Its not only your parents that can mess you up, it seems.

LegacyUser

The other day my girlfriend told me that I was "emotionally detached," and I realized I probably was, and I would like to talk about it. Its not something my upbringing did, which may be strange.

Im only 19 and In the last 4 years I have been in relationships for over 3 of those. Judge me. I certainly wouldn't do it again but thats what happened and "god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." I have been labeled a "relationship whore." And maybe and probably its true.

I was with one girl for 2 and a half years. It was stupid and she was stupid but I didn't realize I could get better and I got stuck in a rut. After she broke up with me I reveled in freedom before engaging in a classic rebound relationship. That lasted 3 months, before the new girl broke up with me. I should NOT have been in those relationships, but yet I wasn't smart nor brave enough to realize they needed to end and to subsequently do the ending.

I am with a new girl for 8 months. This only started 6 days after the last one, and initially I didn't want it solely because I felt my mind was programmed to seek out relationships, and that I should stop that. This new new girl is too good however - she is the best looking girl I have ever even kissed; she is unbelievably intelligent and most importantly our personalties manage to coincide in liking Maths, Literature etc. We haven't had a fight in the 8 months, which is new for me.


I fear being fully relationship-like. Some of my friends call me a relationship whore when they're drunk. I start thinking that maybe Im being too complacent even though my gf is amazing. I start to doubt my own desire for my gf in that I fear I like not the girl but the relationship. So I find it hard to tell her that I love her. I love her. I find it hard, even impossible, to be even remotely emotional ('lovey-dovey'). I suppose that makes me insecure as shìt. Because my gf is probably the limit to infinity as girls tend to perfection.

charmer

Show her this post, it might help her to understand why you are that way, I know it can be hard to talk about things but don't shut her out, as you said yourself you love her..
If it was just the relationship you liked I imagine you wouldn't have problems with being 'lovey-dovey'. IMO thats what relationship-whores do, all handsy, too much PDA, over the top bull.. Don't over-analyze yourself, you're happy with her so just go with it.
You love her, tell her.

Sorry if this doesn't help:o
Good luck!

opinion guy

Ok.

My friend. You are over thinking it. You are 19. Neither you, nor your friends have any clue what a relationship whore is yet. Do you like this girl ? Attracted to her ? Do you enjoy spending time with her ?
Yes to those ? Then just enjoy time with her as it comes. Tell her you love her if that's how you feel. Stop watching dawson's creek reruns
f**k the begrudgers !!!

Your post totally reminded me of my ex. He is also a serial monogamist, as they say. He hasn't been single for more than a couple of weeks since he was about 17. As soon as one relationship finishes, he gets with the next girl. He'd only been broken up with his ex a couple of weeks when he asked me out. I got a feeling of desperation off him and asked when his last relationship ended, and I wasn't surprised at all when he told me. I said I thought he should wait a while but he persuaded me that I was really special, different blah blah blah. I was a little skeptical, but I decided to give it a go. Well, he ends up cheating on me, lying about it, I dumped him when I found out, and he was with his new GF about a week later (not the same girl he cheated with). No doubt he's telling her the same things he told me. I finally realised it was HIM who had the problem, not me. It is so unhealthy to just bounce from one relationship to the next without having some 'me' time, not learning from your mistakes. It's very, very unfair to the girls you're with. Maybe you need to take a break and ask yourself what you really want?

LegacyUser

Thank you for all the responses, it all helps.

@[Deleted User]. While I can see why you draw a comparison between myself and your ex, I dont believe that its 100% correct. When I first met my current gf my first instinct was just not to text her as I didnt want to be in another relationship for the sake of it, and it was my friends who insisted I do, especcially as she was friends with my buddy gf etc. I was very hesitant about being in a full relationship again - and thats something her and her friends picked up on.

But Im not here to defend myself. I know that in past relationships I had a similar/same attitude that your ex did, that is to be in it for the relationship and not for the girl. And I have thought about it a lot, and especcially whether Im doing this again. Obviously Im from a subjective viewpoint and the only way to fully know would be to judge when its over, but I dont think its happening so much anymore. My gf is a lot different to previous ones - a lot more similar to me in personality etc - and the principle joys of my relationship with her now are things I could not do with most others such as discussing literature.

Begin a serial monogamist, as you call it, is something I dont want to be and Ive been having an internal dialog about it for a long time.