Advice on How to Win Any Argument

CreamySaturday

Found this and thought people might find it useful.. or have their own suggestions?

How to win an argument...
Simply follow these rules:
1. Make things up!
Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: “This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon’s study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn’t you read it?” Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say “You left your soiled underwear in my bath house.”

2. Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
· Let me put it this way
· In terms of
· Vis-a-vis
· Per se
· As it were
· So to speak

3. Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
· You’re begging the question.
· You’re being defensive.
· Don’t compare apples and oranges.
· What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what “parameters” means.

Here’s how to use your comebacks:
You say - As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873…
Your opponents says - Lincoln died in 1865.
You say - You’re begging the question.
OR
You say - Liberians, like most Asians…
Your opponents says - Liberia is in Africa.
You say - You’re being defensive.

4. Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: “That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say” or “You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler.”


You now know how to out-argue anybody.

Biggins

How to win an argument?
Well for a start off, make sure your opposition is not female!
If they are, your fcuked from the start!

Turd Ferguson

Be a woman has to be numero uno on the list


Actually I have just remembered my fool proof method of winning an argument that you are obviously losing. What you need to do is wait for your opponent to finish a sentance and then you reach into your pants, pull out a handfull of pubic hair,throw it in their face and walk away. Instant win!

Purple Gorilla

Point out any spelling mistake they have. If they don't have one, edit a spelling mistake into whatever post you're quoting

brummytom

Kill the other person.

You normally win then

IvySlayer

Can't argue with women.

If you start shouting the eyes start getting bigger and you know what's coming, then you feel guilty for making her cry.

Which leads you start doubting yourself, and then considering that you're wrong.

Love2love

"Because I said so" always wins my mother an argument

IvySlayer

brummytom wrote: »

Kill the other person.

You normally win then

Not if I get the last word.

Me: Cheese sucks!

Tom: Oh no you didn't *stabs*

Me: Ouch! It still sucks!

Tom: DAMN YOU *stabs himself*

*continue arguing in heaven*

brummytom

IvySlayer wrote: »

Not if I get the last word.

Me: Cheese sucks!

Tom: Oh no you didn't *stabs*

Me: Ouch! It still sucks!

Tom: DAMN YOU *stabs himself*

*continue arguing in heaven*

I like cheese, but I wouldn't fight you to the death over it.


Hob nobs, on the other hand, I would.

Turd Ferguson

brummytom wrote: »

I like cheese, but I wouldn't fight you to the death over it.


Hob nobs, on the other hand, I would.

Foxes creams are better than Hob Nobs dude, that is pure FACT

Pygmalion

I was about to say that you left out the other 3 methods you promised us...

Then I realised that nowhere in the thread title or the post itself did you say there were 7 things, despite what I read.

You truly are the master of deception

Red Hand

brummytom wrote: »

I like cheese, but I wouldn't fight you to the death over it.


Hob nobs, on the other hand, I would.

The hob nob is the strumpet of the biscuit world.

CreamySaturday

Pygmalion wrote: »

I was about to say that you left out the other 3 methods you promised us...

Then I realised that nowhere in the thread title or the post itself did you say there were 7 things, despite what I read.

You truly are the master of deception

I try my best :cool:

brummytom

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

Foxes creams are better than Hob Nobs dude, that is pure FACT

If I was older and in Ireland, I wouldn't be voting Turd Ferguson for Lisbon after that post.

You should be disgusted.

Should clarify, chocolate hobnobs. Not those non-chocolate arse biscuits

RHunce

get the last word in then drop the bomb, your mother died

they'll be so stunned that they wont be able to come up with a comeback

orestes

Bloody sophists.

Just use loads of really big and clever words and phrases, a quick skim of a dictionary of philosophy will give you more than enough to win pretty much any arguement. The best ones tend to be along the lines of "well relatively speaking...." , "from a metaphysical standpoint" , "you could look at that way, but from a deterministic point of view" , "I think you really have to consider the ethical aspect of that idea/position/act"

The last one is a good one, once you bring ethics into things you're pretty much guaranteed to be able to poke holes in someone elses arguement since there is nothing that can't be poked holes in from one ethical point of view or another if you go into enough regression of causes and effects.

Or, take the theological route: "cos (insert diety here) said so".

IvySlayer

Hob Knobs, the biscuit Marines

/youtubes peter kay

ejmaztec

To win an argument you must burst into tears and threaten to kill yourself.

Works for my wife every time.:(

tomo75

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

Foxes creams are better than Hob Nobs dude, that is pure FACT

“That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say” :D:D

CreamySaturday

tomo75 wrote: »

“That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say” :D:D

I like it :P

Prof.Badass

1. Find a field of knowledge where you know a lot (it helps if you've done formal study in the area), rope in the argument to that area and then frustrate the person that they cannot argue back because they do not know enough.

2.Pick out their most irrelevant point and go off on a crazy tangent untill you manage to trick them into saying something rash and then declare victory. Otherwise just keep going off on tangent after tangent untill they give up.

3. Try and make the other person emotional by roping in emotionally charged topics that are completely unrelated (I've only ever seen women doing this). If they break down in tears you win, no matter how wrong you are .

Biggins

End of thread!

Pygmalion

vinylmesh wrote: »

1. Find a field of knowledge where you know a lot (it helps if you've done formal study in the area), rope in the argument to that area and then frustrate the person that they cannot argue back because they do not know enough.

Hob-nobs are the best biscuit as defined in RFC 1852.

itsallaboutheL

Nutt 'em

/Lights Out Arguement Over

orestes

Biggins wrote: »

End of thread!

Bookmarked for future use in feedback threads

TheZohanS

Easiest way to win an argument is to realise that some are not worth the effort.

And never argue with a fool.

Poor Uncle Tom

Put your fingers in your ears and in your loudest voice shout LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA until the other person gives up, then declare yourself the winner and the other person a silly bollix, thus obviously winning the arguement. QED.

Chocolate Goldgrain, FTW....;)

mfceiling

Always you will win an arguement by waiting until the other person stops speaking then you retort with "i can't believe you've just said that you racist bástard"

You will instantly be declared the winner

ejmaztec

Pygmalion wrote: »

Hob-nobs are the best biscuit as defined in RFC 1852.

If, like myself, you are a member of the Irish Biscuitology Society, you would know that RFC1852 has since been amended by RFC1863C, Paragraph 4, sub-section 6b, under the heading "sh1te".

Stercus Accidit

How to win an argument.

Say you are the son of god, works everytime.


But whatever you do, don't push your luck with this one, I heard about one lad who was crucified for it.

Biggins

Biggins wrote: »

[IMG][/img]http://i29.tinypic.com/34j7q5x.jpg

orestes wrote: »

Bookmarked for future use in feedback threads

In that case you will need this one too! :pac:

ScumLord

How to win any argument, step 1. Violence. Argument over.

Fringe

"I'm sorry, I'm not that into pokemon."

Oh and remember that saying "fact" at the end of any sentence you say makes it true! Fact.

ShooterSF

OP your tips are very handy in a pinch. However, like anything in life if you want constant success preparation is key. If you sense an argument coming, avoid it. Cancel everything you had planned the next day. Get a great night sleep and a good feed the next morning. Now confront your argument. Never give in on any point no matter how wrong you are and wait until the other party get's tired. Here is where you use your preparation to strike. Everytime the other person says something like "I'm sick of this" or "I'm going to bed" you claim you have won the argument. Congratulations!

genericguy

CreamySaturday wrote: »

Here’s how to use your comebacks:
You say - As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873…

as abraham lincoln said in 1873

"at this point, i've been dead for ten years, the OP's argument is therefore null and void. oh, and **** you for assassinating me, Booth."

Sumire

The best way to win in argument is to repeat whatever the other person said but in a really annoying childish voice. Keep doing it till it drives the other person mental and they leave. Foolproof.

aine-maire

Just never admit that you're wrong. Ever.


(v obvious that I'm a woman )