Advice needed please.depressed at work.panic attacks

LegacyUser

Hi there
I have been a retail manager for the past 3 years. When I first started in the store, it was very difficult as I , a stranger had been given the job above an existing member of staff. I put up with the resentment , undermining and intimidation for over 18 months when eventually one of the two main trouble makers left.During this time I was working about 55 hours a week minimum because there was a bit of a "tools down" situation. I was very anxious in and out of work while this was going on. The year after that was a bit better and I worked very hard to get people onside.But for the past 9 months things have gotten a lot worse.I made the decision to stop the extra work , the working through my lunch etc. I admit that I did pussy foot around the trouble maker that was left because she is so intimidating but I genuinely thought I had her onside. Then the other day she started shouting at me that I don't do this , i don't do that etc etc. I was shocked because she was very very aggressive. She said she had the support of another member of staff. Now if what they had been saying was true I could half understand it but it wasn't. I have felt something build up for months now and as a result have stopped sleeping and have lost weight. I feel empty drained and exhausted from the place. I am just so tired from that one paticular woman .She thinks that becasue she is older and there longer that I should prove myself to her.I cannot take anymore.I have called in sick for today and am going to the doctor. I am just so stressed and anxious .I had a bad panic attack yesterday becasue of it.
Is it possible just to go out sick for a while.I just cannot face going in. I rang my own manager and explained about the shouting.She is also aware of how difficult this woman is but I have never made any complaints official.I think I just need out , mayber forever.
Any advice would be great

Jaysoose

Dont quit over a bully that means she wins, make an official complaint about this woman and be prepared to follow it through to the end whatever the result as at least if you do this she will think twice about giving you a hard time.

People like this make my blood boil as she obviously has the attitude that because she has been doing something a certain way for so long it has to be right.

dmaxontour

Hi,
Don't worry.
First off, see your doc about stress and discuss with her. Yes you CAN take sick leave for stress.
Then know this, that you do not have to accept this woman's behaviour and you don't have to do it alone.
Start taking notes. At the end of the day, write down anytime she behaves in a way that causes you discomfort, stress, anxiety etc, anything that you thik is, or may be, bullying. It is important to document this, present and past events. It doesn't have to be perfect but do it as accurately as you can. Also, doing this may offer you some relief, just the process of writing it down.
Then I would strongly advise you to talk to a professional person about this. That could be an employment lawyer or citizens Advice. You sould be able to talk to them first before having to pay anything, but it will let you know an option. And this will help you.
Also, your place of employment is legally obliged to have a Health and Safety document of some kind which is legally required to outline procedures for Bullying In The Workplace. See if you can get hold of it and have a read.
I understand that your situation is intimidating, but just doing these things will help you, and you may find that it gives you some additional inner strength to deal with this person and environment on a day to day basis, which in turn may cause them to actually back off.
Do a google. There is definately help out there. Follow it through; there are procedures to take, and the bullying will eventually stop, and even better you will feel a lot better about yourself, and stronger, and the chances of it happening again will be severly reduced.
Be strong and good luck.

gerrycollins

please pm me op similar situation happened me all those years ago

I can understand the stress and all that but there is a good simple and shows who is boss way to get you clear.

There is however a hope here that they have all signed contracts and if they have then its the cats pajama's

please pm me

kittenkiller

Make your complaint official.
There's no other way around this woman.
Her actions went above and beyond what should be acceptable in a working environment.

In this day and age, anyone who has a disciplinary action on their file should be worried come redundancy time.
Don't let her get away with it.

Book a break for yourself soon.
Get away from it all, get someone you trust to cover for you so you're not coming back to a shed load of work waiting for you.
Sometimes you need to remind yourself *why* you bother to work at all.
Treat yourself and take care of yourself first and foremost.

miec

Hi Op

I am so sorry to hear about what is happening to you, apart from taking all the brilliant advice offered here by the other posters, I would suggest you take an assertiveness course so that you can handle future situations like this. It also sounds to me that you are a very nice person and attempt to be a good boss/ manager but that some staff are taking advantage of that. Unfortunately you will have to develop a stronger sense of authority, I don't mean the throwing your weight around, but letting staff know what the boundaries are of acceptable behaviour and basically that woman who is a bully should know that she is lucky to have a job, there are hundreds/ thousands who would gladly take it off her hands. Personally (this is me being totally emotive and non objective) I'd love to tell her that and to toe the line, but I know you can't, but if she is breaking company policy on her insubordiante behaviour, you have the right to assert yourself in this area. As for the panic attacks, I don't know if you are aware of breathing through them (I used to get them) but basically as it builds, find a quiet place if possible, take a deep breath and breath in slowly and then exhale slowly. I hope the situation improves itself and good luck Op.