Whatever doesn't kill you.......damages you?

LegacyUser

"Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"

Anyone subscribe to this? Honestly?

I feel, at the age of 24, much more damaged and insecure than I was 15. I won't go into the details of all the things that have happened but the other day I stopped and took a long hard look at the person I am now and the person I was at say, 19. Completely different people.

One was optmistic, outgoing, fun and ambitious, and now at 24 I am hopeless, realistic, scared of taking risks and don't get the same enjoyment out of people/things that I once did. It's quite depressing when I think about my ambitions that I had at 18/19 and now at 24 all have failed to materialize. I feel sort of damaged. Like I reached my peak long ago and now I don't have the appetite for half the things I once wanted or that I am far too realistic and cautious about my life these days. I am not paticularly happy about it, but recognizing the difference in my personality hasn't changed it at all. I can't seem to bring back the positive happy go lucky guy that I was no matter how hard I try. It was natural before and now at best I can force it for an hour....have I just grown up? Is this what being an adult is all about? Or is this a phase? albeit a slowly declining phase?

I guess what I want to know is, have you changed? And how? and at what age did you realize you were no longer the person you once were? Or am I completely alone in allowing my circumstances/events shape who I am?

Sinall

I think I change constantly. I don't mean that I change personality etc, but I do think that life is one long learning curve. I think I am still learning who I am and learning from my past.

Do you feel that you are not properly over things that have happened in your past? If not, then perhaps you need to deal with these issues before you can move on. If you are going through some sort of transition phase, then perhaps you need support with that, eg, someone you can talk to to help you along the way.

LegacyUser

Hey Op !!

I'm 26 .. and female...

I can't believe you posted this!! For the past almost 9 months or so I have felt pretty much the same. It feels like I dont even get excited about anything anymore!! I used to get a big kick out of the simpliest things and out of meeting new people and just even meeting a friend for a pint during the week, now NOTHING excites me!! I've had about 3 things I have been promising myself I will dedicate time to since I was about 17 and none of it has materialized, and still everyday I think 'better get started on that 'dream' before its too late' and still I do nothing. To be honest for most of the time I have thought that something is going to happen where everything clicks into place, and now obviously as I get older I realise that nothings going to change unless I change it, I just don't know if I have it in me anymore. The thing that scares me the most is that I've always had encouragment from my family and friends and still I do nothing about anything!
I have my group of friends and I dont care weather I meet people anymore, because it just doesnt give me the feeling it used to !!

I thought maybe I was depressed but I know I am not because I am very happy with what I just dont feel like 'me' anymore!! I can remember what I used to feel like, and I remember a feeling of being content and enjoying things but mostly things just feel like im going through the motions now..

Sorry, I am gone off on a big rant now, I just wanted to let you know that although i am not great at expressing myself your not alone in how you feel !!

Good luck with your ambitions!!

beks101

Damaged wrote: »

when I think about my ambitions that I had at 18/19 and now at 24 all have failed to materialize.

Ah here, you say that like you're about to kick the bucket! You're still a kid!

Growing up does not automatically equate to becoming more negative, pessimistic, apathetic or depressed, but it does mean becoming more realistic, and that's not a bad thing.

I don't know about you, but when I was that age I felt invincible, I thought my options in life were limitless and in hindsight, I was extremely green to the world's ways. I still believe I can do what I set my mind to, but I realise there are sacrifices, repercussions and obstacles facing me every step of the way. Because I've come face to face with some of them already. I consider this a good thing. And I'm the same age as you.

However, what you are describing to me does not sound like 'growing up', it strikes me there is something deeper bothering you and it's up to you not just to realise what that is, but to actually do something about it. We could all 'self-discover' all day, but the real hard work is in actually enacting change.

You are clearly not happy with your current circumstances. Why is that? Do you work, and if so, does your job bore you? If not, does that frustrate you? Are you close to your family? Do you have a good circle of friends and good relationships? Do you take any time to practice your hobbies? Do you take care of your health, fitness, do you get enough sleep? Is there something in your past that you are still struggling with?

nyarlothothep

Its probably worthless for what its worth but imo throughout life you have people saying you can't do this, you shouldn't do that, this idea is silly, don't ask that question etc. They may not even say it to you directly but through the media or about other people. They become amalgamated into the voice which constantly tells you that such and such a course of action is pointless. This should be distinguished from being realistic however, one can and should pursue their dreams, but it should be balanced out with some planning and an element of pragmatism if only to ensure that one lives reasonably comfortably.

RossFixxxed

I think the point of that expression is that if you FIGHT through hard times, and accept big changes it will make you stronger on the other side. It doesn't just mean that facing hard times will make you strong if you hide away.

Everyone mourns the loss of being very young, and the increase in responsibility etc that growing up brings. You have to face into it and take whatever actions you need to help yourself. Most of our dreams as teens are unrealistic and a bit over ambitious. You have to prioritise and judge things as they come, and be realistic. Build a comfortable standard around you. Somewhere to live etc. Then look at becoming that parachuting guitar playing surgeon movie star shark chaser!

You may be suffering something, but you may also just be hitting that stage of growth. If you forgive the quote this is the attitude that it is in the spirit of:

You rise, you fall.
You're down then you rise again.
What don't kill ya make ya more strong.
You rise, you fall.
You're down then you rise again.
What don't kill ya make ya more strong.
Rise, fall, down, rise again.
What don't kill ya make ya more strong.

Breaking your teeth on the hard life a'coming.
Show, your, scars.
Cutting your feet on the hard earth a'running.
Show, your, scars.
Breaking your life, broken beat and scarred.
But we die hard!

CathyMoran

My life has been "interesting" to say the least but one of the worst things in my life also led to one of the best things - I wish that my life is not so tough but I also have one thing that is everything to me. Life can be very tough but you have to find the good. You are 24, your life has just started, it is up to you what you make of it.

metrovelvet

I think this is a lot about what life tries to tell you growing up is about - settling for apathy, repressing everything, deferring dreams.

And a lot of the time it is. You can get sucked into the inertia of it all, or you can do something with it.

As for the what doesnt kill you damages you... yes sometimes it does. An arm that was broken will never feel the same as one that wasnt, no matter the knitting.

dragonbelle

Hey there. You'll be ok. Honest - you'll be ok. At 24 you are simply a little more enlightened than your counterparts. I was about 28 (I'm 31 now) when I started freaking about my lost self, personality, vibrance, ambition, love.

you're not alone either. Ever hear of the 27 club? Loads of brilliant talented people have not coped in their 20's. Cobain, Hendrix more recently Heath Ledger to name a couple. My theory is that everyone intelligent can potentially have a tough time somewhere in their 20's.

Truth is you haven't lost anything, you have gained an awareness of yourself that you didn't have before because no one does when they are 18, everybody kind of blasts through on hazy/drunken autopilot. Don't freak out. Smile secretly to yourself and start using your new found awareness to consider some more of the beautiful things that are out there for those who choose to be aware.

You now get to splice a variety of things like philosophy, art, and music into the mix with partying, hangovers and sex! - It's good. Not as carefree as before but when you get the hang of it trust me it's good.

and laugh about it. take the pis about it with your friends - don't take it too seriously!! x

check this out for beautiful..
yoyo ma (cello) playing bach

..this for interesting and cool and for restoration in the feckin bonkers human condition worldwide...!!
filipino Thriller

and this out for funny...
pachelbel's cannon rant

on youtube if ya haven't seen them already.
Stick with music, laughs and love and you'll be ok xxxx

nyarlothothep

RossFixxxed wrote: »

I think the point of that expression is that if you FIGHT through hard times, and accept big changes it will make you stronger on the other side. It doesn't just mean that facing hard times will make you strong if you hide away.

Everyone mourns the loss of being very young, and the increase in responsibility etc that growing up brings. You have to face into it and take whatever actions you need to help yourself. Most of our dreams as teens are unrealistic and a bit over ambitious. You have to prioritise and judge things as they come, and be realistic. Build a comfortable standard around you. Somewhere to live etc. Then look at becoming that parachuting guitar playing surgeon movie star shark chaser!

You may be suffering something, but you may also just be hitting that stage of growth. If you forgive the quote this is the attitude that it is in the spirit of:

While Metallica are no poets, I've always had an affinity for these lyrics.

Also achieving a hendrix or tarantino or whatever high level success isn't that important. Some people get lucky but it doesn't mean that they are inherently majorly talented, they were in the right place at the right time. There is so much undiscovered talent which is vastly superior to a lot of which gets celebrated by the mainstream. The point is if you like what you've produced or what you're doing, thats all that really matters, you don't need other people to validate it if you know its good.

VaioCruiser

Damaged wrote: »

"Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"

Anyone subscribe to this? Honestly?

I feel, at the age of 24, much more damaged and insecure than I was 15. I won't go into the details of all the things that have happened but the other day I stopped and took a long hard look at the person I am now and the person I was at say, 19. Completely different people.

One was optmistic, outgoing, fun and ambitious, and now at 24 I am hopeless, realistic, scared of taking risks and don't get the same enjoyment out of people/things that I once did. It's quite depressing when I think about my ambitions that I had at 18/19 and now at 24 all have failed to materialize. I feel sort of damaged. Like I reached my peak long ago and now I don't have the appetite for half the things I once wanted or that I am far too realistic and cautious about my life these days. I am not paticularly happy about it, but recognizing the difference in my personality hasn't changed it at all. I can't seem to bring back the positive happy go lucky guy that I was no matter how hard I try. It was natural before and now at best I can force it for an hour....have I just grown up? Is this what being an adult is all about? Or is this a phase? albeit a slowly declining phase?

I guess what I want to know is, have you changed? And how? and at what age did you realize you were no longer the person you once were? Or am I completely alone in allowing my circumstances/events shape who I am?

Hi OP. I hear where you are coming from. I sympathise.

The truth is that we are changing on a continuous basis, day by day, week by week. We are not the person we were last year, or ten years ago. We learn and grow and change, not just in wisdom but in experience and attitudes and emotions. If we do NOT change, then we are not growing and maturing.

You ask about what doesn't kill you makes your stronger...

The answer is .... it depends on YOU !

As we grow we move from an idyllic life protected by our parents, anchored to them and our home. We move into a life where we are met with obstacles, competing people and competing interests, the indifference of others and of girls we are attracted to. Life is a journey through a forest of challenges and range of hills and mountains we have to climb.

Along the way we get knocked down, knocked back, insulted, bruised, embarrassed and many other things.

What happens to us as people then depends on our attitude to life. Our hunger for life and our determination to get over these challenges and to come out a winner.

Most people are good. Bad times pass and good times come. Good times don't last forever. These are cliches, but they are cliches because they are TRUE !

You are a crossroads now in your life and you need to step back and decide what kind of person you really want to be .... How are you going to deal with this sh1t being thrown at you from time to time ? Are you going to hunker down and be a victim ? or are you going to stick your heels in, pull your socks up and face it HEAD ON ??

If you do then it will be a thrilling ride. Ups and downs, Ins and outs. Pain and joy. Elation and downness. And then you get back and face it again. That is what life is about and why it is so much better being alive than the alternative. We will all end up in the ground one day - you can decide now to make the best of the time you have left !

All the best

sunnyside

[QUOTE=Damaged;62097784and don't get the same enjoyment out of people/things that I once did. [/QUOTE]

I have often thought the best times were over but then something even better happens.