im left out

LegacyUser

Hi.

My problem may not seem like a big one but its really getting me down. I am a third year college student, studying Arts. Its a huge class, very cliquey. I live within commuting distance of college, so I live at home with my parents.

Lately Ive begun to feel very left out. I knew a couple of people when I started in college 2 years ago, and I clung to them, instead of branching out and making new friends - something I was terrified of.

Over my past two years, I would say I have made one new friend with whom I feel comfortable with. I have a few acquaintances, through friends of my original friends. I feel constantly pressured to try be funny, nice, happy, great craic just to fit in with these people. In a one on one situation I completely freeze.

Because I live at home I also dont go out as much as everyone else. They spend all day talking about "how last night was so much fun". They all live close by, and are constantly popping in and out to each other. I just feel so bloody left out. Only started back to college yesterday, I was dreading it because I knew it was back to this.

I feel like sh1t. I cant wait to leave college, even though I enjoy my course. Im basically miserable, and becoming more and more introverted, staying at home rather than face people.

JuliusCaesar

Branch out. Get to know total strangers. Join a society or sports club. There are many in college. What are you interested in? Join something active, like canoeing or choir or climbing or danciing, where you'll be doing things with others - preferably something both sexes get into - and not some boring soc that exists to ponce wine at the annual do. You may find it easier to get on with people who don't already know you, than rely on those who do.

Alternatively try something outside college - boards beers? MeetUp.com?

newbie2009

I empathise with you. College is a daunting prospect for anyone who hasn't an extrovert, out-going personality and finds it hard to greet and talk to people easily. I left college with only two true friends, both of whom I met in my first few weeks there, and it was all my own fault in that like you I clung to them socially and didn't really bother with anyone else. I guess it wasn't in my nature to actively go out there and make friends.

What i'd say to you is this - leave your comfort zone, but on a brave face, get talking to people and worm your way into those seemingly happy-go-lucky cliques. I know it will take alot of effort on your part but the rewards are worth it when you have a group you can easily talk to. Maybe focus on an acquantance's group who you know are nice and easy-going and make the small talk and smile the smiles and have the craic, even if at first it doesn't come easily. Eventually you will become comfortable enough with them and they with you that you can be yourself and enjoy each others company socially and around campus.

It's worth a shot at creating a more out-going persona in order to attract people to you. Who knows how many of the apparently popular people are, deep down, putting up an equally good act. Otherwise, do what I did and don't bother...but live to regret the lack of college buddies later on in life

LegacyUser

Thanks for replying to me.

I have tried joining socities and clubs, even went on a couple of trips with them but again it just seemed like the friends have been made already.

I shouldve mentioned that outside college, I have some very good friends whom Ive had since childhood. My timetable is very spread - a lot of time hanging around campus, looking for someone to talk to.

Sorry I realise Im coming across as very whiny, I think I just need to say it out, because my heads about to burst.

Thanks again

SheRa

Ah no you dont come across as whiny at all OP. Its natural to want to have friends in your class even when you have friends outside. One thing that hit me though. You mentioned that you feel under pressure to be funny etc. Why not just stop that for a while and see how it goes? Maybe people in your class sense you feel uncomfortable and in turn aren't as friendly to you.

I could be completely off there, but then again I may not.

LegacyUser

OP here wrote: »

Thanks for replying to me.

I have tried joining socities and clubs, even went on a couple of trips with them but again it just seemed like the friends have been made already.

I shouldve mentioned that outside college, I have some very good friends whom Ive had since childhood. My timetable is very spread - a lot of time hanging around campus, looking for someone to talk to.

I found this too when I used to join clubs. It seemed everybody had made their friends and didn't need anymore. It took me a while to realise though that I used to expect a big huge sign from these people that they wanted me to be their friend (reason being I didn't want to seem too pushy).
After a while (and a few false starts!), I began to connect with people, started to stick my neck out and invite myself out if there was a group going. Or I'd arrange to meet someone for lunch (to discuss a class, assignment, or anything else we had in common). You deserve to be with people you get on with, but sometimes you have to stick your neck out, daunting as it is.

Good luck : )

hayser

I was the same when I started college. What I found worked great is if you could bring some friends to your college socials at first or if you're with a group suggest drinks afterwards or perhaps a film or the pub if you all have a couple of hours free? Good luck