Myself is just gone.I need to get away from work but feel guilty

LegacyUser

I am not sure where to start. I have worked everyday I could since I was 16 I am 29 now. But for the past 3 years , since I started a new job I have changed. I am no longer myself if you know what I mean. I used to be confident outgoing and sociable.But now I am just so different. I am sad , anxious and constantly worried and paranoid.Bullying was an issue in work and it came to a head during the week. I had a major panic and had to go to the doctor. My mum had to come to my flat and take me home. I just feel destroyed. I know it is a mix of work and other personal stuff and I have just had enough. I feel I need a break from my life from work and from my flat. The panics have become more frequent in the past 6-9 months and I can no longer control them. My confidence is just so low, I can't even make a phone call or go to the shop by myself. My doctor has signed me off work for a week but I really feel I need much longer. I just cant face going back in.
What can I do? I am not lazy or a scrounger but I just can't face it.
I have a hobby which is acting . During the Summer I got a part in a play which I love. I love being around the others in the play and going to rehearsals. But I am very anxious that work will think I am lazy or bad if I call in sick and yet still do the play. I am worried that it will get me into trouble and I feel so so guilty.

Should I just hand in my notice and start over again.I dont know what to do and it is making me very anxious. I was given calming tablets but I took one this morning and I am still very stressed and down. Please help I need advice.

Silverfish

Have you spoken to your boss / HR dept about the bullying in work?

Believe me, you spend enough of your day in the place, its not worth it when you work somewhere that makes you miserable, it ends up having a knock on effect on your whole life.

SLUSK

down wrote: »

I am not sure where to start. I have worked everyday I could since I was 16 I am 29 now. But for the past 3 years , since I started a new job I have changed. I am no longer myself if you know what I mean. I used to be confident outgoing and sociable.But now I am just so different. I am sad , anxious and constantly worried and paranoid.Bullying was an issue in work and it came to a head during the week. I had a major panic and had to go to the doctor. My mum had to come to my flat and take me home. I just feel destroyed. I know it is a mix of work and other personal stuff and I have just had enough. I feel I need a break from my life from work and from my flat. The panics have become more frequent in the past 6-9 months and I can no longer control them. My confidence is just so low, I can't even make a phone call or go to the shop by myself. My doctor has signed me off work for a week but I really feel I need much longer. I just cant face going back in.
What can I do? I am not lazy or a scrounger but I just can't face it.
I have a hobby which is acting . During the Summer I got a part in a play which I love. I love being around the others in the play and going to rehearsals. But I am very anxious that work will think I am lazy or bad if I call in sick and yet still do the play. I am worried that it will get me into trouble and I feel so so guilty.

Should I just hand in my notice and start over again.I dont know what to do and it is making me very anxious. I was given calming tablets but I took one this morning and I am still very stressed and down. Please help I need advice.

you should probably quit your job.

dazberry

down wrote: »

Should I just hand in my notice and start over again.I dont know what to do and it is making me very anxious. I was given calming tablets but I took one this morning and I am still very stressed and down. Please help I need advice.

I was in your position before (PM me if you want to discuss) - and it ends up just ruining your life. If it was to happen to me again, I would just walk out.

D.

LegacyUser

oh my god , thanks so much for the responses. I really appreciate it. My friend said I should just go out sick and use up all the sick time I am entitled to but this idea makes me even more anxious . I think dazberry you are correct . I should just walk out. I have the support of my family and will find another job eventually. I am sorry I was so panicked. Thanks for the answers

Zaph

Before just walking out can I suggest you try something first. Speak to your GP and see if he will extend your sick leave to a month or two. Explain to him the situation at work and how much the stress and bullying (about which you should also speak to your HR manager) is affecting both your mental and physical health. A friend of mine in a similar position to you did this recently, and while he still isn't overjoyed about some aspects of where he works, a couple of months away from it helped him get his head a bit straighter. You may decide to leave anyway, but this would give you some breathing space to rationally think about your decision and what you're going to do next if you do quit.

LegacyUser

Aww Op , sorry for all the intense feeling you are experiencing at the moment, I have been where you are and now i can tell you my life is so different, no panic or anxiety anymore!

Basically you have been paddling your boat against the current, you are not listening to your true desires, I felt a lot of guilt like you that i was lazy if i needed time off, it ate me up but seems silly to allow other peoples voices in my head to control my happiness!


I feel you now know that will fulfill you in life and you really need to give yourself permission to go for it, you are experiencing panic and anxiety because your body is telling you now because you would not listen to your mind we often get sick when we really need to listen to ourselves.

sounds like you have proven to yourself that you are a hard worker and you have put in years of commitment and energy into your work, along side that you have pursued other passions you are not lazy and you should trust yourself! if you are in a position to pursue the acting and leave your job, you will experience a different life, I changed my whole life i took all the pressure off myself and the intense feeling left and my anxiety left, i know you will understand the intensity of the feelings so the relief i now have that i am no longer suffering in emence.

You seem to have pushed yourself to the very edge in sticking with this job that you seem to hate at this stage, conforming to society and what we are presented with as a model to live up to can have negative effects on some people because we are all different,


When i went through a difficult time in my life it was actually a great turning point for me and i did a lot of soul searching, It deepened my lifes experience because i worked through it and listen to my needs and now i never believe in anyone elses beliefs about how to life i listen to myself and what i feel is best for me.

I did a bit opf therapy and found it great for learning to listen to myself and my needs, you may like it too.

Also some great books i could not have been without are, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by susan jeffers, You Can Heal your Life by Louise hay, A new Earth by Eckhart Tolle they also have cd's which when your feeling anxious they are very good to listen to for grounding you.

I wish you every success and well done for having the courage to face your fears and change your life, you are now becoming who you were born to be- In a dark time the eye begins to see-


Best wishes!! xx

LegacyUser

If you are stressed out because of bullying in work, go to your doctor & ask them if they can give you a cert for a few weeks. This will allow you time to think clearly about what you want to do. Also report the bullying to your HR dept / senior manager. They need to be aware of what is going on. If it is a small company, this may be hard to do but make sure that somebody senior is aware of the situation. You have entitlements and the company is obliged to sort out this problem without you having to walk away from your job.
For peace of mind & your health, you may end up leaving it anyway, but make sure to do what you can to resolve it first of all.

JonathanAnon

If you are being bullied now, going to your boss is unlikely to stop you worrying about the thing. If you cannot disassociate yourself from worrying about it, then you need to leave the job as there is nothing worse than that.

If there was a person in work who I didnt like me for no apparent reason, then I would just treat them the same way and not give a second thought to the issue. I dont think I would go to the boss, as this will just bring more attention to you. Maybe you should confront one of the people and just say "Look, have I done something on you, why dont you get off my case". If you stand up for yourself, they will at least respect you more as they will realise that they cant walk all over you.

But if you cannot get any contentment with the issue, I would just leave and make sure that the people who were bullying you know that they are the reason that you are leaving.