Cannot make my girlfriend come

LegacyUser

I am a 28 year old male and I have been going out with my girlfriend for 5 years and she has never reached orgasm through penetrative sex. This has always bothered me (and her) but it was never such an issue as she does come through oral, so she does get soemthing out of it at least. However, lately it seems like more of an issue as our sex life has "gone off the boil" a bit. (both busy at work, not seeing eachother as much etc)

OK, so she claims she has never come from penetrative sex, and I guess I believe her (well i sure want to believe her!). I have read up about this, and apparently some women never do. But of course, i'm only human to suspect its a problem with me.

So here are my questions...
Is this an issue for any women reading? If so, did you ever solve it? Or just make do?
I was thinking of buying a vibrator for her and trying to introduce that. is this a good idea or will she think im a freak?
Is there any advice/tips anyone can give me?

LilyCullen

To be honest MOST women don't come from penetrive sex alone, your girlfriend is among the majority not the minority.
don't beat yourself up about it, maybe try different positions(her on top/doggie style) were there ccan be more touching. I think buying a vibrator would be a good idea, if even just to spice things up a bit.
But seriously, it is very hard to come from penetration alone for most women, so don't feel bad about it

LegacyUser

Please don't worry. The 1st poster is correct in saying that (unfortunately) most women cannot reach orgasm through penetration alone. Some women do, and it's certainly easier if your girlfriend goes on top and sort of grinds against you. I know that I have a hard time, and I have to get my head in the right place to come through penetration, and sometimes it's almost too much work! But when I do-woo hoo!!

Try one of those small vibrators shaped like a bullet from Ann Summers-not scary, not ugly and excellent results. You can use that before, during and after penetration and more imaginative positions too which will spice things up for you! She won't think you're a freak especially if you love eachother. Good luck!

LegacyUser

foreplay is important for girls not so much for guys but if you want the end result its a must ask her what she likes communication during is important also. Try a durex vibrating ring with her on top and you sitting slightly upright with your knees slightly bent to support her back this works for my gf . Let her dictate the pace don't just go at it all guns blazing. be patient and don't forget some kissing and touching during as well can help. This might not work for yous at first but keep trying. Vibrators and toys i think would be a good idea if your gf is adventurous but talk to her about them first.

kjl

foreplay

Taltos

Definitely talk to her first before arriving home with a vibrator.
Also it appears that different ones suit different women better.
Not sure about the bullet one above but my OH prefers the rabbit one - all to do with the angle of the ears.

Try not to focus so much on this - it could end up eating you both up inside. Try to accept it and just have fun. If it's meant to be it will be but if you are both worked up about it then instead the stress will have the opposite effect...

LegacyUser

Not directly helping the OP but still on topic,

Can a couple in this situation not discuss getting something like a vibrator? I mean they both know that there are difficulties in getting 'full' stimulation.

Most all the posts mentioning vibrator purchasing are from guys and they are always worried about springing such a surprise in the bedroom. Do women want to be involved in buying vibrators or should the men go it alone hoping that they know what size will achieve the result and not make the girl jump out of bed when she sees it?

irish_bob

Help Please wrote: »

I am a 28 year old male and I have been going out with my girlfriend for 5 years and she has never reached orgasm through penetrative sex. This has always bothered me (and her) but it was never such an issue as she does come through oral, so she does get soemthing out of it at least. However, lately it seems like more of an issue as our sex life has "gone off the boil" a bit. (both busy at work, not seeing eachother as much etc)

OK, so she claims she has never come from penetrative sex, and I guess I believe her (well i sure want to believe her!). I have read up about this, and apparently some women never do. But of course, i'm only human to suspect its a problem with me.

So here are my questions...
Is this an issue for any women reading? If so, did you ever solve it? Or just make do?
I was thinking of buying a vibrator for her and trying to introduce that. is this a good idea or will she think im a freak?
Is there any advice/tips anyone can give me?

perhaps shes a size queen and you are average like the rest of us

Zaph

irish_bob wrote: »

perhaps shes a size queen and you are average like the rest of us

Banned for 1 week for unhelpful post

phic

Have you looked into CAT(coital alignement technique)? I've pretty limited experience with it, but it helped a bit! but let her know you're trying it, I know from personal experience it doesn't work if both partners are not informed about it!

Nevyn

There is a range of sizes for the male and female gentials and also in curvature so that some people are just not phyiscally compatible enough.

Monkey61

In fairness though, 70% of women (so the statistics say anyway) can't come from penetrative sex. That's a bloody huge majority really. It's not something to get stressed about as long as everything else is good.

Xiney

You know what? The posts up til now have been great.

I'm just going to add, congratulations for being in a relationship with a woman who is comfortable enough with herself and with you to admit you can't make her orgasm through penetrative sex instead of trying to fake it.

shellyboo

OP, most women can't. Introducing sex toys is one way of trying to get her to orgasm, but I think you should experiment with having her (or you) stimulate her during penetration as well. If she comes through oral, then clitoral stimulation during penetration might get her there - but try it without the toys first! Then if you find that works, you can look into a vibrating cock ring or bullet vibe as suggested above.

You need to learn what works for her before jumping in with toys - and don't just spring them on her! Discuss it with her first.

LegacyUser

Surely the woman has some responsibility in making herself "tick"? An assertive woman should be able to help things along, and not leaving it the sole responsibility of the man to light the fire.

krudler

The vibrator idea is great, you could also get a virbrating cock ring in ann summers which stimulate her while you penetrate, and it feels great for both of you, most girls would be delighted her man suggests a vibrator as a lot of girls think men are put off by the thought of having to get one to bring her to orgasm, I have no problem with it, most of the girls Ive been with couldnt orgasm through just penetration alone

abceire

Guest_SomeGuy wrote: »

Not directly helping the OP but still on topic,

Can a couple in this situation not discuss getting something like a vibrator? I mean they both know that there are difficulties in getting 'full' stimulation.

Most all the posts mentioning vibrator purchasing are from guys and they are always worried about springing such a surprise in the bedroom. Do women want to be involved in buying vibrators or should the men go it alone hoping that they know what size will achieve the result and not make the girl jump out of bed when she sees it?

my god dont just take out a vibrator during sex and suprise her, she must feel a little unease with not being able to o that way u want her too,and even if she buys a vibrator dont expect her to want to use it everytime or when you want her too,i d say buy one for a bit of spice, not in hope it will solve your issue, i know its hard but try new things for fun,must be hard for her to relax if everytime u have sex or try something new, you are looking at her hoping she orgasms waitig to see will she
try you sitting on the couch her ontop and use you hands

LegacyUser

I can relate, I dont magically come during sex and it really bugs me and pisses me off when men go on about it. dont get me wrong its great that you care about your girlf and pleasing her but at the end of the day if im worried that my boyf is getting bored or frustrated that im not orgasming all the time then there is no way i will come, its a distraction, and frankly sex is very pleasurable with or without the big o, so keep the communication lines open, talk dirty and ask her what she wants and then have fun, dont worry because she WILL pick up on that. Personally i used to feel like crap like whats wrong with me there must be something wrong if my boyf is worried, but after assuring him it was just me and relaxing and just having fun the sex life has improved and continues to do so. just dont make this about you and your feelings, as long as your girlf is happy that is all that matters.

ps agree about women helping themselves along, i quite like a LOT of foreplay, (more for me less for him) then doggy while i help myself along badda bing badda boom both happy! if things are quiet don't worry, just set aside a night for slow alone time, relax, candle, nice dinner(or takeaway) movie bottle of wine and just let her know you love her and still want her. back and neck rubs also received very well by us ladies!