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Should I be worried about ex?

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  • 09-09-2009 4:57pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'll try to keep this short and sweet. Have been with my bf about 9 months and love him very much, he seems to feel the same. We are moving in together in a couple of weeks. TBH our relationship is really good, we have a good time together and are very open with each other. Also have healthy social lives and would socialise in our own groups of friends as well as with each others. All round things a pretty good.

    The story with his ex is as follows. They were friends as teenagers, went out for over a year in their early 20's and he ended with her as he was going travelling and says his heart wasn't really in it. So he returned a year later and she wanted to rekindle relationship. He didn't wanted to stay friends but she never really accepted it. so a couple of months after he'd gotten home she got pregnant from a ons, and then started going out with the guy when she found out. they are still together now and baby is 2 years old. He tried to be friends with her on and off but she would get upset and cause rows if she saw him chatting to girls etc and eventually he just cut contact with her. That would have been about a year before we started seeing each other.

    So we were having a cup of tea together the other day and I was flicking through his pictures and came across one of her, something clicked with me that this was more recent than that so I went in and looked at the info and it was actually taken 2 weeks before we started seeing each other.

    Now I didn't say anything about it because I didn't want to be coming across as insecure or jealous but being honest it did get me thinking.

    Why would he lie about not being in contact with her and if he lied about this what else has he lied to me about? I've never been jealous or insecure with him and I haven't given him any reason to feel he would have to lie in case I'd be upset or whatever.

    The only reason I actually know about this girl is because one of his friends who is her best friend mentioned to me one night that she her best friend wasn't at her party because she didn't want to see me and my bf together. So I asked the bf what the story was and should I stay away from these things in future?

    I asked him about the picture and he told me that she'd been out that night but someone else was taking pics with his phone and thats why it was there.

    But I don't know, I always though it was strange that she was still so hung up on him after so long and put it down to her being a bit weird.
    Now I'm wondering if there is more to it and if something was going on more recently, maybe even when our relationship had started?

    Do you think I am being silly and reading too much into this or should i be worried?


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    #2
    puglover
    Closed Accounts Posts: 442 ✭✭puglover


    Have you anything else to go on? It does sound like you could be reading into things alot.


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    #3
    Trishis
    Registered Users Posts: 91 ✭✭Trishis


    Hey....
    yea do you have any more info...when the girl said that to you at the party how did you feel, go with your gut! its generaly right! if you feel like there is more to it, then their prob is, thats my experience anyway. Just think about how important it is. If he wanted to be with her he would be. He's not, hes with you, so maybe he just likes the attention she may be giving him, its not right and he shouldn't lie but men are really vain idiots sometimes and they just like to know that women fancy them! if an ex is still sniffing about i think it inflates their ego!


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    #4
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    When I started going out with my current gf, I had an ex who was finding it hard to let go. I didn't lie to my g/f about her - as such - but I will admit that I played things down a lot. My reason for doing so? I was crazy about the new girl and didn't want to scare her off by appearing to have a lot of 'baggage' or hassle from my ex. Nothing more, nothing less - I had no feelings for my ex or anything.

    It sounds to me like your boyfriend was in a similar situation and probably didnt want to scare you off. When you're in a new relationship and in unknown territory, some people play it safe and don't like introducing chaotic elements like crazy exes into the mix.

    Bear in mind also that just because he cut contact with her a year before you went out, it doesnt mean he couldn't have bumped into her at a night out or a birthday party for mutual friends and the photo was taken then. It doesnt mean he was keeping up contact and lying to you, it could have been totally circumstantial.

    The main thing is, this was nothing more than a picture taken a few weeks before you went out. As long as nothing has happened while you've been a couple and he has never betrayed you or given you reason to be concerned, then relax and don't read into it too much - just enjoy what you have.


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