never have a problem