Mum wants to kick me out.

LegacyUser

I had a huge row with my mother this morning.
It started off with her getting bitchy at me over something to do with a doctors appointment I didn't go to because I'm afraid of needles.
Then I asked if my brother went to school this morning. She said no he didn't. Then suddenly she started shouting at me saying it was all my fault my brother has bad attendance at school because I don't have a job and I'm a bad example. Me and my bf live in my parents house at the moment. He's on jobseekers allowance, I'm still waiting to be assessed. We've both been around looking for courses and jobs but we haven't heard anything back from anyone. We don't know what else to do. He pays my parents some of the money he gets each week to help with the bills. We were told it was fine and once I got sorted out I could pay half and he pay half and they were ok with us living here. Once we could help out with the bills it was ok.

So anyway my mum starts shouting and roaring at me saying I was a bad example, I'm useless and I wont get anywhere and how if my bf loses his money she'll kick us out and doesn't care where we end up. This is really pissing me off because one minute she's saying how she knows it's hard to get jobs, the next she's telling me I can't get a job because I'm useless and expects me to get one straight away.
I kept trying to talk to her but she wouldn't listen so I lost the head with her and started shouting back at how all she does is sit on her arse all day and watch repeats of f*cking soap operas and how she should try looking for a job for once so then she'd know how hard we're finding it. Her response was "I don't have to. I'm entitled to sit around all day doing nothing and there's nothing you can do about it".

My mum said that my brother complains about me and the bf being at home and says that's why he wont go in. I spoke to my brother and he says it's bullsh*t. He said us being at home doesn't bother him and he just feels sick some mornings. I had the same problem because I was nervous. I remember trying to talk to my mum about it and all she did was shout and call me useless.
Also, if she wants us to buy something she'll lie instead of just asking us. A couple of times she's said stuff like "oh your brother wants new clothes and runners but he's too afraid to ask you so he told me to ask you instead. So wont you buy him this and that while you're out?". So I asked my brother, he had no idea what I was talking about. So we don't buy anything, she gets bitchy and tries to make me feel guilty.

I've to wait for my dad to get home tonight and see what he says. I'm afraid she'll go tell him a load of lies and he'll boot us out or something. She's been acting like this for ages. If she's in a bad mood and there's just me and her in the room she'll start on me.

We'd move out but we've got nowhere to go. My bfs family live in England. We don't have much contact with them and we don't want to move over there.

Is there any place you can go to get help if I get kicked out?

Redpunto

surely you and your bf could find work somewhere - even if its at macdonalds, its your mas house - maybe your bf should move out till he finds a job

keen

It may be your Ma's house but that doesn't mean she can treat you the way she is. You come across as someone that isn't a lay about, your just a bit unfortunate at the moment with regards to employment/education.

If she agreed to let you and your boyfriend stay then it's unreasonable for her to hold that fact against you when she's moody.

Speak with your Dad as it's his house too and see what he says. You Mam sounds like she may be having some problems of her own and using you as a way of venting her anger/fustration.

Beruthiel

unreg111 wrote: »

Me and my bf live in my parents house at the moment.

There's your side of the story, there's your mothers and then there's the truth, somewhere in the middle.

The above comment jumped out at me.
Your parents must be both really nice, kind, relaxed people.
Why do I say that?
Because there's not a hope in hell that I would ever allow my daughters b/f to live under my roof.
That's not because I don't love my daughter, I do.
But, I love my space.
I love living in my house and walking around in my jocks if the mood takes me.
I worked hard to buy my own space and I expect the same from my daughter.
If she ever wanted to live with her b/f, she's more than welcome to go find their own place.

It is not possible for so many adults to live in a small space without cracks like this.
I get why your mother lost the rag, she's had enough of sharing her space.
You are an adult.
A parent expects their child to move out once they are an adult.
It's a healthy move.
You cannot grow as a person while still stuck under your parents roof. And your parents deserve to have their space back.

I suggest you calm down and the both of you make an effort to find any kind of job asap.
It's time to find your own space.

Lollipops23

Beruthiel hit the nail on the head; i would never expect my parents to allow my bf to live under their roof. It's just too much to ask.

And you're looking for Jobseekers benefit, it only takes like a week to be assessed?after that it's just a matter of processing which is the part that can take a while.

Your mam was out of line, certainly. But you're being a bit cheeky by expecting her to allow you and himself to shack up in her house imho.

i reckon either tell him to skidaddle or move out with him.

LegacyUser

I'm not expecting them to let us stay there. We were originally supposed to stay in the UK but there was trouble over there with his stepdad threatening us and I was going to go to college but my course got cancelled so they let us move back over here.

It's just one minute she's nice, the next she's telling us to get out. Before she was saying they rather we didn't move out because they liked having us here, then other times she's telling us she's going to kick us out. I'm sick of it.
I know she's pissed off at my brother missing school but she's trying to pin the blame on me and I have nothing to do with it.

I really would like to get my own place but I don't know where to go or what to do since we don't have enough money. She keeps accusing me of not making enough effort to find work when I've been looking everywhere I can. There's not much else I can do but keep looking.

And you're looking for Jobseekers benefit, it only takes like a week to be assessed?after that it's just a matter of processing which is the part that can take a while.

It was 4 months before my boyfriend was assessed for the jobseekers and another couple of months before he heard anything again after that.

SarahMc

4 adults in the one house, 3 of them not working - bound to be arguments. I think you and bf have outstayed your welcome, and its time for you to move out and make your own way in the world.

MizzLolly

unreg111 wrote: »

so I lost the head with her and started shouting back at how all she does is sit on her arse all day and watch repeats of f*cking soap operas and how she should try looking for a job for once so then she'd know how hard we're finding it.

While I sympathise with the situation you've described, the part I highlighted above is disgusting.

Firstly, your mother's raised both yourself and your brother since you were babies (and, apparently is still doing so with the addition of your boyfriend now aswell) You have no right whatsoever to speak to her that way. No parent should be made feel that they are undeserving of their own space/peace in the home they built for you to grow up in. She's raised you already, you're finished school, you're an adult (presumably, since you're old enough to be having an adult relationship with a live-in boyfriend) Your mother owes you nothing and certainly shouldn't be begrudged her soaps and relaxation in her own home. She's opened up her home to your boyfriend and you actually have the audacity to say the above to her? And then you come whinging here looking for advice? No matter what she's done to upset you, you cannot go into her home and start laying down the law. If you don't like how she is with you, move out. You're not a baby anymore and frankly, I can 100% understand why your mother is pissed off. You moved your partner into your family home, neither of you are working and then you have the cheek to tell her to get a job.

Normally I try to be a bit more sympathetic to PI threads but you have a hell of a lot of growing up to do. The way you spoke to your mother is sickening.

Emme

Time for you and the bf to move out and fend for yourselves. Rents are fairly cheap at the moment and I'm sure you could get sorted out with social welfare while you are looking for a job. It sounds like your parents place is too small to accommodate you all.

kittenkiller

How much does your bf get regularly?
Do you have any savings or anything to sell to raise some revenue?

There has to be somewhere affordable out there.
Rents are decreasing daily!

You're mum has the right to do what she likes in her house and if she chooses to pick on your and your bf taking advantage of her kind nature in letting you both live there (would 100% not happen in my house), she can!

If you're not going out every single day looking for a job or at least a days work somewhere, but rather just watching her watch her soaps as you wait to be assessed I'd kick you out before you knew what was happening to you.
It's a terrible example to your little brother!
What if he decides to move his new gf into the house and have neither of them working as well?
He'd have just the same entitlement as you, would he not?


Mutter mutter... My taxes going to support spoilt brats who don't work for a single thing they have, not even bothered to respect the woman who's providing practically free accomodation... Mutter mutter....

How Soon Is Now

Move out get a place of your own to be honest two yas probley have much better chance gettin somewhere if yous are on dole. Would ya not rather do your own thing anyway? i mean what age are u ?

I know if was me i would never have my girl living with me in me ma and da s place. I would need me own space with her get your own place do your own thing and no one your mother no one can say or do anything its your life your wasting it at moment living under your mothers rule.

As much as i love my family i would hate me ma and da watching my every move with me girlfriend its just not right to be honest. I dunno how hes doing it to be honest no money in world could make me move in with a girls family.

LegacyUser

I AM going out regularly and looking for work, so is my boyfriend. We are making as much effort as we can. People are saying to just move out and get my own place. How can I when I've got no money and I don't know where to go? My parents house isn't too small. We have our own room, we don't get in anybodys way. We go out during the day and look around, when we're at home we stay in our room.

I know she's my mother but she was shouting at me, calling me useless, a waste of space, accusing me of stuff I haven't done and I was trying to CALMLY talk to her but she kept interrupting me and wouldn't listen to anything I said. So I got upset and lost my temper too. She has done this a lot of times before. I can't talk to her. For example I remember a few years ago when I was getting bullied in school I tried to talk to her about it and all she did was shout at me and say it was all my fault. So I told nobody and had to put up with it myself. I can't communicate with her at all. Then when I try to tell anybody about it they say it's not a big deal and "people say things they don't mean sometimes". Nobody believes most of it except my boyfriend because he's seen it and my brother said she can be like that with him too.
You try and explain something to her and she doesn't listen. For example when my bf was still waiting on his allowance she kept telling us to go up to the social and demand to know when he was going to get it. So we did, they said it was out of their hands at the moment and they couldn't tell us anything, he'd just have to wait. We told her this and she says "You didn't make enough effort. Go up to them again."...so we did and got the same answer. We go back and she says the same thing again! It's the same with me and getting a job. She thinks if I harass them they'll give me one.

We were told we were welcome here and once we contribute we can stay for as long as we like. We don't want to stay here forever. We DO want to get our own place and that's why we are trying to find jobs or courses so we can save up, but at the moment we can't find anything.
I know it's not my house but one minute both my parents are telling us we've nothing to worry about and once we make the effort and can contribute some money we can stay (which is what we are doing now) and then randomly one day my mum is shouting at me and telling me "you better have a job by whenever or we'll kick you out". Then later on it's "no I didn't mean it". How is that fair?!

LegacyUser

Can a mod please lock this? I'm not going to check back anymore.
Thanks for the answers though.

Emme

unreg111 wrote: »

I AM going out regularly and looking for work, so is my boyfriend. We are making as much effort as we can. People are saying to just move out and get my own place. How can I when I've got no money and I don't know where to go? My parents house isn't too small. We have our own room, we don't get in anybodys way. We go out during the day and look around, when we're at home we stay in our room.

I know she's my mother but she was shouting at me, calling me useless, a waste of space, accusing me of stuff I haven't done and I was trying to CALMLY talk to her but she kept interrupting me and wouldn't listen to anything I said. So I got upset and lost my temper too. She has done this a lot of times before. I can't talk to her. For example I remember a few years ago when I was getting bullied in school I tried to talk to her about it and all she did was shout at me and say it was all my fault. So I told nobody and had to put up with it myself. I can't communicate with her at all. Then when I try to tell anybody about it they say it's not a big deal and "people say things they don't mean sometimes". Nobody believes most of it except my boyfriend because he's seen it and my brother said she can be like that with him too.
You try and explain something to her and she doesn't listen. For example when my bf was still waiting on his allowance she kept telling us to go up to the social and demand to know when he was going to get it. So we did, they said it was out of their hands at the moment and they couldn't tell us anything, he'd just have to wait. We told her this and she says "You didn't make enough effort. Go up to them again."...so we did and got the same answer. We go back and she says the same thing again! It's the same with me and getting a job. She thinks if I harass them they'll give me one.

We were told we were welcome here and once we contribute we can stay for as long as we like. We don't want to stay here forever. We DO want to get our own place and that's why we are trying to find jobs or courses so we can save up, but at the moment we can't find anything.
I know it's not my house but one minute both my parents are telling us we've nothing to worry about and once we make the effort and can contribute some money we can stay (which is what we are doing now) and then randomly one day my mum is shouting at me and telling me "you better have a job by whenever or we'll kick you out". Then later on it's "no I didn't mean it". How is that fair?!

That is the reason you should move out and get your own place. Take control of your life and don't be at the mercy of family who blow hot and cold. They'll respect you more for it in the long run.

Wibbs

unreg111 wrote: »

Can a mod please lock this? I'm not going to check back anymore.
Thanks for the answers though.

Locked by OP request.