What is

hyperone

Not sure of a name for this, so I just called it "What is"

Do you feel like you are walking through a haze
And you don’t know what is going on
Are you feeling down in the dumps?
Or has something gone wrong?

So how do you take you
To the place you need to be
What is it that you seek?
What is it that you need?

Think about it for a minute
And really look inside
What is clouding your thoughts?
What is in your mind?

You have all the answers
You just have to dig deep
You can help and heal yourself
By thinking positively

bakkiesbotha

hyperone wrote: »

Not sure of a name for this, so I just called it "What is"

Do you feel like you are walking through a haze
And you don’t know what is going on
Are you feeling down in the dumps?
Or has something gone wrong?

So how do you take you
To the place you need to be
What is it that you seek?
What is it that you need?

Think about it for a minute
And really look inside
What is clouding your thoughts?
What is in your mind?

You have all the answers
You just have to dig deep
You can help and heal yourself
By thinking positively

Is this a poem? Or a message? Or a sermon? Or just some empty cliches strung together and typeset in a vaguely poetic looking format?

hyperone

bakkiesbotha wrote: »

Is this a poem? Or a message? Or a sermon? Or just some empty cliches strung together and typeset in a vaguely poetic looking format?

Hi there,

It is a poem with a message.

“How do you take you to the place you need to be”. This is about mindset. Recalling a time when you were happy, confident or in a good place. It is to get the reader thinking that if things are not going so well what can they do to change this. “What is it that you need” is to get the reader thinking for themselves. What is it that they need, support, fun, whatever, it is their thoughts. The reader has the answers they just need to look at what is clouding their mind. By thinking positively they can help and heal themselves. I know this from personal experience. If you think you are coming down with a cold and say this out loud, guess what, you get a cold. So the message is by thinking positively you can help yourself whatever your situation.

bakkiesbotha

hyperone wrote: »

Hi there,

It is a poem with a message.

“How do you take you to the place you need to be”. This is about mindset. Recalling a time when you were happy, confident or in a good place. It is to get the reader thinking that if things are not going so well what can they do to change this. “What is it that you need” is to get the reader thinking for themselves. What is it that they need, support, fun, whatever, it is their thoughts. The reader has the answers they just need to look at what is clouding their mind. By thinking positively they can help and heal themselves. I know this from personal experience. If you think you are coming down with a cold and say this out loud, guess what, you get a cold. So the message is by thinking positively you can help yourself whatever your situation.

Have you read / heard this one, by David Hasselhoff?

Some people stand in the darkness
Afraid to step into the light
Some people need to help somebody
When the edge of surrender’s in sight..

Don’t you worry!
Its gonna be alright
‘cause I’m always ready,
I won’t let you out of my sight.

I’ll be ready (I’ll be ready)
Never you fear (no don’t you fear)
I’ll be ready
Forever and always
I’m always here.

In us we all have the power
But sometimes its so hard to see
And instinct is stronger than reason
It’s just human nature to me..

Don’t you worry!
Its gonna be alright
‘cause I’m always ready,
I won’t let you out of my sight.

I’ll be ready (I’ll be ready)
Never you fear (no don’t you fear)
I’ll be ready
Forever and always
I’m always here.

‘Cause I’m always ready
I won’t let you out of my sight!

I’ll be ready (I’ll be ready)
Never you fear (no don’t you fear)
I’ll be ready
Forever and always
I’m always here.

Forever and always
I’m always here.

geuro

No need to be so rude bakkiesbotha, it's not constructive it's just offensive.

Clearly this is a simple poem, not a sermon. Where one person may see a cliché another person may discover a striking figure of speech.

Insect Overlord

bakkiesbotha wrote: »

Is this a poem? Or a message? Or a sermon? Or just some empty cliches strung together and typeset in a vaguely poetic looking format?

geuro wrote: »

No need to be so rude bakkiesbotha, it's not constructive it's just offensive.

Clearly this is a simple poem, not a sermon. Where one person may see a cliché another person may discover a striking figure of speech.

I have to side with bakkiesbotha on this one. The poem reads to me exactly as he describes it, "clichés".

I appreciate the sentiment the OP is trying to convey. It's rare enough to see such an explicitly positive message in poetry.
However, having both experienced depression first-hand and seen it in others close to me, I cannot take the poem's suggestion seriously. Control of one's own emotions and situations is not absolute. But, that's a philosophicalc debate for another day.

The problems with this poem are not confined to the message alone. Every single line reads like something I've seen or heard too often before. I believe that poetry should (to some degree) encourage us to see from a new perspective that with which we are familiar. This poem, via the over-use of tired phrases, fails to do that.

hyperone

Hi there,

Thanks for taking your time to send me the poem. I think I will revise the first verse of my poem. I will go for a walk and see what words come to me. The second last line of the poem I added in the word “heal”. Originally this was omitted. But speaking from personal experience I have healed myself and I wanted to get the message out there in a positive way. Just thought to mention there is a fascinating ground breaking film called The Living Matrix on the 5th of November. This is taken from the website “In this full-length film The Living Matrix - The Science of Healing we bring you breakthroughs that will transform your understanding of how to get well and stay well”.



I thank you for your feedback. Everybody has their own interpretations of what they see and what they think. Sometimes it is not what you see, but how you see it and what meaning it has for you. If there were 10 people in a room and each one had to talk about the same topic, everyone would have a different take on this. What I am interested in, is what I can learn from this such as “over use of tired phases”. I have no idea what this means. It is also interesting to note that the interpretation of this poem is depression, where my interpretations are that the reader is confused at the beginning, or something has happened in the readers life, something is gone wrong, could be minor, could be major. But they know that need to fix this, they don’t know how at first but in the end they have the solutions. The answers are within themselves. Looking back now, I can understand how the interpretation came about where I have used the line” Are you feeling down in the dumps?” – I might revise this. It was also interesting to read that “It's rare enough to see such an explicitly positive message in poetry. Why is this? .