Dont know what to do

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Just looking for a bit of advice as i really have no one else to talk to. I recently found out my girlfriend of a few years has being texting another guy. Flirting arranging "dirty" meet ups etc., when i confronted her she said it was just harmless fun and they never met. Swore to me i was the one and promised it would never happen again. Yet im pretty sure she is still in contact with him. I am positive she never met him.

I was gutted beyond belief and to be honest it still hurts like hell when i think about it. I really think she loves me, but our sex life has been in the can for years. I honestly feel in my heart that i just don't do it for her. Looks wise, sexual wise (You get the idea).

Yet she had no problem getting a thrill from someone else. I really dont know what to do, it would kill me to leave her, but i feel deep down that the longer we stay together the more she will become distanced.

Im trying to put on a brave face at the minute, but inside im torn to pieces. We have talked plenty of times but nothing has ever changed. At this stage im fresh out of ideas.

Sorry if this post is a rambling mess, but i think i kinda my pint across. Any opinions are appreciated!

Thanks for reading.

turgon

Its my opinion that in relationships a lot of things such as fighting etc are just an expression of discontentment about the relationship. I would see your gf texting "dirty" with another in this same light. In other words shes obviously not happy in the relationship. Why else would she need some kind of fun/fulfillment from another person?

Its always tough, and the knee jerk reaction is to always try and hold onto the relationship. However its rarely anything but a downward slope. Will your girlfriend suddenly stop texting dirty and become fully loyal again for the foreseeable future? Or is it more likely that this "betrayal" will develop into something more serious? I am more inclined to think the latter.

Tbh its always hard to think outside of the present. At the end of the day though, staying in a half dysfunctional relationship (apologies if that is over exaggerating) isn't going to make you happy. There are plenty more girls out there and you shouldn't believe that your current gf is the only one you can ever be happy with.

Its obviously easy for me to talk. I know its hard.

VaioCruiser

OP - if you really want this girl then you have to sit her down and have it out with her. No dismissing it with a laugh by her.
Life is too short to just toss a special person aside at the first sign of trouble. If something is worth having then it is worth fighting for. So go and have it out with her.

If she doesn't come through, then at least you will have done everything you could.

All the best

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, I want to fight for her. I can't just throw it away, she means too much to me Im sure she feels the same for me as i do for her.

The problem is we have talked about these things before, about changes and so on. But we rarely get intimate. This i feel is the reason for the texting etc., we have been stuck in a rut for quite a while now and i think things need spicing up a bit.

I still have no clue what to do, but i do feel better having got it off my chest. Maybe i just need to throw caution to the wind, try something new and hope it relights a flame.

turgon

Indeed, getting stuck in a rut and getting bored is the worst things that can happen. Its best to not hang out around the house and get out and do something different anytime you can.

kjl

Dump her, she sounds terrible. I would have it out with her, tell her that is she is going to make a mockery of your relationship then she can f&*k off.

take her phone off her and delete this guy off it

sachamama

I'm sorry OP but this does sound like something you have to face. if the thrill is gone and she wants a thrill, if not this guy, then it will be someone else. So face this one down and look it in the eye.

talk to her, find out what's going wrong between you and her in the bedroom and talk about whether or not it can be sorted out. if it can, if she thinks it can, then make plans, have some fun with it. talk about your fantasies, share things that perhaps neither of you knew about the other one. maybe go away for a weekend together if you can afford to. see it as a fresh start. or at least understand where you are in the relationship and see if you have a future together.

but hiding from it or deleting a contact from her phone without her knowing, is not the answer.

OS119

Hi OP,
the only reasons she's done this is because she's bored with the relationship she has with you, and maybe needing an ego boost telling her that she's still desirable.

that doesn't mean its not very serious in of itself, and that you'd be well within your rights to see this a deal-breaker, but imvho, this is a symptom, not something that's sprung-up from nowhere.

without talking to her you won't know if she's bored with you, or whether she's bored with the relationship you have - if she decides to tell all, you come up with a plan and you still want to be with her, then you can make a go of it and see where you end up - on the other hand, if she refuses to engage and be distressingly frank about why she's not getting her jollies from you, then realisticly this is going nowhere, and you'd be best of out of it.

sorry, but nothing you hear from this girl is going to be fun listening - if you're very hurt, it may just be worth binning it now, and not even having the conversation.