Am I being silly?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Now you might think this isn't a problem as such, but to me I think it may be a bit of an issue.
I've been seeing a guy for a while, 2 and a half months approx. Now it's nothing serious at the moment but I think we are heading in that direction. He has hinted about us becoming a couple "officially", and has been sussing me out about it. Now I really like this guy and would be totally happy to be in a steady relationship with him.

What is bugging me is that the guy is absolutely gorgeous looking. A real stunner - 6'4", black hair, brown eyes, just beautiful and he turns heads wherever he goes. I'm just so insecure about this, as I tend to believe that the better looking you are the more chances you have to cheat, etc. Even all the attention he gets just makes me feel a tad insecure. I am no plain jane myself and he's always telling me how stunning I am and how all the guys check me out! I however don't feel that I am as beautiful as him. A friend of mine has a saying - don't date a guy better looking than you or you will always feel insecure about your own looks. I think she may be right!

I just think I would probably be more secure being involved with someone who wasn't so hot. And isn't being secure in a relationship a big thing? I just feel if we got serious I'd always be worried about all the attention he gets.

Am I being silly, immature or just plain shallow?

Thanks for any input.

Wagon

silly girl me wrote: »

Am I being silly, immature or just plain shallow?

Nah you're just looking for advice.

He thinks your bloody great looking, he wants to make this more serious, he wants to make things official. If he could have anyone wherever he goes he certainly wouldn't be wanting a relationship. I think he has eyes only for you. So don't be worrying about it.

As for what your mate said, it's not true. My own girlfriend is great looking, usually gets men chatting to her in pubs/clubs etc... A lot of male attention. Yet i look like a well spanked arse but she seems to like that so im not complaining! everyone has their own idea of attractive and even if you can't see it, the other person can. This chap certianly seems to with you so again, id say go for it

kjl

Don't worry, sound to me like he is mad about you. Most people who are really good looking don't know it. He might feel the exact same way about you.

I was with this girl before and she was a perfect 10, and I was always showing off to my friends with her, but she was doing the same thing, she told me once that she thought I was better looking then her.

This

My bf is amazingly hot and gets chatted up all the time , like if we are out and i go to the bathroom, i come out and some woman is hanging off him. doznt bother me, why would it?!!! these women want my man!!!

LegacyUser

It WILL be an issue, its difficult to handle to be honest.

My boyfriend is a head turner. Very unusual looking, gorgeous. I would consider myself alright but no stunner. We are one of those couples you would look at and say 'How did she get him/keep him'

Anyway, because of this girls are constantly either coming on to him right in front of me (but hey I don't matter/exist to them because I am not as good looking as them) or deliberately placing themselves in his eyeline and flirting non verbally (porn poses, eye contact, finger in lips etc).

We were on a bus recently and I kid you not, the girl in the seats opposite us, wearing a short skirt, kicked her (long tanned perfect 10 out of 10) legs up on the top of the seat in front and spent the rest of the journey squirming around eyeballing him, trying to get him to make eye contact with her while I wouldn't be looking. At one stage she had her legs plastered up against the window. I just had to sit there like a fool pretending not to notice.

Thats just one example. Women are so brazen. He is actually quite good in not responding or showing me attention to see them off but it is difficult. As far as I know he doesn't encourage them, at least I hope not.

But other women are so brazen. Sometimes I feel like telling them to fcuk off but I won't let myself down.

Sometimes I feel like one of those rock star wives that is constantly fending off a line of chicks. It is difficult, they are everywhere. I come back from the toilet and there is often one lurking there. What is with that? I never went for men I could see were attached when I was single! It doesn't seem to bother them that his GF is standing there....I dunno....

The only advice I can give you is that it doesn't go away and women seem to be quite predatory. Its difficult for him and he has refused a few stunners while with me.

Its difficult, you will need a lot of self control and to be secure in yourself. Difficult, but can be done.

LauraLoo

its a hard situation to be in... ive witnessed similar scenarios but im lucky enough that my husby doesnt even notice and i have no problem giving them the raised eyebrows "your sad" look... it doesnt make me insecure, it makes me feel lucky that my husb is such a ride.

You ask will you be more secure if you go out with someone less good looking than you?

The answer is NO. This situation is not making you insecure, it is highlighting an insecurity that already exists within you. you reckon that the better looking he is the more opportunity he has to cheat- he will cheat if he is a cheater; not if he is good looking. your ego is putting fears into your mind but you need to sit down and ask yourself if you are ready to trust this guy.

LegacyUser

I wouldnt worry too much...he's with YOU...if he didnt want to be he wouldnt be or wont be if thats what he decides (so no point in fretting...what will be will be...)

Love yourself more....he may pick up on your insecurity....I have learned the hard way..you HAVE to love and value yourself..once you achieve that others will follow,...no need to be insecure !!

Best of luck with it !!