Chris de Burgh Vs The Irish Times

Euro_Kraut

War has broken out been Ireland greatest showman ever (Sonny Knowles excepted) and the Europe premiers newpaper (Weekly Sport excepted).

There can be no middle ground in this vitrol. Who side are you on?

*Some great lines in here including 'it must be so poisonous to have to lurk in the shadows, riffling through the garbage bins of despair'

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/features/2009/0911/1224254268225.html

Dear Mr Crawley,

I rarely read reviews, but as yours was sitting on my kitchen table, and after three sold-out shows in the Gaiety Theatre, I thought I should have a look at it; after all, receiving a favourable review in The Irish Times is about as likely as . . . well, receiving a favourable review in The Irish Times!!

I was not disappointed. How the fond memories came flooding back, more than 30 years of them; you must have a Lexicon of Handy Insults, because you managed to use many of the same ones that have been used so many times before, and still they make me smile at their continued lack of imagination. “Small man . . . shudder . . . warbly tenor . . . mawkish balladeer . . . cringe factor . . . squeaky clean . . . snigger . . . cheesy” etc – yes, they were all there, as used by many of your colleagues before, such as Joe Breen (who, I note, has been put out to pasture in the wine section, and I am assured by friends in the wine trade that he knows as much about wine as he did about music – precious little. I wonder what they have in mind for you in your dotage? Searing critiques of primary school Christmas plays perhaps, or judging knife-sharpening competitions in Sligo?).

Being a theatre critic and not a music critic, you must have strayed into the Gaiety by mistake last Monday night, possibly looking for the rear entrance to Neary’s pub, but you certainly arrived with the word “prejudice” burned into your furrowed brow. How it must have galled you to hear the rapturous welcome I received at the start of the show; how you must have writhed at every standing ovation; how you must have cringed at every call of “Chris, we love you”; how you must have felt isolated as the audience rose to their feet as one, singing, dancing and shouting out for more; how you must have growled to yourself as you left, surrounded by so many happy people, to make your curmudgeonly way to the safety of the street outside. You really should look up the word “entertainment” again, you might be surprised to see that it is all about people having a GOOD TIME!! Your churlish review is an insult to all those who enjoyed their night out, and in these days of collapsing newspaper sales and an entire new generation on the way who will get their information online, you may be looking for another job sooner rather than later. Your pals in the pub must have loved your review, but it seems that you are universally loathed in the theatre world. A leading impresario has described you as “puffed up with his own self-importance”, and a much-loved and successful actress refers to you as “that loathsome little turd”. Great accolades, to be sure.

And what of you and your future ambitions? Will you continue to be an occasional critic in a country with the population of Greater Manchester, or are you, like so many of your colleagues, about to write a book/play/film script/biography? If so, I would be delighted to attend the opening/launch/ premiere. To have gone to the Gaiety with your mind made up is unprofessional of course, but to totally ignore what actually happened and launch a personal attack is so transparent that any reader can see that it was pointless even writing it, as you were the only person who attended the show that night who didn’t ACTUALLY WANT TO BE THERE!! As I have always had a very positive attitude towards life, I have sympathy for your position, as it must be so poisonous to have to lurk in the shadows, riffling through the garbage bins of despair and avoiding those who think that you are an irrelevance, an irritation to be ignored and laughed about.

I would be very happy to meet with you and pursue these ideas further, but I suspect that you, like so many others of your kind, would lack the courage, like a dog that snarls and barks from a distance yet cowers and runs away at the first sight of reaction. Anyway, the offer is there.

Finally, whatever happens in your career, let me wish you a long and happy life, all the best,

Chris de Burgh

PS We were wondering by way of explanation and as you seem to portray yourself as a bitter and unfulfilled man, were you much teased by your school chums in the schoolyard and called “Creepy Crawley”? I think we should be told!

The oringinal reveiw

PETER CRAWLEY

The stage lights flare and crackle like an electrical storm. Music swells and surges in a crescendo of anticipation. It is an introduction worthy of the second coming, or perhaps the moment in a sci-fi movie when the spaceship door finally opens. Instead, though, a small man appears in suit trousers and a white shirt, giving a little wave, like a businessman happy to have finished a long day of conference calls.

This man is Chris de Burgh. You may have heard of him. The name alone summons a rush of associations, some of which carry a shudder, few of which fail to draw a smile. There is that warbly tenor, the calling card of the mawkish balladeer (“I have never seen that dress you’re wearing . . . ”) which switches at the faintest invitation into a throaty belt: “DON’T PAY THE FERRYMAN!” There is that haircut, long at the back and wispy up front, entirely unruffled by 34 years in the music biz.

And of course there is that cringe factor, unalleviated by the man’s apparent earnestness: his slightly tarnished squeaky clean persona, his claims to heal people with his hands, his indelible association with a time of shoulder pads and enormous hair. In short, it’s easy to snigger at de Burgh. But while he certainly gives us some reason – “I often wonder where religion came from,” goes one introduction, as though he is considering starting one – any embarrassment we feel says more about us than him.

In a set piled high with oldies – Missing You, Spanish Train, Sailing Away , each delivered with cheesy synths and clean guitars – even the newies are throwbacks, cover versions culled from his latest album, Footsteps. What de Burgh brings to Turn, Turn, Turn, All Along The Watchtower or The Long and Winding Road is not easy to fathom – everything is transformed into the same MOR mulch.

Nonetheless, de Burgh will routinely pause the show and step forward to bask in his applause. “You have no idea how it feels to stand here, with all this love coming this way,” he tells us. Returning the favour, presumably, he departs the stage for Lady in Red , invading boxes and draping himself over audience members, some of whom have worn red for the occasion. Certain toes will never uncurl after this experience, but it is almost admirable how unaltered de Burgh has remained by the flow of time. You may have grown out of seeking epic significance in the portentous verses of Spanish Train, you may greet Patricia the Stripper with the same mortification as a faded photo of yourself. This is because you’ve changed. Chris de Burgh has not.

First published last Thursday, September 3rd

JerryHandbag

Chris was cool enough for BellX1 to mention in a song of theirs. They were probably just havin a laugh though!

Wibbs

Have to say I'm on DeBurghs side. Good letter. Like him or loathe him and his music he has been bloody popular for a helluva long time. I recall some charity gig or other way back in the 80's where he was playing and he came out and went through one of his hits and the crowd went wild. Bono apparently commented in a nice way with a nod to his popularity along the lines of "sh*t we have to follow that?"

There's a few like him. Cliff richard would be another one. Defo not my bag by any stretch but he has a huge following and decades under his belt. What was the Crawley bloke expecting? Led Zep reformed?

Kiera

Fair play to Chris, its great to see someone standing up to those vile critics.

AnonoBoy

Maybe he should use his healing hands on the reviewer and that would sort him out.

sceptre

receiving a favourable review in The Irish Times is about as likely as . . . well, receiving a favourable review in The Irish Times

I'll bet he got an A in algebra.

a country with the population of Greater Manchester

Spot the guy born in Argentina.

Having said that, he's got a point. Was the review in the reviews section or the features section? Because it wasn't much of a review and I've noticed the quality of the reviews section of the Times dropping quite a bit in recent times, especially as it happens, in the Theatre section. Which is annoying, because I've done some very good reviews for lesser publications and some of the Times reviewers can't write. I'd much prefer to see them take the time and make an effort.

4zn76tysfajdxp

sceptre wrote: »

I've done some very good reviews for lesser publications and some of the Times reviewers can't write.

We'll be the judge of that. Come on sceptre, let us review your reviews. I swear we wont be harsh.

General Zod

In reeeeeeed corner, Chris "The Travelling Spaceman" De Burgh

Crawley all the way on this one. At least Crawley actually reviewed what went on on stage, and didn't start referring to other things in De Burgh's past outside of his music. Crawley took the high ground, De Burgh ended up churning out playground-esque insults like "so and so (who he doesn't name, BTW) thinks you're a turd", before actually resorting to a playground insult "Creepy Crawley".


De Burgh, in the unlikely event you google your own name to see what is being written about you (actually, I wouldn't put it past you, you odious little man), your music is terrible, and your daughter is the perfect example of everything that was wrong with Celtic Tiger Ireland. Retire back to your multiple chateaux and disappear back into the world you created for yourself where you think your music was ever relevant or good.

phasers

Chris De Burgh's daughter is a ride, so I guess him

Donny5

The review is very scathing. I can see why Chris de Burgh was annoyed. Will Peter Crawley respond?

4zn76tysfajdxp

phasers wrote: »

Chris De Burgh's daughter is a ride, so I guess him

Wait 'til you see Crawley's. I mean, whoa! What a fox!

Fratton Fred

Love him or loath him, Chris De burgh sells out all his concerts, has sold millions of records world wide, has a big passionate fan base and is, to put it mildly, minted. I would say Chris is laughing last and loudest.

How can people possibly criticise him tbh, ok, you might not like his music, but a lot of people obviously do.

sceptre

Amanda Colossal Greenhouse wrote: »

We'll be the judge of that. Come on sceptre, let us review your reviews. I swear we wont be harsh.

Amanda Colossal Greenhouse banished forever to the Phantom Zone for being a wannabe "loathsome little turd":D

General Zod

In reeeeeeed corner, Chris "The Travelling Spaceman" De Burgh

Fratton Fred wrote: »

How can people possibly criticise him tbh, ok, you might not like his music, but a lot of people obviously do.

Mr. Blobby has the same amount of UK Number 1's as Chris De Burgh.

4zn76tysfajdxp

sceptre wrote: »

Frada banished forever to the Phantom Zone for being a wannabe "loathsome little turd":D

What? No I amn'-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

humberklog

Fratton Fred wrote: »

Love him or loath him, Chris De burgh sells out all his concerts, has sold millions of records world wide, has a big passionate fan base and is, to put it mildly, minted. I would say Chris is laughing last and loudest.

How can people possibly criticise him tbh, ok, you might not like his music, but a lot of people obviously do.

34 years in the business, huge fan base in Ireland in the 80's, hasn't done that many shows here in 10 years and then does 3 nights in the Gaeity...passionate fan base is as maybe, big? hardly.

I think this is just another doff of the cap to this badly misjudged 80's revival. Sooner this awful fashion phase is over the better.

coconut5

The critics think they can print what they like about people from their place high up in the clouds in the land of pretention and snobbery. Fair play to him for giving Crawley his own critique back.

humberklog

coconut5 wrote: »

The critics think they can print what they like about people from their place high up in the clouds in the land of pretention and snobbery. Fair play to him for giving Crawley his own critique back.

A critic is hardly going to call De Burgh's schlock anything other than what it is. If he wrote glowingly about his music and style more people reading the article would think that Crawley head received a head injury.

coconut5

Fair enough, but that doesn't mean Chris de Burgh doesn't have the right to respond. If they can dish it out, they should be able to take it as well.

fatmammycat

By the same token, if you go to a CdB concert, what can you expect? He is playing to his audience- correctly it seems. To be critical of that using the language Crawley used does seem a bit churlish.

humberklog

Two good posts and points. Both blokes are doing their jobs and what makes it better is that one is biting back. Sure that's brilliant, more of it from other artists and more of this aggressive honesty from our own home grown critics about Irish artists (ok cdb is Argie but Irish too).
Nothing more annoying than reading fodder from critics only commenting to please the Irish artist, such as Fanning per se.

Tough criticism alright, good response by CdB. Something for everyone now.

Euro_Kraut

fatmammycat wrote: »

By the same token, if you go to a CdB concert, what can you expect? He is playing to his audience- correctly it seems. To be critical of that using the language Crawley used does seem a bit churlish.

I have to agree with you. De Burgh puts on the exact same show for the exact same people. Its harmless. I don't think you can review a concert like that through the same lens as, say, a Coldplay concert. Its like review a musical and giving out that the songs and plot line hasn't changed in 20 years.

Crawley comes across as very pretentious. Then again he was sent there a music critic. Some of his observations were very lazy however. He derides de Burgh for lacking any new material or style yet the line he has taken in the review is the same one that has been peddled for year about de Burgh. There is nothing new or insightful in his observations.

humberklog

I thought Coldplay was Chris de Burgh, or the other way around.

Capt'n Midnight

General Zod wrote: »

Mr. Blobby has the same amount of UK Number 1's as Chris De Burgh.

But Mr Blobby didn't sell 50,000,000 records before getting that No. 1

Aidric

I seem to remember Crawley guesting quite a bit on The View on RTE. His popmous overtones seemed to eminate clearly from the screen so I have no doubt he regards himself highly.
Credit to De Burgh for responding although the ps took from the letter, I thought.

abouttobebanned

Yet another critic trying to get in with the cool kids.

Chris De Burgh is actually a superb song writer and I can only imagine the frustration someone like him would feel when someone, someday decides that you are now "uncool and actually cringeworthy"

I really hate personal attacks. Performers, and people in the public eye, whether they're local djs, musicians, artists soccer players or whatever, are human too and have the same frailties as everyone else and also the same insecurities.

I wonder how Peter Crawley would feel if Stephen Fry wrote a scathing review of his writing ability. Just a thought.

The ability to not care about what people think of you is a rare and precious one...and alo one that is enjoyed by very few people.

javaboy

humberklog wrote: »

A critic is hardly going to call De Burgh's schlock anything other than what it is. If he wrote glowingly about his music and style more people reading the article would think that Crawley head received a head injury.

The review should be done in context. You don't dwell on the character development in a slasher film or on what the latest Pixar kid's flick says about society.
In this case, the reviewer's not asked for his opinion. He's asked to review a concert. We all know Chris is cheese. All the reviewer has to do is tell us whether it was good or bad cheese.

Dunder Mifflin

Not a fan of Chris in the slightest but that reviewer sounds like a right arse.

Fair play to him, it was a good reply.

mike65

Good to see Mr DeBurgh getting backed here.

Can't stand his music or patter (At least he supporters the right football team!) but what pisses me off far more than Lady in Red is a critic who goes to a performace knowing perfectly well he/she is going to put the knife in regardless of the quality as they just don't like them. Of course that raises the issue of the editor who sent the hack in question. But then I imagine the IT doesn't knowlingly employ the kind of people who would openly express a likeing for the short Argentinan born chappie. So they sent Peter Crawley.

General Zod

In reeeeeeed corner, Chris "The Travelling Spaceman" De Burgh

abouttobebanned wrote: »

Yet another critic trying to get in with the cool kids.

Chris De Burgh is actually a superb song writer and I can only imagine the frustration someone like him would feel when someone, someday decides that you are now "uncool and actually cringeworthy"

Furture civilisations will one day find a copy of "Patricia the Stripper" and decide that we did indeed deserve to nuke ourselves into oblivion.

I really hate personal attacks.

Crawley kept his to a minimum, De Burgh's letter was almost entirely, "I'm really great, and you were called names in school".

javaboy

Poll added for the fun of it. Our very own Community Manager Darragh has blogged this story btw: http://www.culch.ie/2009/09/10/chris-de-burgh-responds-to-peter-crawleys-negative-irish-times-review/

General Zod

In reeeeeeed corner, Chris "The Travelling Spaceman" De Burgh

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

But Mr Blobby didn't sell 50,000,000 records before getting that No. 1

Neither did De Burgh.

copacetic

General Zod wrote: »

Crawley kept his to a minimum, De Burgh's letter was almost entirely, "I'm really great, and you were called names in school".

rubbish, he phrased the whole 'review' as a personal attack. Not much time for deBurgh myself, but he is what he is.

The reviewer obviously felt he was a soft target for mindless abuse dressed up as a review and thought there would be no response as the general view in his circles is the same. He went into the review with contempt for the singer and his audience. Might as well have sent him to review a heavy metal gig.

humberklog

javaboy wrote: »

The review should be done in context. You don't dwell on the character development in a slasher film or on what the latest Pixar kid's flick says about society.
In this case, the reviewer's not asked for his opinion. He's asked to review a concert. We all know Chris is cheese. All the reviewer has to do is tell us whether it was good or bad cheese.

Whilst you have a point I'm still falling on the flip side.
One dreary critic writing in one dreary newspaper about one dreary performer would just culminate in the usual drear that these three items squeeze out like a warm fart every day.
Obvious and as easy as the targets are it's still fun and a bit of a gee-up from these three typically dull as dishwater 'performers' are.

Good on Creepy Crawley for poking one in the eye, good on Creepy De Burgh for swift kick in the shins back and good on the Creepy Times for housing the school playground. More of it please especially from this triumverate of drearyness. They may as well be doing this bit of tomfoolery than thinking people are taking them serious.
These emperors have no clothes and it's fun watching them in the mud bath. I do hope it continues.

javaboy

humberklog wrote: »

Whilst you have a point I'm still falling on the flip side.
One dreary critic writing in one dreary newspaper about one dreary performer would just culminate in the usual drear that these three items squeeze out like a warm fart every day.
Obvious and as easy as the targets are it's still fun and a bit of a gee-up from these three typically dull as dishwater 'performers' are.

Good on Creepy Crawley for poking one in the eye, good on Creepy De Burgh for swift kick in the shins back and good on the Creepy Times for housing the school playground. More of it please especially from this triumverate of drearyness. They may as well be doing this bit of tomfoolery than thinking people are taking them serious.
These emperors have no clothes and it's fun watching them in the mud bath. I do hope it continues.

Now that's dry. You should do reviews yourself.

Sanjuro

Where's the 'they're both utter c**ts' option?

mehfesto2

In reeeeeeed corner, Chris "The Travelling Spaceman" De Burgh

Isn't a review just one person's view though?

Chris should be more than happy he's still making money out of old material. If he had new stuff (not covers) he has a right to be offended. However he put on a show for the fans/or the money. He shouldn't care about review if this is the case. He has made his fans happy and made a bucket. To hell with the review.

However for the music lover out there, a fair review is required. Which, I believe, was written. He hasn't done anything impressive, but stuck to the old reliables. This - if done by anyone, would warrant a poor review (see: any of the Eagles reviews from recent years)

However, I think CdB well overstepped the mark by insulting the reviewers location, the same size as "greater manchester" remark. Makes no differece. Poor shows will be as poor wherever they are played.

livingtargets

"....how you must have writhed at every standing ovation; how you must have cringed at every call of “Chris, we love you”..."

"PS We were wondering by way of explanation and as you seem to portray yourself as a bitter and unfulfilled man, were you much teased by your school chums in the schoolyard and called “Creepy Crawley”? I think we should be told!"

"...ACTUALLY WANT TO BE THERE!!"

The first quote here just sounds too Alan Partridgey.I mean "Chris,we love you.."?

His whole letter is just one step off "U R GHEY!!1!1!"

Equally well,yer man Crawley seems like a proper prick as well.

super_furry

In fairness, exactly what is the point of a Chris de Burgh review? It's not like he's going to branch out and suddenly offer up some death metal covers or throw in some big beat mixing. Pretty much everyone in the world knows what his concert is going to be like and the review is just a cheap excuse to sneer at the man and his fans.

Having said that, he is ****e.

sceptre

super_furry wrote: »

In fairness, exactly what is the point of a Chris de Burgh review? It's not like he's going to branch out and suddenly offering up some death metal covers or through in some big beat mixing.

Indeed not. Although Paul Young and Paul Anka pulled covers of Metallica and Nirvana respectively.

Having said that, he is ****e.

This will hurt you quite a bit:D:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XEVJp_Dksg

Muahahaha

Quint

The reviewer ovbiously hates CdB, he could have stayed at home and wrote the exact same review. Whatever happened on stage that night wasn't going to change what he was going to write.

Coriolanus

I've noticed the Times choice of reviewer to be ... lacking the past year or two, most noticeably in cinema but I guess music too (I don't read concert reviews.)
Can't remember the film, but a reviews first paragraph was literally "Well, this is the directors name, he did this and this and this and I really thought they were all crap. So lets watch his latest crap!"
Don't send a theatre critic to review CdB, don't send a French film noir aficionado to review a superhero flick etc etc.

Edit:

Noel McHale, MCD wrote:

The band was shít hot

That's kind of lolsome though. Hot Press has some extended coverage, including Creepy's reply.

http://www.hotpress.com/news/Chris%20de%20Burgh%20takes%20on%20Irish%20Times%20reviewer%20Peter%20Crawley/5806565.html

Dudess

Ok, insults aren't necessary, but the reviewer gave his opinion - that is what reviews are. If you're a performer you have to accept some people won't like you.
Chris gave more than as good as he got with the insults btw.

And also, I can never understand how "loads of fans" = "therefore good"...

Plus, to say the reviewer is trying to be "cool"? Seriously? Maybe he just thinks, as I and many others do, that Chris De Burgh is... sh1te?