Grumpy Old Men - A Homage

mrmac

Long time lurker, so I'm aware that this may have some repercussions, but "... I don't give a jot"

A Grumpy Old Man - Tony Jennett

I'm old and I'm bitter, with nothing to fear
So I hope I offend you by bending your ear.
It's my one joy in life - you can like it or not
No answer in edgeways? I don't give a jot
I've railed and I've raved since my dotage began
It's my privilage 'cos I'm a grumpy old man

And as I grow older; it's life I suppose:
But more and more things just get right up my nose
Like young mums with their kids and their stupid wee dollies
Who chat; blocking the aisles with their damned shopping trolleys
I barge my way past; just as rough as I can
So the bitches will know I'm a grumpy old man

And those tear-arse young drivers who must overtake
Then go at speeds lower than I want to make
No tail-gating for me and I don't use my horn
But I heartily wish that they'd never been born
And I see hades open to eat car or van
That did it, because I'm a grumpy old man

And I hate all those worthies who avert their eyes
Because I've forgotten to zip up my flies
I excuse myself saying 'It's quite plain to see
' I'll have far less bother the next time I pee
'In the human race maybe I'm just 'Also ran'
'But I don't give a toss - I'm a gumpy old man'

There's food down my shirt-front and some in my beard
Cos I eat off my knee and I don't think it's weird
When I lounge in my armchair while watching the telly
And my food drips unheeded all over my belly
It's a trait of the aged from here to Japan;
A perk just for being a Grumpy old man

I go apoplectic to hear people say
'Awesome' and 'Wicked' and 'Have a nice day'
The poor English language is brought to it's knees
And falls prostrate and screaming with phrases like these
They should be wrapped up neatly and flushed down the pan
But nobody heeds me: a grumpy old man

At my death just cremate me; I'm hoping to save
Somebody the labour of digging my grave
Set my ashes in concrete and on the urn write
' Here's a rebel whose aim was to put the world right
' He failed but what better memorial than
'A farewell salute to a grumpy old man'


Care to add to the grumpiness? What ticks you off, especially as you get older?