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What to do... Confused

  • 13-09-2009 11:12pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Been with a girl a long time and we recently split up as she dumped me. I was really devastated by it and didnt think that i could get over it. still loved her more than anything. Then she wanted to get back but i found out that she had really fancied other people when we were going out. she was texting them and flirting, dont know if she cheated but willing to give her the benfit of the doubt. But now the gloss has really gone off her for me. She just doesnt seem like the same person i loved. Never thought that she would act like this. Always trusted her 100% and never would have believed that she would do this to me. I was so hurt, more than i ever have been, and now dont know if i could love her that way again. We still see each other regularly but i feel that theres a real distance between us. Sometimes i get really annoyed with her and cant stand to look at her and other times i want her to be there. I really do want to make a go of it but unsure if i could trust her again or love her as much as before. Really thought that id be with this girl forever. We had a great relationship and got on really well. Still really want that but just dont know if its right.

    Just looking for advice from anyone who has been in this position before. Are we destined to break up again or can i trust her again and is it possible to love someone again after they have hurt you really bad.


Comments

  • #2
    kittenkiller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,433 ✭✭✭kittenkiller


    Hi OP.

    I think you need to ask yourself if you really miss your gf or if it's the person you used to think she was that you miss.
    Also, maybe it's just the companionship of being with *someone* that you miss?

    It really sounds from your post that you'd be better off without her.
    You're hostile towards her and her behavior and don't see her as the same person you had feelings for.

    Right now, I'd say it'd be a terrible relationship if you got back together.
    Maybe give it some time to see how you feel when things have cooled down a little.

    Best of luck.


  • #3
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    OP - I dont think you are being hostile.

    Its a perfectly honest reaction that she questioned her affection for you and rather than being her special guy you feel that she is settling for you but would leave if something better came along.

    Thats a real kick in the teeth that is.

    So you are asking can you get back to intimacy after that. Trust is either zero or 100% and if there is just a teeny bit of doubt it does have an affect.

    Currently that building block is insecurity and even low self esteem.So you are trying to fathom if you can get to a situation where she rocks your world and you dont feel it because you are questioning her feelings for you.

    It also seems to be a big thing on whether or not she got off with someone else or indeed whether there was an attraction that she pursued.If she has done that -would you end the relationship?

    So how did you break up and what was said and what was said when you got back together?


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