Cultural Evolution

Aramicon

Feck it,
We'll throw the empty books on the fire,
And feck them,
When they’re burnt we’ll be happy.
But I suppose it won’t be long before the flames dip low,
And in the dimness we will start to miss each other’s features.
Then feck it,
We’ll burn the full books too,
And dance madly till a pagan sun shows up,
And draws shadows over the mounds of ash.


It will find us lying asleep in the cinders,
Entangled, charred, dreaming-
Of crazy nights and scorched words,
Burnt bridges and burnt worlds.

---

weiming

Vulgarity in poetry seems so very contrary. I didn't particularly enjoy it, and think the piece could do with out it.

The piece seems a little "angsty", a little "pouty", I was hoping you'd do more with a title like the one you chose.

And, is that a bot in the reply above? Is there nothing greedy fools will not deign to do? How droll.

pickarooney

I quite liked it and wouldn't describe it as vulgar or angsty in the least.

Aramicon

First reply is surely a bot... some kind of irony there, I wrote the piece in about two minutes, had spent a day reading documentation and suchlike, felt like deleting it all, or at least reacting against the dreary technical information I was taking in by thinking about blowing it up and letting my imagination losse for a break! Didn't intend vulgarity, though I possibly use the expression differently (blame Father Ted).

I do agree that the title is off, on a forum it looks like an opener to a real discussion. I had the idea of the fittest bits of culture surviving, while the rest were destroyed, though I think I got carried away and burnt the whole lot

weiming

As to my perception of vulgarity, this may be my limited understanding of some of the words used due to my upbringing.


I failed to mention in my first post that I liked the second stanza quite a bit, which seems more reflective and worthy of the title and less...what's the word...self indulgent(?) than the first.

pickarooney

My perception would be as follows:
"Feck it" equates more or less to "ah well, never mind" in a slightly lower register of politeness, but your grandmother wouldn't bat an eyelid at the expression.
"Feck them" is equivalent to "the hell with them", ever so slightly more rude.

If that helps

Aramicon

Fair enough... there are two things I try and fail to avoid when scribbling- self indulgance and preaching, it's harder than it seems!

I read it again, and then wrote it again, tinkering until it came out different:

Cultural Devolution

Feck it! We’ll throw the empty books on the fire,
And feck them! While they burn we’ll be warm!
But it won’t be long before the flames dip down,
And we lose all sight of shape and form.


And in the dimness miss each other’s features,
As darkness marks the faces of us creatures
Feck it! Burn the full books too!
And madly dance till a pagan sun shows through


Throwing shadows from the mounds of ash
Morning rising up at last…


It will find us sleeping in the cinders,
Entangled, charred, dreaming-
Of crazy nights and scorched words,
Burnt bridges and burnt worlds.

Aramicon

pickarooney wrote: »

My perception would be as follows:
"Feck it" equates more or less to "ah well, never mind" in a slightly lower register of politeness, but your grandmother wouldn't bat an eyelid at the expression.
"Feck them" is equivalent to "the hell with them", ever so slightly more rude.

If that helps

Exactly... couldn't have put it better, it's a diluted parody of a swearword, not a serious offense!

weiming

I don't really have the talent for remarking on the more artistic/creative side of the prose that's written here, which is why I try to compensate by nitpicking over grammar and usage. This goes double for poetry.

Having said that, I think your revised version is more worthy of the title in every way. Having said that, please don't change your work unless you're absolutely certain it's something you want to do. As long as its creative writing (and maybe even otherwise), I think the most important thing is that the artist remains true to him/herself.

Also, thanks for the clarification on the vocabulary. I'll have to keep in mind that I come from a different language background in the future.