Why do i always have to organise things?

LegacyUser

Hi folks, going unreg for this one!

I've been seeing a girl now for a couple of months. It started off pretty casual just texting and meeting each when we were out, but after a while we both said we would like to take things further and make it a relationship. So we are "officially" going out about a month now. I am slightly older than her, theres 5 years between us. But thats not the problem. My problem is that it always seems to be me that organises things between us. For example I am always suggesting doing something like going to see a film or going out for something to eat. And to be honest I am getting slightly p***** off always asking her!! She has said to me before we made things official that she wanted to be able to spend time with her mates and thats cool with me. The last relationship I was in, I lost touch with a lot of mates because I never got to see them due to a clingy girlfriend. I dont want this to happen again either. I also dont want to seem too pushy to her either in that I am always plaguing her to do something. But I would just love it if for once she organised something! Maybe its because she wants to spend time with her mates or maybe shes just too used to me doing it for her! I know she likes me, she wouldnt be going out with me if she didnt so what should i do??

Dankoozy

break up seems to be the standard answer in this forum

Nevyn

Tell her that it's her turn to organise your next date.

kjl

have you though about talking to her about it?

COMMUNICATION is actually the solution to most of the problems on this forum

Dankoozy

kjl wrote: »

have you though about talking to her about it?

COMMUNICATION is actually the solution to most of the problems on this forum

it surely is but "break up" seems to be the standard reply to everything here

it would be like saying 'format c:' is the solution to everything in the windows forum. people don't know, so they just say break up. of course they are right in one way but it's an overkill solution

Wibbs

That's all very well, but on thread is not the place to discuss what "most advice is here". Please take it to feedback or the Helpdesk if you feel the need for that debate. It's not helpful to the OP. Thanks

zero_nine

In my opinion it is your job to organise everything, you're the man and you should be happy to wear the trousers. I am a man and thats what I do.

thats our lot as men.

lifelonglufc

Am slight suggestion here, and maybe I'm way off the mark but have you ever asked her to plan something or talked to her about it?! Maybe instead of talking about it here!!

LegacyUser

Hi OP here. Yeah lifelonglufc, the best option would be to just talk to her about it but thats not exactly the irish thing to do is it!! I think I'll just not organise anything and just leave it until she suggests something to do. If she's really that fussed on doing something she'll let me know!

LegacyUser

Currently have a similar problem tho a not at the going out stage.

Told her yesterday that its her turn to organise things and that ill talk to her then

Best to know where you stadn

Good luck

Sineadg

I'd expect the man to organise most things to be honest, especially at that early stage, unless there was something I really wanted to do. Can't really explain why but I would just see it more as his role. I never thought it would cheese him off if I didnt organise something! Must bear that in mind for the future.
I wouldnt necessarily have a confrontation with her about it, or make too big a deal out of it, but no harm in saying to her that it's her turn next.

Jood

Right I'm very bossy thats just the way I am and also I'm a perfectionist so when it comes to organising things its normally me who does it. The last guy I was seeing was so laid back he was almost horizontal and it bugged me cos I felt he wasnt taking an interest. So after orgainising and suggesting almost all of our dates, I said wouldnt it be fun if we took turns organising something and didnt tell the other person what we were doing. He did really well with that and also it was exciting!

SarahSassy

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi OP here. Yeah lifelonglufc, the best option would be to just talk to her about it but thats not exactly the irish thing to do is it!! I think I'll just not organise anything and just leave it until she suggests something to do. If she's really that fussed on doing something she'll let me know!

Wha? Why bother asking then????

As suggested above you just say ' your turn to organise our next night out'.

BKtje

Just out of curiosity does she know the city/town you're in? When i met my o/h she was VERY knew to the city (like a week :P ) and consequently didn't really know anywhere to go or have anyone to ask what might be good apart from me.

I've now moved with her back to her country and for a while it was the same but in reverse.

That said there are universal things like cinemas or walks in the park or whatever or even a film night in.

Best to talk to her anyway and tell her how you feel.

Id say she's just leaving it to you because you're the guy. Tell her you'd like her to organise things sometimes, I dont see how she'd mind. She probably just has no idea that you feel she should be doing it too.