I threw it away.... im such a fool...

LegacyUser

Been with the best bf a girl could ever ask for the last 3 years.
He was polite, sweet, adored me, great sense of humour, lots of friends, very comitted to me and us, made me his numebr one priorty.
But for the first year or so of our relationship i was messed up from an ex and didnt treat him like i should. I kissed someone else 6 months into our relationship. Told BF straight away and we worked through it. Then i started texting a boy i worked with who i clicked with. BF found out through mistakingly sending him a text instead of workboy one day.. again bf really hurt but we worked through it.
Relationship has been amazing the past 2 years. We have been on great holidays, developed our relationship so much we spoke about buying a house together.
Was out a month ago and this lad who was trying his case with me all night suddenly kissed me. I immediately pulled away but bf saw the second of a connection.
He dumped me, says there's no way back i broke his trust 3 times. He said that this incident on its own is nothing really but combined with the other 2 its not on.
I am lost. I dont want to exist any more. He says there's no hope and we'll never be together again.

Even writing this i see that im 100% to blame. Can trust be rebuilt? He says why give me so many chances - when do the chances stop?

So angry and upset over this last incident, it wasnt even my fault really - i didnt instigate it nor did i want it and i pulled straight away.

Feel sick.

puglover

ouch. wrote: »

Been with the best bf a girl could ever ask for the last 3 years.
He was polite, sweet, adored me, great sense of humour, lots of friends, very comitted to me and us, made me his numebr one priorty.
But for the first year or so of our relationship i was messed up from an ex and didnt treat him like i should. I kissed someone else 6 months into our relationship. Told BF straight away and we worked through it. Then i started texting a boy i worked with who i clicked with. BF found out through mistakingly sending him a text instead of workboy one day.. again bf really hurt but we worked through it.
Relationship has been amazing the past 2 years. We have been on great holidays, developed our relationship so much we spoke about buying a house together.
Was out a month ago and this lad who was trying his case with me all night suddenly kissed me. I immediately pulled away but bf saw the second of a connection.
He dumped me, says there's no way back i broke his trust 3 times. He said that this incident on its own is nothing really but combined with the other 2 its not on.
I am lost. I dont want to exist any more. He says there's no hope and we'll never be together again.

Even writing this i see that im 100% to blame. Can trust be rebuilt? He says why give me so many chances - when do the chances stop?

So angry and upset over this last incident, it wasnt even my fault really - i didnt instigate it nor did i want it and i pulled straight away.

Feel sick.

Oh come on, now you know you did wrong.

We all get guys trying it on with us and you stated yourself that he had been trying it on all night. If you are in a relationship, you remove yourself from the situation. You either take yourself out of this guys company or tell him out straight that you have a bf and are not interested.

You were obviously enjoying the attention and decided it was worth the risk, possibly even led him on?

In your bf's situation I'd be doing the same thing. You obviously don't have a lot of respect or consideration for him

FutureGuy

You hurt him twice before. The first time, you kissed someone in a deliberate act. The second time, you were texting a boy you clicked with which is just as bad in my book.

The third time, did you not give this guy a clear signal when he tried it on the first time that you had a boyfriend and you were very happy with him? When you say he was trying it on all night, was he around you all night or did you attempt to stay away from him.

I have no problem with my gf talking to other guys, but she has enough respect for me that she will stop talking with the guy is he is coming onto her.

Sorry, but if I was in your boyfriends shoes, I would probably have said the same.

You learned a lesson, move on and give your next boyfriend no reason to ever doubt your loyalty.

ManOfMystery

I have to agree with the above.

If you were out with your boyfriend, and somehow this other guy managed to be around you most of the night and get close enough to kiss you, what was going on?

If it was simply a case that he walked over and planted the lips on you from nowhere, then I'm surprised your bf didnt punch him. But by your bf's reaction, it sounds like this was something you could have put a stop to early in the night.

To be honest, it sounds like you love attention from other guys no matter how good your bf is - sorry if I'm wrong, but that's just how your post comes across. You admit yourself he's a fantastic boyfriend, yet you find yourself in 3 situations where other men are involved.

I have a fantastic girlfriend who I also can't fault, but I still have plenty of nites out with the lads and plenty of opportunities to play around - if I wanted to. I don't. So I don't ever engage in flirting, or texting other females, or doing anything which is more than being simply friendly to a female. I suggest you learn from your mistakes and follow this approach in future.

Wibbs

Trust is a funny one. It's not black and white and it's fluid over time. There are people, men and women that I like. Have a lot of time for them in many ways, but I wouldn't trust them in certain situations. More to the point I would trust them to be them. In a friend or acquaintance that's workable, but in a romantic partner no. There are more risks involved. The physical, like STD's and pregnancy and the emotional.

Your BF gave you enough chances and fair play to him. I would have been the same the first time it happened. Anyone can screw up, even the holier than thou brigade. The second time I would probably have left. Because you slipped 3 times it would look too much like a pattern for me and clearly him. It wouldn't just be the disloyalty aspect, it would also be the lack of self control present that when put under minimal pressure you go with the flow.

As for the lack of fault with this last incident. I'm 50/50 on that one. Shoot me down in flames but it's something I've seen in some women, particularly younger women, where they are afraid to "make a fuss" and want to be seen as "nice", fail to set down boundaries and get themselves in bad situations. The player types especially know this type. Keep her excited and under subtle emotional pressure and you'll get the snog or more and she'll only regret it after.

So now you're where you are. Trust is actually easy enough to grow with someone new. People being social animals tend to offer trust to new people quite easily, unless they've been burnt before. However after trust is lost with someone you know and are close to it is one of the very hardest things to rebuild. It needs time and consistency and the willingness of the other person to move forward. Your ex seems to not want to do that. Sadly you can't make him either. It has to come from him and it seems that bridge is burnt.

I think you have to come to terms with that at the moment. Who knows down the line, he may want to reconnect, but don't bet on that. For yourself you have to try to examine why you did and do things like this.

Each time seems to have different things involved. The first appears to be a holdover from an ex relationship and you had yet to work through that one. That particular one has passed with that ex, but be careful you don't do the same with someone new over this ex.

The second may have been the same. You were still in the ex phase and not fully involved with the BF at the time. Your head was turned by a work mate and rather than nipping it in the bud you started with the txt flirting. You have to look inside yourself and figure out the whys of that.

The last time is I think you're lack of boundaries and fear of saying no or removing yourself from a potentially dodgy situation.

All of them seem to stem from a certain lack of emotional self control and/or need for an ego boost. Why do you think that is? What are the triggers for that? Why did you feel not attached enough to your partner that this happened? they would be the questions I would be asking myself and the answers should help you the next time.

My 2 cents anyway.

metalgear2k2

3 strikes and your out, get over it and move on. ur lucky he took u back once, twice was a bit mad but 3 times, not happening.

Colonel_McCoy

I agree with all of the above, you were given two chances and then finally you let a guy kiss you while you were out with your bf. I find hard to believe that it just happened, was he walking along tripped on a stool and his tongue fell into your mouth? I dont think so. You must have been flirting or giving out some sort of signals. Nobody deserves to be treated like that..............3 strikes

AnonoBoy

In my bitter experience that pattern keeps going and gets worse.

Do the guy a favour OP and leave him alone. You'll both look back on it in years to come and see it was the right thing to do.

if you got in a position where the guy leaned in, then you're in the wrong.. no point in convincing us otherwise. if you were just chatting to a stranger, no need for them to be close at all really. especially if your boyfriend was out, sounds very weird.

kildarelad

I had a girl do this to me.The first time she did it to me it really broke my heart i was in bits.We worked through it and she did it again i finished it i no longer see her or ever want to see her again cos the onlt thing she cared about was herself.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

if you got in a position where the guy leaned in, then you're in the wrong.. no point in convincing us otherwise. if you were just chatting to a stranger, no need for them to be close at all really. especially if your boyfriend was out, sounds very weird.

if this happened when he was in the same club, imagine what he thinks you get up to when he's not around.

OP wrote:

So angry and upset over this last incident, it wasnt even my fault really - i didnt instigate it nor did i want it and i pulled straight away.

A strange guy doesn't just kiss you out of the blue, you obviously engaged with him and lead him along.

LegacyUser

op here.

i know i did wrong. i take full responsibility for my actions. i know all three incidents count towards loosing the love of my life.

it sounds like a cliche but im actually not a bad person, suppose just wanted attention?! dont know why i put myself in positions like that, nor created them for myself.

just hope i can live with myself and the guilt knowing i caused this break up.

i also hope bf recovers, he's in bits. i just want him to be happy.

can only learn from mistakes - i suppose when the last few times we stayed together i didnt properly learn from my actions.

im so angry at myself that i jeopardised this relationship - it was perfect! not without its ups and downs but generally it was great.

who knows what will happen in the future...

thanks for all replies.