feel so stupid

LegacyUser · 08-09-2009 7:52pm #1

i met a guy, ( one night stand ) he seemed lovely and really really nice and friendly. I was being reckless, I never had a one night stand before and so I asked him back to mine. Anyway we exchanged numbers and I text him but he didnt even reply! Just to ignore me like that after he seemed so nice and interested in me! Even if he replied to say he wasn't interested but just to ignore me! Why would a guy not even send a bloody text????

Cleopatra12 · 08-09-2009 8:28pm

To be brutally honest and am not being harsh, you will never hear from him. Delete his number. From experience, he got what he wanted (hence being all interested and chatty, ETC) therefore there is no need to reply to you. I know this seems awful. You need to treat it as a one nite thing and forget about him. PProb from his point of view, if he does reply, he will only be encouraging you, and basically he is not interested, so he wont reply. If you do hear from him (and it may not be for a few weeks) delete his message, he will prob be only lookng for a booty call.

I have been told by so many male friends and ex's that if you sleep with a guy straight away, generally (cos there are some very rare exceptions)they want nothing more to do with you. I posed the question, well what if you reallt really liked her.. The answer, does not matter, she gave it up too easilyand how do i know she has not done this on numerous occasions.

I know, i know, double standards, but thats the way it is (generally). Now i am not trying to tar all men with the same brush, but am basing comments on own and many experiences.

VaioCruiser · 08-09-2009 8:48pm

feeling stupid wrote: »

i met a guy, ( one night stand ) he seemed lovely and really really nice and friendly. I was being reckless, I never had a one night stand before and so I asked him back to mine. Anyway we exchanged numbers and I text him but he didnt even reply! Just to ignore me like that after he seemed so nice and interested in me! Even if he replied to say he wasn't interested but just to ignore me! Why would a guy not even send a bloody text????

Hi OP. First of all, and before we or you jump to ridiculous conclusions...

How long has it been ? Are you certain you got his number correct ? Is it possible he has lost his phone, is it possible something has happened that might have caused an inability to text you ? Why didn't you call him ?

I am not saying that this guy is not a player - but it achieves nothing to simply leap to the worst possible conclusion before considering some alternatives.

All the best

LegacyUser · 08-09-2009 9:12pm

couple of weeks ago now. and it was the right number - he called my phone so we'd have each others number. To Cleopatra - this was my first one night stand and I know how they work. you both have a bit of fun and thats it. But he just seemed so interested in me - and he wasnt the one that suggested 'come back to mine' - that was me. We were talking for ages and got on great ya know. So you could say I was the one that got what I wanted. And the only reason i text him was because he seemed like he wanted to see me again. So i said to hell with it - il text. And I dont think he was a player from what he was telling me that night - he seemed like a nice guy that didn't do one night stands - hence the reason i had to ask him back to mine, he didnt ask me. Unless he was an excellent liar......... I duno - looks like he's not gona text and he was enjoying my company for one night - I just took it further by having sex with him and I feel like a fool for texting him in the first place now

SarahSassy · 08-09-2009 9:17pm

Its not the end of the world. You had a nice night so just chalk it down to experience. Personally, I think if you choose to have a one night stand aka sleep with someone the night you meet them, then you should expect it to be nothing more - maybe a bit of self preservation there but if you expect nothing then you cant be disappointed.

Cleopatra12 · 08-09-2009 9:21pm

OP, good for you if you got what you wanted... Dont beat yourself up for texting him. As Sassy said, chalk it down to experience. Forget about him...

Miss Fluff · 08-09-2009 9:24pm

Just put it down to experience OP. He probably was into it/you at the time, and just happens to be a charmer.....some of them are VERY good. Or, he was just looking for a no-strings night of fun with you and he got what he wanted (as did you lets be fair). Hindsight is 20/20 so I wouldn't go beating yourself up about it. You had a one-night-stand, hoped it would develop into something more and it didn't. It doesn't make you any less attractive/sexy, I think you maybe misread the situation and hoped it would lead to something more. He would have been in touch by now if interested tbh.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2009 11:25am

Why am i beginning to feel angry towards a guy that owes me nothing and i barely know??? Im totally cool with the one night thing and that he's obviously not interested in me ( although the ego is hurt a bit ) but what im angry with is he didnt even have the manners to reply to my text!!! Why are some people in this world so rude and selfish. Yes he owes me nothing I know. But its nice to be nice. And a simple text to say no im not interested would have gone a long way towards manners and respect. This world have gone to the dogs with regard to human respect IMO.

shellyboo · 09-09-2009 12:46pm

silly op ere wrote: »

Why am i beginning to feel angry towards a guy that owes me nothing and i barely know??? Im totally cool with the one night thing and that he's obviously not interested in me ( although the ego is hurt a bit ) but what im angry with is he didnt even have the manners to reply to my text!!! Why are some people in this world so rude and selfish. Yes he owes me nothing I know. But its nice to be nice. And a simple text to say no im not interested would have gone a long way towards manners and respect. This world have gone to the dogs with regard to human respect IMO.

Texting someone to tell them you're not interested in them could be considered rude by a lot of people. Seems to be you're just picking something to be annoyed at him about because your pride is hurt that he wasn't interested in seeing you again.

There's nothing you can do in this situation except chalk one up to experience and don't get into a one-night stand situation again, since they obviously don't suit you.

ellie1 · 09-09-2009 1:08pm

Why am i beginning to feel angry towards a guy that owes me nothing and i barely know??? Im totally cool with the one night thing and that he's obviously not interested in me ( although the ego is hurt a bit ) but what im angry with is he didnt even have the manners to reply to my text!!! Why are some people in this world so rude and selfish. Yes he owes me nothing I know. But its nice to be nice. And a simple text to say no im not interested would have gone a long way towards manners and respect. This world have gone to the dogs with regard to human respect IMO.

Anger is only a plaster for hurt.

I think its still (unfortunatly) difficult for women to have sex with a man they like without the man assuming that they are "easy" etc therefore the man wont contact them as he may assume the girl is having sex regularly with random guys.Only the more mature less judgemental man wont make assumptions if a woman sleeps with him n the first night.

Some friends of mine had a rule that if they really really liked the guy they wouldnt sleep with him but swop numbers. If they just fancy a shag, then they would have sex on the first night.

wexford202 · 09-09-2009 1:43pm

Hi OP

You said in your first thread it was a one night stand.

The reality of it is you do not hear anything from one another after a one night stand.

No point in feling stupid either just put it behind you.

90% of people have had at least one one night stand.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2009 3:20pm

shellyboo wrote: »

Texting someone to tell them you're not interested in them could be considered rude by a lot of people. Seems to be you're just picking something to be annoyed at him about because your pride is hurt that he wasn't interested in seeing you again.

There's nothing you can do in this situation except chalk one up to experience and don't get into a one-night stand situation again, since they obviously don't suit you.

but is it not even ruder to ignore someone? Dont get me wrong - I know what one nigt stands are - but he gave me his number and i gave him mine - fair enough if he didnt want to see me again. But I just don't understand how ANYBODY can be so rude as to just ignore a text message.

ellie1 · 09-09-2009 3:52pm

but is it not even ruder to ignore someone? Dont get me wrong - I know what one nigt stands are - but he gave me his number and i gave him mine - fair enough if he didnt want to see me again. But I just don't understand how ANYBODY can be so rude as to just ignore a text message.

HE is not rude just not interested. He got what he wanted. (as did you)

He or you were not as direct as to say "I fancy the arse off you and I am horny and do you fancy a shag no strings attached."

LegacyUser · 09-09-2009 4:15pm

ellie1 wrote: »

HE is not rude just not interested. He got what he wanted. (as did you)

He or you were not as direct as to say "I fancy the arse off you and I am horny and do you fancy a shag no strings attached."

so to ignore someone is not rude? wow I guess I was brought up wrong!

opinion guy · 09-09-2009 4:42pm

OP i agree with you it is rude not to reply to txt.

but many things are possible - maybe he lost his phone. maybe he is a player. there's no point in being angry though - his loss right ?

hmm this is why sometimes i think its better to call someone than txt

MuddyDog · 09-09-2009 5:08pm

give it 3 days......good guys text you back after about that length.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2009 5:32pm

MuddyDog wrote: »

give it 3 days......good guys text you back after about that length.

I text him 2 weeks ago!!!! Anyway just wondering - this is a question for males - if you had a one night stand - had a good time, and the girl text just asking hows it going etc and did he want to meet up again sometime for a drink or whatever- ( even if you didn't want to meet up with her again) would you reply to the text out of politeness or just ignore her? Honost answers pls!

SarahSassy · 09-09-2009 6:01pm

Honey, let it go... If he were interested he would have replied by now. Chalk it up and move on. Plenty more nice fish in the sea out there.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2009 6:11pm

SarahSassy wrote: »

Honey, let it go... If he were interested he would have replied by now. Chalk it up and move on. Plenty more nice fish in the sea out there.

Honey! I get he's not interested! Im just wondering If guys would reply to a text or just ignore it? Im surprised some people feel its not rude to ignore someone is all.

Miss Fluff · 09-09-2009 6:15pm

op again wrote: »

I text him 2 weeks ago!!!! Anyway just wondering - this is a question for males - if you had a one night stand - had a good time, and the girl text just asking hows it going etc and did he want to meet up again sometime for a drink or whatever- ( even if you didn't want to meet up with her again) would you reply to the text out of politeness or just ignore her? Honost answers pls!

Replying would mean engaging you in conversation. Say he replied and said "no thanks, I'd prefer not", I have a pretty good inkling you would then reply with "why?" and so on and so forth. Men will do anything for an easy life - the easy way out for him is not to reply and then you'll just take the hint. Which you have. It is a cowardly way in some respects but then from his perspective he is probably just trying to spare your feelings rather than a blunt "no thanks".

LegacyUser · 09-09-2009 6:48pm

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Replying would mean engaging you in conversation. Say he replied and said "no thanks, I'd prefer not", I have a pretty good inkling you would then reply with "why?" and so on and so forth. Men will do anything for an easy life - the easy way out for him is not to reply and then you'll just take the hint. Which you have. It is a cowardly way in some respects but then from his perspective he is probably just trying to spare your feelings rather than a blunt "no thanks".

Fair point I suppose. I just sent a text to say I thought it was rude to not reply to my text to say he was not interested - yeah bunny boiler, big mistake, i shouldnt have done it. Ye need not tell me! But i feel better for doing it as i feel it shows i think he's a rude pr**k. Now I can forget it and put it down to experience - thanks for all replies.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2009 9:26pm

sorry guys op again - was i wrong to send that text? its just lately ive been feeling - to hell with it - i had my first one night stand, im drinking more,taking more drugs - ( not illegal) im just feeling we only live once and we have to take risks - like im not gona see the guy again so i felt - god damn it - il send a text, so what! am i wrong??? I was always so careful and right - now i feel i want to go mad!

Miss Fluff · 09-09-2009 10:18pm

op yet again wrote: »

Fair point I suppose. I just sent a text to say I thought it was rude to not reply to my text to say he was not interested - yeah bunny boiler, big mistake, i shouldnt have done it. Ye need not tell me! But i feel better for doing it as i feel it shows i think he's a rude pr**k. Now I can forget it and put it down to experience - thanks for all replies.

op again!! wrote: »

sorry guys op again - was i wrong to send that text? its just lately ive been feeling - to hell with it - i had my first one night stand, im drinking more,taking more drugs - ( not illegal) im just feeling we only live once and we have to take risks - like im not gona see the guy again so i felt - god damn it - il send a text, so what! am i wrong??? I was always so careful and right - now i feel i want to go mad!

You probably shouldn't have sent the message to be fair no, but you did and it's not like you can take it back. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. His silence is probably indicative enough that he doesn't want to go on a date or meet up with you again. You chose to send it. He chose not to reply. Again. (Not meaning to be harsh).

I think the lesson you can learn from this (and I presume you are late teens, and no, the intention is not to patronise you) is that one-night stands don't suit you. (They don't suit me either. When I want good sex it is normally with a trusted guy whom I've history with when I know what to expect and not put up with a rubbish shag with a randomer for the sake of it). Some people enjoy them and have them regularly - sex is sex etc and they wave day-day the next morning with no expectations.

I think you had sex with this guy and then wanted to turn a one-nighter into a relationship by asking him out for a date etc. Just learn from it girl and please for goodness sake delete his number NOW so you won't text him again.He wanted a good night, got it, and left it at that. I think you should too and not waste any more time on this guy.

Monkey61 · 09-09-2009 10:47pm

Agree with others Op, for God's sake delete the number now before you are tempted to text him again.

IMO, not getting a reply is far better than asking someone out on a date, waiting nervously for the phone to beep and then excitedly seeing their name pop up in your inbox, only to discover that it is a blunt "no thanks I am not interested." He obviously wanted to spare your feelings and I have an idea that if he had replied with a no, you would be just as upset, if not more so, probably mortified and maybe would have text him back anyway. Engaging someone in conversation is never a good idea if you don't want to give the wrong impression. He hasn't done anything wrong, he clearly gave the impression that he wasn't interested by not replying.

Yes it is a bit embarrassing, but these things happen. You shouldn't have text him again, but it's done now so there is no sense in worrying. At least now you know how you feel about one night stands.

Also don't stress over worrying if the reason he wasn't interested was because you slept with him straight away. Sex is not a prize to be won by men, nor is it a bargaining tool to win a relationship with. None of the guys I know would be put off by a girl that slept with them straight away and I know plenty of relationships that have started that way.

dirtydress · 10-09-2009 9:28am

For God's sake it was a one night stand and now you're obsessing over this guy?? Its been WEEKS, just let it go and yes is IS kinder to ignore a text than to write back faking chit chat I guarantee you would be writing another post here giving out about him texting you to say he wasnt interested.

He was clearly a fairly nice guy who wants to save your feelings and you've just proved him completely right in not replying to you by sending that ridiculous message. He doesnt owe you anything, leave the whole thing behind you and move on. I would also recommend maybe not having any more one night stands since you obviously can't handle them emotionally.

LegacyUser · 10-09-2009 10:00am

Im not obsessed, mental or whatever USEFUL comments were posted. Im not bothered at all by the fact he doesn't want to meet again, yeah it was a one night stand - and im not seeing him again. I was a bit surpirised at how rude people can be - ( the ignoring of texts) manners can be still used when people have one night stands! and im also a bit surprised that people seem be accept bad manners with a shrug and say - it was a one night stand - he doesn't have to show you respect by replying. And to be honost im glad i sent that second text - it shows i dont approve of lack of respect or bad manners! Maybe some of the people that frequent boards might try it some time!!!

shellyboo · 10-09-2009 10:18am

last time op wrote: »

Im not obsessed, mental or whatever USEFUL comments were posted. Im not bothered at all by the fact he doesn't want to meet again, yeah it was a one night stand - and im not seeing him again. I was a bit surpirised at how rude people can be - ( the ignoring of texts) manners can be still used when people have one night stands! and im also a bit surprised that people seem be accept bad manners with a shrug and say - it was a one night stand - he doesn't have to show you respect by replying. And to be honost im glad i sent that second text - it shows i dont approve of lack of respect or bad manners! Maybe some of the people that frequent boards might try it some time!!!

Ok, so IF this is true (which it's clearly not) then WHY do you care? Why do you give one tiny toss whether this random stranger that you don't care about and never want to see again has manners or not? You're not his mother, or his boss, or his therapist... why does it matter? Are you in the business of educating the general public on matters of etiquette?

It does not matter one bit whether he's rude or not, and you're only picking on it so that you can have the anger to mask your dented pride. Do you think he CARES that you don't approve of lack of respect or bad manners? He doesn't. He doesn't care what you think, or what you say, or what you do... you should follow his example.

unhappycamper · 10-09-2009 10:34am

op again! wrote: »

Honey! I get he's not interested! Im just wondering If guys would reply to a text or just ignore it? Im surprised some people feel its not rude to ignore someone is all.

Sorry but I really think you need to take it on the chin and learn from it.

He was out for a good time and he played you, thats how it sounds to me. By not replying to your texts he has created a 'cut off point'. Learn and move on, manners have nothing to do with it. He painted a picture and played the game and you believed him, move on. It is not his fault for wanting sex from a nice girl and you wanted it too, sadly you got burnt. As mentioned many times, sleeping on the first night with a guy that you like is a bad idea so next time be aware that some guys will be on 'missions' and they will say and do whatever they have to in order to have sex.

feel so stupid

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