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How to help friend with cancer?

  • 10-09-2009 10:45pm
    #1
    Pixie4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 101 ✭✭


    Hi all!

    A good friend of mine found out recently that she has breast cancer and as you can imagine was devastated about it as were all her friends. I went to visit her and she is being so strong and so determined to beat it but something she said really made me wonder about some human beings. A person who she considered a good friend passed the comment that there is a stigma attached to people with cancer and asked her was she worried about people talking about it. Worse still she told her that she could never feel a proper woman again if it were her who had a breast removed.

    I feel so mad and angry that this "friend" can be so insensitive and so ignorant at such a vulnerable time in my friends life. I love her to bits and admire her so much for meeting this head on. I was just wondering what I can do for her? I am not going to insult her by pretending that I know how she feels because I don't. Has anybody any suggestions? Any books that might inspire her? All answers appreciated.

    Pixie
    xx


Comments

  • #2
    cocoloca
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18 ✭cocoloca


    I would just try to be their for your friend, let her know that you will be their for her if she needs you.
    As for your friend who said all those hurtful things I would let her know how hurtful they would be to hear if you were going through something like cancer. Sometimes people say things and do not realise how insensitive they are. It might make her be more aware of whats shes saying from now on.


  • #3
    Pixie4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 101 ✭✭Pixie4


    Thanks for that cocoloca. I hope she does know that I am there for her....as I do not know her other friend who made the comments personally, I can't give her a piece of my mind.


  • #4
    chuckles30
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,380 ✭✭✭chuckles30


    she might need some practical help too.....does she need lifts to the hospital for treatment? I can be hard on family members having to take time off constantly for this. Does she need children minded? or even elderly relatives? Does she need dinners cooked when she's feeling down after treatment? help around the house? Just be there to listen if that's all she needs.


  • #5
    CathyMoran
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,458 ✭✭✭CathyMoran


    That so called friend was very insensitive but some people just can not cope with cancer - it makes you face your own mortality and that is not easy to do - for some people there will always be a stigma about it. Be easy on her.

    When you have cancer you have the initial shock of diagnosis then the reality of treatment - it can take a lot out of you. Sometimes you just want to be "normal" whatever that is but sometimes you need to talk about your condition. There are a lot of books about cancer but I am not sure that living in "cancer world" even when you are relaxing is the best thing.

    On the practical side - being there for treatment sometimes would be great and after treatment she may be very tired so someone to check in on her would be great.

    You sound like a great friend - she is lucky to have you in her life.


  • #6
    Colonel_McCoy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 751 ✭✭✭Colonel_McCoy


    All you can be is a goodfriend. support them, be there for them if and when they need to talk.


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  • #7
    Pixie4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 101 ✭✭Pixie4


    Thank you to one and all for taking the time to offer your suggestions-I will certainly take all on board. Thanks again

    Pixie
    xx


  • #8
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Hi OP,
    I would treat my friend the same way I would if they had ANY serious illness. Id also tell her that the loss of a breast is NOTHING compared to the loss of a life. And I would help her investigate alternate options (like dummy breasts for use in bras so she doesnt look lopsided etc..). Id shy away from nothing and allow her to express whatever she wants to - you dont have to have experienced the issue yourself to show empathy.

    As for the idiot who made the insensitive comments, well I would feel sorry for someone whose definition of being a woman is based just on having two breasts.

    There may be reconstructive surgeries your friend could look at further down the line if she so wished so that may be something she might like to discuss after this is all behind her.

    Basically just be there for her and maybe look into support groups she could attend if she needs to speak to others who have gone through similar.


  • #9
    Pixie4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 101 ✭✭Pixie4


    Thank you username123.

    I am going to visit her during the week once she is over the latest surgery....found a good book that takes a "lighthearted" view at cancer not that I would ever consider it lighthearted but hopefully it might cheer her up a bit. I am going to look into support groups in our area...hadn't thought of that so thanks for all the suggestions.

    Pixie
    xx


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